to be fuming at this 'teacher'?

[user1480369074]

DD's music teacher told another student in class today: 'Don't warm up with (DD). You know why'. DD has interpreted it as 'Don't warm up with me in case some of my rubbish playing rubs off on you', and is heartbroken. There has always been some pretty blatant favouritism going on from this teacher, but this has taken it up a notch. DD lacks confidence anyway, and her teacher knows this. DD is aware there are better musicians in her grade, but it's never been an issue among the kids, they are all friends and supportive of each other. AIBU in thinking this teacher is being deliberately divisive and unnecessarily cruel? She's teaching ten-year-olds ffs!

Couldn't it equally be that they chat? Maybe the teacher wants them to be in particular pairings?

Probablymore to do with the fact they have both been told off for messing around/ talking and not doing their work. Not that your DD is going to admit this

Also why did you put teacher in inverted commas?

I wouldn't be 'fuming' as there could be an innocent explanation.

I would take it the girls were chatting-or at least the other girl has had a ticking off earlier on for something or other.

Ask the teacher?

Perhaps the teacher meant 'remember last time you warmed up together you distracted each other so it's not a good idea'

You're looking for an issue to 'fume' about where there really isn't one.

I'm sorry - but don't be ridiculous.

A teacher spoke to another child telling her not to work with your daughter in a particular pairing.

Your DD is "heartbroken" - really?? And you are now "fuming" -

Teachers regularly mix up pairings especially if kids chat. (There may be another reason - she may want to kids to work with lots of different kids not stick in the same pairing - completely normal and good teaching practice)

How can you either be heartbroken or fuming when neither of you have any idea why it was said?

Dramatic, overreaction, IMHO!

It really isn't a case of the two of them messing around. I can see where you're coming from though. I am the first one to come down hard on DD if I think she's pissing away her privilege (and my money) by not listening to her teacher, or not putting the effort in. But the 'you know why' suggested that certain students had been privy to things that others hadn't, specifically, things about that student (DD). It's not a nice feeling when you're an adult, but it's pretty devastating when you're ten.

I suggest you ask the teacher to phone you. Then you can ask what the problem was. If it wasn't the children messing about there will be a lull and she will be embarrassed.

Tell your DD that it is ok to ask why if it happens again!

OP - the fact is, you don't know what "you know why" means at all. Why not just ask the teacher straight, not kicking off/getting annoyed but just asking?

I would say something like "Oh, DD mentioned that you said to X that you didn't want her warming up with DD and she would know why. I just wondered what that meant?" (The least you say here the better, until she's responded).

It could be for a variety of reasons. If the teacher is being obstructive in any way, you can then say "Well, it seemed like you'd had a conversation about DD with X. There's no problem if you've got something to say about DD and her ability, but that should really stay between you and DD/myself. Everyone develops at different rates, it's unfair to make comparisons to the students' faces and it can really dent their confidence."

Maybe the information was about the child she didn't want working with yours. So not your child's business IYSWIM.
Yes chat to the teacher but I wouldn't be fuming or livid. I would also suggest if a 10 year old is devastated by a comment that may not even be aimed at her or have anything to do with her playing then perhaps she's being oversensitive?

'You know why' could mean she's already had a word with the girl about chatting and mucking about.

If that's the case, she won't want to embarrass her by dragging the reason up again in front of your DD.

Save the heartbreak and fuming for after you've had a polite word with the teacher, asking her to clarify (in private) her comment.

Oh for heaven's sake. You have no idea what the teacher meant. Stop fuming and try asking.

speak to the teacher to get the full story, not here say and assumed ideas. but your reactions do sound a bit ott tbh.

. But the 'you know why' suggested that certain students had been privy to things that others hadn't, specifically, things about that student (DD).

Or it suggests that the teacher has spoken to the other student about something and the two of them have made an action plan to improve/implement whatever action they had discussed ... when the teacher saw the student breaking that agreement/not doing something they had discussed, they reminded the student in what they thought was a discreet way (ie "You know why" rather than "Remember we discussed how you get distracted if you work with DD and you agreed that you'd work with X this week instead?") to avoid possibly drawing attention to the other student and making them uncomfortable, but on this occasion their vageness backfired as your DD overheard.

Also, did your DD not ask the other student what the teacher meant, later? I know that if anything happened like that to me at school (and tbh even now) the first think I'd have done once the teacher had moved away would be to ask what they had meant by that comment.

I think that's a really odd conclusion to jump to, I can understand your daughter being upset but don't encourage it fgs!

Thank you for your responses, they have given me pause for thought. But, with consideration, I am still fuming that my DD had to deal with this today, and she has still gone to bed upset. The comment was definitely aimed at/about DD and was not about the other student. I get what you're all saying, and it makes total sense in a generalised situation, but in this instance, it actually was an adult belittling a child and deliberately making her feel bad about herself. Maybe it's a strategy that works with some kids; it's not one that I'd use, but it's entirely possible that I'm missing a trick.

There are so many other possible reasons behind what the teacher said, but your dd and then you immediately jump to the worst possible interpretation. That is a type of paranoia. I have had it and it is hell. Anytime your dd tells you something like this you should be the first to explain to her that it could just as easily have been something positive and nice.

How do you know who the comment was definitely aimed at? You weren't there.

Atenco, thank you. I do spend an inordinate amount of time telling my DD how wonderful she is, and she really is, but a million affirmations from me - just mummy - can be undone by one negative and thoughtless comment from a teacher (I am a teacher, but not her teacher, therefore I know nothing 😔).