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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hide husbands drugs?

111 replies

Bjazzle · 29/11/2016 19:33

Prepared to be flamed here for being childish but im sick to death of dh addiction to cannabis, he puts his addiction and himself first before ds and myself. He has smoked cannabis regulaluarly for about 15 years, grew up with his family taking all sorts of drugs so genuinely believes this is the norm. I am aware I knew this when I met him but he has always been full of promises that he will stop. Ive tried to help him stop, ive booked doctors appointments and supported him when he has stopped smoking but he only lasts a couple of days before he declares he is now able to 'take it or leave it' so should be allowed to have a joint and before we know it, he smoking more than he did before. Its only recently hes admitted he is adddicted. Earlier today I wound myself up so much thinking about it, found a bag and hid it, unsure of what to do with it. Hes now frantically searching the house and even the bins outside. It really hurts that hes putting in so much effort into finding his drugs, but too lazy/ stoned to contribute anything else to the family. Ive tried to leave him but cant right now before anyone suggests this.
Aibu? Shall I own up and give him his drugs back?

OP posts:
VoldysGoneMouldy · 29/11/2016 20:10

YABU to not leave him. Think of the enviroment - never mind the substances - you are exposing your son to. You say your husband grew up thinking this was normal. Is this who you want your son to be in twenty years time? Less?

Break the cycle and leave him.

Finances is always an excuse. You can find our what you're entitled to claim online.

You;re collaborating with your sons neglect.

Natsku · 29/11/2016 20:12

Can you get financial help if you leave him? I've lived with someone who spent all his money on cannabis, he thought it was a medicine for him so me and DD suffered. It took me far too long to get the courage to leave but it was worth it to leave.

Bunnyfuller · 29/11/2016 20:15

It will achieve nothing. He needs to want to stop and he needs help over and above supposedly not giving him access to the drugs. Addictions and dealers are twats who work well together. If he will go to gp that's a start, but honestly, lifestyle, peer group and even where you live need to change. There are a lot of facets to addiction and supply is the tip of the iceberg.

PeachBellini123 · 29/11/2016 20:16

You're living with a drug addict and are thinking of not returning to work Shock

Please don't become reliant on this man.

Quintessing · 29/11/2016 20:16

YABU to stay with him.

Yabu to let your dc grow up with a junkie. They will become like him, like your dp has become like HIS parents.

Is this really what you want for your children?

Marynary · 29/11/2016 20:18

There is no point in hiding them as he could just go out and get more. There is nothing you can do to make him stop so ultimately you need to decide whether you can live with it.

statetrooperstacey · 29/11/2016 20:18

"Accidentally " find them or he will spend money you don't have on more. Tell him he has x amount weed money a week and that is it so slow the fuck down.
Every time he spends £10/£20 say you want the same in your hand.
But yes if he can't control himself and he clearly can't have a good think about what you want/ need to do.

IJustWantABrew · 29/11/2016 20:20

Give him an ultimatum; the drugs or you. What if your ds found them? If he's to stoned to help with bringing your son up, cut your loses and leave him. That might give him the wake up he deserves.

cees · 29/11/2016 20:22

If I were in your situation I'd be terrified my children would follow in daddy's footsteps.

Stay if you want but know that it's very likely to happen.

Crunchymum · 29/11/2016 20:22

Does he work?

Soubriquet · 29/11/2016 20:22

There's a poster on mn who's dp is addicted to weed. And alcohol

Already her daughters life has been affected. The poster barely has enough money to buy her daughter clothes because he insists he needs £70+ a week on cannabis.

She is petrified of nursery smelling weed on her daughters clothing and SS taking her away

Do you really want your son to live like that?

LunaLoveg00d · 29/11/2016 20:24

Gosh he sounds like a real diamond, prioritising drugs over his son. What a catch. Of course you couldn't contemplate leaving such a prince among men. Hmm

Italiangreyhound · 29/11/2016 20:29

Get out while you can. Build a life without him. I think you need to priorities your son.

PollyHampton · 29/11/2016 20:33

Grow up and put your son first. Yes you can leave him, you know that. Mumsnet can get you through leaving him step by step. Stop being a mug.

Miserylovescompany2 · 29/11/2016 20:34

Hello, I'd imagine you've had many empty promises over the years? Unless you draw a line (set a boundary) then this will be your life...

You are not only responsible for your own choices now. Your son (baby) doesn't have a choice, he is reliant on YOU to keep him safe. He can NOT get himself to a place of safety if DADDY burns the house down because he's so stoned!

If you continue to stay you are enabling your husband to continue. If you leave you are showing him its not acceptable.

...better still, change the locks whilst he's out buying some more dope.

Violetcharlotte · 29/11/2016 20:38

I lived with a cannabis user for 10 years. Eventually I got sick of his constant promises to give up and left him as I was sick of (1) his paranoia, (2) the fact he couldn't get up in the morning so kept losing jobs, (3) the mood swings (4) the money he wasted on the stuff and (5) the stink of it!

i wouldn't hide his drugs, it'll probably just end up in an almighty row, and he'll only get more anyway. He won't change, so if you don't want cannabis in your life then it's you who needs to do something about it as he won't.

DrQuinzel · 29/11/2016 20:38

So this is the life you want, yes?

If not, change it.

Hiding drugs is at best immature game playing.

PlumsGalore · 29/11/2016 20:39

He grew up in a home with drugs so thinks it's normal, so if you stay with him your DC will grow up In a house with drugs and think it's normal ....

Blacksheep78 · 29/11/2016 20:40

grew up with his family taking all sorts of drugs so genuinely believes this is the norm.

Do you want this for your dc's?

'Find' them yourself, then plan how to get out of the relationship. ASAP

indigox · 29/11/2016 20:41

You know he's not going to stop, he's shown you time and time again he won't, hiding them will do nothing, he'll just go and get some more. You either accept that this is your life and you can't change him, or change it, leave and make your own life.

Violetcharlotte · 29/11/2016 20:43

Just read further down the thread and see you are thinking of leaving, but money's making if difficult. I would suggest speaking to the Housing team at the local authority, they'll be able to advice on housing benefit and help you work out your options. I hope it works out for you. It's hard, but leaving my druggie ex was the best decision I ever made. 12 years ion I've got a nice home, good career, lovely, healthy kids. He's still a druggie, with no permanent address and no relationship with his children's.
I hope you manage to work something out x

IcedVanillaLatte · 29/11/2016 20:44

Tangential, but how the hell do you get through £70 worth in a week?! That's a lot of cannabis. Given that, entirely theoretically, mind, you can get 20 pretty strong joints out of a £20 bag, easy.

DrQuinzel · 29/11/2016 20:46

You definitely cannot get 20 strong joints out of a £20 bag Confused

Like 5 maybe, at best.

TheLobsterRollPlease · 29/11/2016 20:46

Bjazzle Well if I were in your position I would give it back to him, you shouldn't have taken them in the first place.

I don't really see cannabis as a drug as it has been prescribed to people by doctors, if he does genuinely want to give it up you should support him and help him get the appropriate, remember he is not going to come off it over night.

If he was addicted to heroin crack/cocaine that's when I would be telling you to end the relationship with him...

Posters on this site can be so dramatic, it's unreal... I don't understand why people are telling OP to leave him.

Soubriquet · 29/11/2016 20:48

The NHS are prescribing it with the THC removed from it. Meaning the drug part which makes it addictive is removed .