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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think this is madness at a company Christmas do?

188 replies

designateddriver16 · 30/11/2016 21:16

We have a Christmas do which is pretty much compulsory. You get hounded for explanations if you don't go. They are generally Saturday nights and never in convenient locations. This year's is out in the sticks. Transport is not provided. Nearest town is 10 miles away. Accommodation available for £90 per room. (Not covered)

Senior management have announced us they are only providing free wine with the meal. No soft drinks for drivers or anyone else. I queried this and was told that tap water in a jug was the only non alcoholic option. Drinks are available at the bar at extra cost (last time a coke was £3)

I have to drive. Need to get home for the dcs. I'm not a massive drinker so even if I weren't driving tbh I'd like the option of alternating wine with a soft drink.

AIBU to think this is not only weirdly stingy but irresponsible madness?

OP posts:
user1471950254 · 01/12/2016 10:44

It sounds horrendous! Actually it sounded horrendous & even you added fancy dress & a theme ConfusedSad.

If you really think it's detrimental to your career I would feign illness. However companies never learn when that happens so it's a shan't there aren't lots of you feeling that way & speaking bout together.

I've been to functions like that where they say it's only wine on the table during a meal to stop people asking for spirits or cocktails. However on most occasions the soft drinks during the meal have been paid for by the company. Hopefully if you do go that will happen!

GeekLove · 01/12/2016 10:46

I don't think of it as being unreasonable that it is really just another type of bullying disguised as a Christmas party/ dubious teambuilding exercise.

Like I said, I bet there are plenty of your colleagues who don't want to go.
One of the best things about being an adult is that you have much more control over spending time with people you're not that fond of. So quit angsting and exersize that power.

Plus there is also the possibility that those further up the hierarchy might be impressed that you are prepared to stand up for yourself and say 'no'.

AlpacaPicnic · 01/12/2016 10:50

Buy a cheap jacket from a charity shop - arrive in a whirlwind of joy, make a big point of saying hello to several people, eat the first two courses if they sound nice.
At some point, slip out for a drink/fag/wee - leaving the jacket on the chair.
Go home, put feet up.

limitedperiodonly · 01/12/2016 11:03

It's sounds terrible. I also understand your worries about not attending. It's all very well for people declare they'd refuse to go and explain why, but when you work for bullies, it has consequences.

I once declined a Christmas party that sounds almost as shit as yours. I was diplomatic about it - I said I was heartbroken but pointed out that it was very difficult to get home from and left out the fact that I'd rather stick pins in my eyes. I didn't think it would be a problem. I thought I was invited out of their kindness of their hearts. No. It was a test of your commitment and I failed. To have people six months later still coming out with: 'Of course, Limited, thinks she's better than us' is a bit tedious and put an end to my advancement in what appeared to be a promising job when I took it.

Perhaps going and bailing out early on this tempting bash is better than inventing illness. If you do that you'll be judged, but not as badly as the people who don't turn up at all. They'll get the worst of it and people will forget about you.

BravoPanda · 01/12/2016 11:14

"Sorry, we already have a family party that weekend now"

MiscellaneousAssortment · 01/12/2016 14:29

Organizational culture tends to be impervious to change, especially from the bottom up where the people aren't influential enough.

Trying to start some kind of revolution/ sticking two fingers up is not generally appreciated or conducive to promotion or long term integration, however satisfying in theory.

I learnt this the hard way in my idealistic youth, that if the culture has been stuck like that for years, then really the only choices are:

  1. Put your head down and do enough to get by
  2. Find a better company with a better working culture
  3. Refuse to join in and be miserable, ostracized and with no career progression.

Personally, I'd go for option 2 of at all possible, but sometimes, any job is better than no job at all.

Good luck and feel free to moan lots on here!

Whathaveilost · 01/12/2016 14:43

Can't quiet believe you are being 'forced' to go on a do ...or else!

I'm in a relatively new job in a stressful role ( that I love) The team work hard and play hard and have known each other for years. At the team meeting they were planning the Christmas party and everyone was shouting ideas some, expensive and going into the city and some not so bad.
I just said that they could please themselves but I wasn't going. ( said more tactfully and nicer than that sounds) There was a couple of 'oh, I see' comments and then two others said they would give it a miss as well!
Still loads going and I hope they have a great time, I'm just not ready for parties yet.

FlappysMammyAndPopeInExile · 01/12/2016 15:15

What Alpaca said.

On Monday (or whatever the next working day is) tell everybody that you felt faint in the heat, nipped out for a breath of cool night air and were abducted by aliens. Refuse to discuss the anal probing. Warn HR that as this was a works function, on premises of their choosing, they were responsible for your safety and they will be hearing from your solicitor

FlappysMammyAndPopeInExile · 01/12/2016 15:16

OR . . . have your babysitter get struck by lightening.

The80sweregreat · 01/12/2016 16:15

It is taking the micky! i would order a jug of water and one glass to myself and make my excuses once the food has been eaten and go home then! Sounds like its a long drive, so plenty of reasons why you would want to leave.
Its not on to hound you though, not everyone wants the bother of a do ( or the expense ) why do,they see it as compulsory? Seems a bit odd.

MrsSnootch · 01/12/2016 16:20

yes YABU, they are paying for your meal

if you don't like it, don't go

JakeBallardswife · 01/12/2016 16:37

I think I'd drive, go for the meal. Then get an urgent call from the babysitter etc that you're needed at home so unfortunately can't stay. Then next morning, say what a shame you had to leave early- hope everyone had a great night.

OracleofDelphi · 01/12/2016 16:47

As you said go this year and leave as soon as possible..... Next year the second the date is announced, say what a shame it is as you always have such a good time, but unfortunately that happens to be your DM and DF 30th wedding anniversary celebrations / grandmas 80th birthday / cousins 18th / so you wont be able to come. Get out quickly, as soon as the date comes out and then no one will be able to say anything. Reckon youve got a good few years of excuses if you get them in quickly before you have to endure again!

Anatidae · 01/12/2016 16:52

No need to give reasons. Never JADE - justify, apologise defend or explain.

'No I won't be going,' 'that. Ugh this doesn't work for me,'

Once you start justifying you've lost the upper hand. Just say no, don't go and never explain yourself

Anatidae · 01/12/2016 16:53

That urgh? That night!

Original poster
designateddriver16 · 01/12/2016 19:06

I've worked in other firms where saying no to this kind of thing wouldn't have caused the remotest issue. This one is different. It's culturally ingrained that you have to join in and some years the date is booked around Easter time for the coming Christmas so saying you have something else on just never washes as you've had approx 56 emails reminding you about it by the time it comes round. I get asked to "encourage" my team to attend too. (I don't)

And I'm not ungrateful for free food nor expect free anything - but to be honest, it's never what you'd actually choose to eat at these things and my weekend time is worth more to me than the cost of a meal.

OP posts:
Original poster
designateddriver16 · 01/12/2016 19:09

Oracle, that's what I need to do next year. If I'm still there. This thread is helping me see that this is as batshit crazy as I'd suspected. And I haven't really gone into some of the other barking stuff that goes on.
Perhaps it's time to update my cv.

OP posts:
eyelevelgrill · 01/12/2016 19:40

I would like to know if this is public sector or private sector

reup · 01/12/2016 19:59

Please tell us what the entertainment is!

Hestheoneandonly · 01/12/2016 20:03

You're an adult an therefore you find fancy dress demeaning as no one over 10 should wear fancy dress?

Have they run a health and safety risk analysis of holding a party in the middle of no where and plying staff with alcohol?

Original poster
designateddriver16 · 01/12/2016 20:23

It's private sector. I realise you are lucky to get anything at all in public sector. Dp is public sector and this year they've gone from a hot to a cold buffet to save costs.

The entertainment is an employee. And is linked to the theme. Excruciating.

I will report back after the event Smile

OP posts:
AddToBasket · 01/12/2016 20:26

Do you work in insurance?

There is no way I'd go to a works thing on Saturday night - weekends are far too precious. I'm not even that keen on Friday evening drinks but I suck them up

Mehfruittea · 01/12/2016 20:38

Every year I always say I'm going. Stops them from hounding for a reason.

Then - I just don't go. No-one has ever seriously questioned me after the event. One year someone even suggested I was more pissed than them! Hmm

Don't go and have a lovely evening in.

eyelevelgrill · 01/12/2016 20:44

"cold buffet".....

it just gets worse.

Original poster
designateddriver16 · 01/12/2016 21:23

Eyelevelgrill, that's dp- our food will be hot, I hope. For that I am thankful Smile

I so wish I could do you all some covert filming.

In breaking news, I've managed to get in on a lift share. Now I will be able to partake in the free wine as well as the free tap water. This should make the whole thing a lot more bearable. (I will of course be providing the driver with overpriced soft beverages)

OP posts:
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