dh comments - pig

[YokoWakarimasen]

tonight after dinner I was cleaning up and noticed a placemat had last nights dinner on it. I asked dh and he insisted he had wiped it but it wouldn't come off. I got a wet cloth and it came off easily. I laughed and made a joke about me being right and took things through to the kitchen. when I returned dd looked uncomfortable and said I need to tell you something. dh said, no don't! if mummy and daddy split up it will be your fault. I told dd that she had done nothing wrong and got her to tell me. Apparently dh called me a pig when I had left the room. Recently he has remarked on my being overweight - I am 5'7 and 13.5 stone but I am working on it. He is from an asian country where almost everyone is very slender. I was hurt at his comment and told him not to come near me.

DD got upset. She is 7, I explained its not her fault. I told dh I am not Happy at him putting that kind of pressure / guilt on her, and that he.s setting a terrible example.

He disagrees and is now angry with me.

AIBU?

He's a nob!

Ugh he is horrible. You have a lovely daughter, though.

YANBU, and tbh in my eyes you're not overweight.
I would definitely be shocked if DH made a comment like that to DD blackmailing her!

He is the pig. What do you see in him?

Is this the tip of the iceberg?

Your DH is a dick.

He called you a pig in front of your DD? He should be sleeping elsewhere tonight. Is he always such an awful father? (and make no mistake, anyone who calls their DP names in front of their DC is an awful parent no matter how it's painted).

Your weight is not the problem. Your DH is.

It was a childish remark, possibly not even aimed at your weight. He shouldn't have put your dd in a difficult position either. He owes you both an apology.

Start calling him Little Stubby Penis man when dd has gone to bed.

What a manipulative, rude prick your DH seems to be. Does he have any nice qualities?

dh said, no don't! if mummy and daddy split up it will be your fault. I told dd that she had done nothing wrong and got her to tell me. Apparently dh called me a pig when I had left the room

Your husband is acting like an awful parent. To say that it's her fault if you split up to your 7yo is a really rotten thing to do. So's calling you a pig. Among other things it's loading her with pressure and with guilt. Indefensible.

Can you talk to your husband? does he listen to you? If he does, then you need to point out how destructive this is. Frankly it's very bad parenting.

If you can't, if he doesn't listen to you, I think you need to take a good long look at yoru relationship becuase if this sort of thing happens regularly it's going to have a destructive and deep effect on your daughter. Your husband needs parenting classes at the very least.

I did wonder if my saying haha I'm right over the mats was a bit dickish as he clearly hadn't wiped them at all.

He thinks I am at fault for not creating a happier atmosphere that he could make jokes like that. He doesn't get that although unpleasant the comment isn't the issue, but they way he tried to shift the blame to dd is. He thinks she needs to learn diplomacy rather than being overly honest.

I am pissed off, doing kids bed while I can hear him banging the dishes.

Bad enough that he was so rude about you, but "dh said, no don't! if mummy and daddy split up it will be your fault" to your seven year old daughter ! Bloody hell! What is he trying to do to the poor child! He's a total wankbadger.

What the hell? What he said to your child was actually emotionally abusive. What an absolute knob, i'm raging on your behalf.

And he called you a pig to your daughter, why? Because you dared to make a joke at his expense? Warning bells are going off eveywhere here. We're at def con 3

Diplomacy? Even fucking Ban Ki-moon would have him harpooned through the bollocks and fed to angry sharks, thinking 'jokes' like that should be tolerated. Has he always been such a total twat?

krusty I'm going to elevate the situation to Def Con 4. Alert the President.

In all seriousness, krusty is spot on; there are so many alarm bells ringing here. Putting the blame for his shitty behaviour onto you, emotionally manipulating your DD, making you feel shit about your weight, even the stupid lie about having cleaned up the night before.

He just apologized but full of buts and becauses. Because I sometimes tease him about going bald - which is true. But to his face and not to the kids!

I want him to realise why I am annoyed and to fix it, not to apologize for an easy life.

He isn't always a twat but I think he is getting worse.

Thank you for taking the time to comment. It is very reassuring.

Hang on - YOU are at fault because you don't create a happy kind of atmoshpere where your husband can call you a pig to your daughter when you are out of the room and you can't all laugh about it when she repeats it? Have I got that right? We're now at Def Con 5. 'Kin hell, OP, this is not on! Even if you did DARE to point out that a placemat hasn't been wiped!

There is a massive difference between good natured teasing and insulting someone, especially when you do it behind their backs, to a child.

He insulted you, in front of your children - involving them, and now he's angry with your because you're uPset!?

He's a dickhead.

Calling you a pig was cruel. What he said to your daughter was emotional abuse. That would be unforgivable for me.

You need to lose about 12 stones...of DH.

Blimey! I call DH "Baldy" when we're carrying on daft, and he calls me "Chubbs". Neither of us takes offence because we love each other, and each of us knows the other cares - but if he called me a "pig"I would off it, and so would he if I said such a nasty thing to him!

There's teasing, and there's malice. And we can all tell the difference between the two.

dh said, no don't! if mummy and daddy split up it will be your fault.

That is unforgivable.

Who would say that to a child. What a heinous excuse for a human.

He sounds cruel op.

Your dd and you deserve a kind man.