Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hide husbands drugs?

111 replies

Bjazzle · 29/11/2016 19:33

Prepared to be flamed here for being childish but im sick to death of dh addiction to cannabis, he puts his addiction and himself first before ds and myself. He has smoked cannabis regulaluarly for about 15 years, grew up with his family taking all sorts of drugs so genuinely believes this is the norm. I am aware I knew this when I met him but he has always been full of promises that he will stop. Ive tried to help him stop, ive booked doctors appointments and supported him when he has stopped smoking but he only lasts a couple of days before he declares he is now able to 'take it or leave it' so should be allowed to have a joint and before we know it, he smoking more than he did before. Its only recently hes admitted he is adddicted. Earlier today I wound myself up so much thinking about it, found a bag and hid it, unsure of what to do with it. Hes now frantically searching the house and even the bins outside. It really hurts that hes putting in so much effort into finding his drugs, but too lazy/ stoned to contribute anything else to the family. Ive tried to leave him but cant right now before anyone suggests this.
Aibu? Shall I own up and give him his drugs back?

OP posts:
DeleteOrDecay · 29/11/2016 21:40

Op I think you need to leave, there is help available for you and your son. This man is putting cannabis before everything else and that is not okay - I say this as someone who has used cannabis in the past.

There is a line and your H has crossed it. He won't stop unless he wants to, the fact that he can only go 2 days and then declares himself 'cured' says it all.

CockacidalManiac · 29/11/2016 21:40

I don't really see cannabis as a drug as it has been prescribed to people by doctors, if he does genuinely want to give it up you should support him and help him get the appropriate, remember he is not going to come off it over night.

If he was addicted to heroin crack/cocaine that's when I would be telling you to end the relationship with him...

Posters on this site can be so dramatic, it's unreal... I don't understand why people are telling OP to leave him.

You're generally ok with someone behaving illegally? Would it be ok if he was nicking cars?

Blaze6 · 29/11/2016 21:40

What if your son finds his cannabis and eats it?? Have you considered the potential danger you're putting your son in just so you can stay with someone for financial reasons???

Crispbutty · 29/11/2016 21:40

I would rather be with someone who smokes a bit of weed than an alcoholic.

If he's working, is a good partner and parent, and it is affordable then I honestly wouldn't have any issue with it myself.

SassyPants19 · 29/11/2016 21:41

I'd be pulling my resources together and high tailing it out the door ASAP! That's no environment to bring a baby into. I've seen cannabis destroy young families. And sadly you can't stop the addiction, only he can and he has to want it bad enough.

Crispbutty · 29/11/2016 21:42

"What if your son finds his cannabis and eats it??"

How many homes have alcohol in them that isn't locked away?? I wouldn't expect a child to munch through a bag of weed, it wouldn't taste very good.

CockacidalManiac · 29/11/2016 21:42

I would rather be with someone who smokes a bit of weed than an alcoholic

What a weird statement. It's not a 'shit partner' competition. Who
mentioned an alcoholic?

DeleteOrDecay · 29/11/2016 21:42

I believe you when you say your son is safe op. You sound like a lovely doting parent.

Nanny0gg · 29/11/2016 21:43

I don't understand why people are telling OP to leave him.

Because he's spending time and money on an illegal drug rather than his family?

Because he is subjecting his children to this?

Because it's wrong.

Sptownmama · 29/11/2016 21:43

My ex spends £20 a day at least on weed. Strong skunk too. He has now been sectioned 3 times and has a diagnosis of paranoid schizophrenia. He is nc with our DC's for their own protection. Op he wasn't always like that. He used to smoke a joint at night. This has built up over 30 years to where he is now.

PeteSwotatoes · 29/11/2016 21:43

gilly clearly you're opposed to any criticism of the drug you love so much. My ex was the same way.

PeteSwotatoes · 29/11/2016 21:44

I don't really see cannabis as a drug as it has been prescribed to people by doctors

Morphine, heroin, codeine, diazepam, lorazepam, zopiclone. Just some examples of addictive prescription drugs.

DeleteOrDecay · 29/11/2016 21:46

I would rather be with someone who smokes a bit of weed than an alcoholic.

Thing is, it's not just 'a bit' of weed is it? If it's affecting family life then it's a problem. If the op isn't happy with it, then it's a problem.

gillybeanz · 29/11/2016 21:48

Pete

On the contrary, this is why I say it's not addictive.
It's many things and can have some awful side effects if enough is consumed.
I just make sure I don't consume too much and have been smoking it for years. Took 10 years out until the last few years and honestly it was easy to stop.
The tobacco was another thing though and try as I can i can't stop, and worry about this all the time. I think the effects of me smoking tobacco are far worse than smoking a bit of weed.
I will admit though it is far stronger than when I started, you really don't need much to get an effect.

Crispbutty · 29/11/2016 21:48

Alcohol has been mentioned numerous times. I have had the misfortune to be married to an alcoholic. I know many friends in relationships with weed smokers and know them myself. The vast majority have good jobs, smoke recreationally and do not abuse their partners.

Hateloggingin · 29/11/2016 21:49

Gilly is a twat.

madein1995 · 29/11/2016 21:52

I'd prefer them smoking a bit of weed than being an alcoholic

Well yes, if they were doing cannabis non problematically, so would I. OP's partner has admitted he is addicted. That means he is not 'doing a bit of weed'. He has a problem. Going off the original topic here, but I really cannot fathom how cannabis is fine but alcohol and heroin are evil.

OP, YANBU for taking his weed but I don't think it'll make a big difference in the long term. You seem like a lovely lady, and I don't doubt your child's safety. Your son aside, it's not fair on YOU either. It seems like he's putting drugs before you, and that's not right, you shouldn't be someone's second best. You deserve more. OP what are the legalities, eg is the house in your name, his name, rented etc? Could you go to your LA for help? (Surely they have a responsibility to help out in this situation). Do you work? If not, what did you used to do and is there any chance you could do that again? There is always a way out, I promise you. It seems like you have more than just this going on. You are worth more than this you know, and you could get out.

JenLindleyShitMom · 29/11/2016 21:52

Ive asked him to leave but he wont,

Whose name is the house in?

he has nowhere else to go

That's his problem, not yours. He could go to his sister.

and couldnt afford to pay for 2 houses (he would have to carry on paying for this one as im on smp) and until I have the means to provide for my son alone.

Like I said, return to work or claim income support, housing benefit, child tax credits. Lone parents manage. They have to. You would too. The finances are not a reason to stay.

PeteSwotatoes · 29/11/2016 21:52

Yeah OK, it's so easy to quit that you got back on it again Confused well done on beating your addiction..

BarbarianMum · 29/11/2016 21:54

Crispbutty I know lots of people who drink recreationally, hold down good jobs and don't treat their spouses badly. Doesn't mean your other half didn't have a problem.

specialsubject · 29/11/2016 21:54

He is an addict. He prioritises his addiction over all else. That's what addicts do.

Same advice whatever saddo drug it is, including alcohol, or gambling, or online gaming. Get rid. And AF is right , change locks until he returns cured.

gillybeanz · 29/11/2016 21:55

Crispbutty

I totally agree, nobody in our family know me and dh smoke weed, ils would be mortified.
One of our children smokes tobacco and weed, the other grown up one doesn't touch anything and the youngest won't smoke either.
None of them have any inkling we smoke apart from ds2 who was quite amazed when we told him.
Thanks Hate Grin people must speak so highly of you too.

Hateloggingin · 29/11/2016 21:56

Gilly touché Grin

JellyBelli · 29/11/2016 21:57

If he can hold down a job, then his useless behaviour at home is strategic helplessness.
Stop hiding his weed, tell him to grow up.

PeteSwotatoes · 29/11/2016 21:57

Alcohol has been mentioned numerous times. I have had the misfortune to be married to an alcoholic. I know many friends in relationships with weed smokers and know them myself. The vast majority have good jobs, smoke recreationally and do not abuse their partners.

I know loads of people who drink responsibly. I also had a relationship with a weed addict. But I don't go around telling people that alcohol addiction is a myth. Maybe you could pay me the same courtesy?