To be dreading the teenage years?? Please tell me about your lovely teens

[Mycatisfuzzy]

I need a grip.

My DD is 10. She is lovely - so happy, doing well at school, popular, has a really nice group of friends. She does a few hobbies, horse riding, music and Guides. She loves being outside, still loves playing with her toys, has loving extended family. She has her moments, but in general she is a sunny, lovely, happy child.

We were never able to have any more children, and perhaps that's partly why I'm feeling this way. As she edges closer to the end of primary school, I am filled with fear and dread of what the teenage years will bring to her.

I know I am guilty of skewed thinking. I also was a happy child, until something happened when I was 13. This something awful ruined my life and I had a horrible time of it, really up until my mid twenties - drugs, unsafe sex, depression.

I have also worked with troubled teenagers in the past, and I saw how difficult it was for them at times. Self harm, eating disorders, abusive boyfriends.

When I think of DD going through that sort of thing, I feel physically sick, and i wish I could run away with her and DH and our dogs, to some lovely, lonely cottage in some nice woods where she can play outside and ride horses and grow up in her own good time, away from anybody who might make her grow up far too quickly and painfully.

I know it's totally irrational, but I'm worried that as DD does get that bit older, my fears will hold her back. I don't want to be that overprotective mum and I fully realise that my own experiences have put a massive twist in my perception.

I would really love to hear about your own teens - just normal, happy teenagers who go to the cinema or ice skating and whose biggest problems are they eat too much toast and use up all the hot water

I think the teen years mean the kids heads get an overflow of hormones and they don't necessarily think the same. Tell your daughter that her head may feel different as a teen because I think they need to know this. The teen years can be confusing for them and us. Let her know it will be okay (and remind yourself). She will feel a bit different and will respond in new ways as she gets to learn things for herself and see the world differently. That is normal and okay. Remind her and you that she will get herself back after the teen years, or she may not feel any difference at all (she may just think and feel the same). I think it helps them to know they will get their normality back. A teen brain can be overwhelming but it's not forever. I think teaching her now how to talk to you and communicate when she's tired and frustrated helps too - emotions get hugely exaggerated in the teen years. Talking openly about body changes and sex and decide on a plan or her of you think it's right - plan ahead ie this is how we can navigate the teen years.
Just because everyone goes one way with drugs, alcohol and sex doesn't mean you have to fall into it together and accept it. Educate her and talk to her about what you went through. Share your experiences. I think this helps. Be open with her and she will be open with you and it will help get through those possibly tough years. Remember her experience will be different to yours and it may be hugely different to what her friends go through. No one person is the same.

Got one teen boy who hit 12 and frankly became a raging pita for a while - rude, in trouble at school (culminating in him being suspended once), irresponsible, and just not nice to be around.
Since the start of year 11 he couldn't be more different - tidier, happier, more focussed in school, brilliantly funny company and very responsible. 2 of his teachers have phoned us specifically to tell us how much better he is and how well he's doing and he has a decent chance of good grades next year.
No idea how this sudden change happened so we can't take any credit for it!

I have two teen boys, one 18 and one 14, I think I love them both more than ever. 95% of the time they are the best company ever.

Totally agree with picking your battles though, try to listen to the funny stories and watch for the touching gestures rather than concentrating on their floordrobes or the fact that ALL your glasses are in their bedroom

Ihave two sons. One is 20 and the other has just had his 17th birthday.
I have really enjoyed the teen years. It's been really good fun.I've had no serious issues. I had a little back chat from DS1 but nothing major.

They did well at school and both are now working. They play sport, have a girlfriend and have passed their driving tests.
We have busy lives but still go to the cinema, gigs and sporting events together as well as go hiking and on holidays together.

DS2 is the closest to me. I just picked him up from his girlfriends house and he wanted me to drive the long way round so he could be the 'in the car dj' He has great taste and varied taste in music - He played Bronski Beat, the latest Kings of Leon one as well as the Blossoms and Pink Floyd.
DS2 is a giggler and can make me laugh and always gives me a hug and kiss in the morning and when he comes home.

DS1 is a bit more serious but likes to look after me.

I adore having the boys and their girlfriends and other mates around the house.

DS has his moments of hormonal door slamming, and he is very hard to get out of bed - but that is normal, I think. He works hard at school, now has some good friendships, and generally is delightful company.

I was an OK teenager but my sister had terrible battles with mum, who expected us to be terrible teens, as her friends had some corkers. DSis always felt I was mum's favourite, so was particularly sensitive: it was a conflict waiting to happen. Poor DSis never felt mum loved her. She's had far better relationships with her kids, I'm glad to say, and they were good teenagers too.

My teens are gorgeous- funny, caring, passionate, protective, intelligent, fair. They were nice kids, but SO much nicer as teens. Plus they sleep in at the weekend so I get a lie-in!

my 15 year old son is great company, we go shopping together (no daughters), my 13 year old has the odd big strop, but is also still keen on a cuddle.

My 14 year old came downstairs when I came home. He cuddled me and picked me up and gave me a kiss. He can be a Pita but he's also adorable. I love him more every day. His friends are lovely too.

I was a good teen. Did well at school, worked at the weekends, went to uni and had good friends that I'd met in Primary One (I'm in my early 30s) and we're all still the best of friends. Not every teen goes off the rails. I have lovely parents who were always very honest about the realities of life and taught me two lessons that I carried with me:

1. work hard because you will reap the benefits in later life

2. don't sleep around as a teenager as people will remember you as an adult for what you were like as teenager (my mum's advice)

That was enough to keep me on the straight and narrow

I have had four teens, and their teen years are amoung the absolute best. theers horrible moments of course. and nights lying awake, dodgy friends, drink etc etc, but thats made up for by the fact that they are so interesting, lovely, and its an amazing feeling knowing you have raised a great person!!! only have one teen left now, but they are all good friends as well as siblings, see them all nearly everyday and are all doing great things. Also its so nice having a house filled with enthusiastic young people. ill miss it terribly when its over.