To be dreading the teenage years?? Please tell me about your lovely teens

[Mycatisfuzzy]

I need a grip.

My DD is 10. She is lovely - so happy, doing well at school, popular, has a really nice group of friends. She does a few hobbies, horse riding, music and Guides. She loves being outside, still loves playing with her toys, has loving extended family. She has her moments, but in general she is a sunny, lovely, happy child.

We were never able to have any more children, and perhaps that's partly why I'm feeling this way. As she edges closer to the end of primary school, I am filled with fear and dread of what the teenage years will bring to her.

I know I am guilty of skewed thinking. I also was a happy child, until something happened when I was 13. This something awful ruined my life and I had a horrible time of it, really up until my mid twenties - drugs, unsafe sex, depression.

I have also worked with troubled teenagers in the past, and I saw how difficult it was for them at times. Self harm, eating disorders, abusive boyfriends.

When I think of DD going through that sort of thing, I feel physically sick, and i wish I could run away with her and DH and our dogs, to some lovely, lonely cottage in some nice woods where she can play outside and ride horses and grow up in her own good time, away from anybody who might make her grow up far too quickly and painfully.

I know it's totally irrational, but I'm worried that as DD does get that bit older, my fears will hold her back. I don't want to be that overprotective mum and I fully realise that my own experiences have put a massive twist in my perception.

I would really love to hear about your own teens - just normal, happy teenagers who go to the cinema or ice skating and whose biggest problems are they eat too much toast and use up all the hot water

IamAmy I love you. I love that you spot and call out the sexism. Well done.
Mine are still small but I often comment that teenagers get a bad rap. On Sundays, my local town centre is filled with teens working casual jobs st shops and cafes. Unfailingly polite and professional. And reminds me that most teens aren't sitting around waiting for mum and dad to do everything .

I have two teen/preteen DDs at 15 years old and 12 years old.

I won't lie, having two hormonal teens can sometimes be a hideous minefield of tears and arguments. My eldest daughter was bloody horrible between 13 and 15, and gave me more than one sleepless night. However the last few months she has grown into a smart, funny young woman and apart from the odd rant at me and her sister she's lovely.

When they aren't being horrible, they are good fun, loving, sharp and curious about everything. They are outraged by all of the injustices in the world and we have some huge discussions about it. They are funny and quick, and of course sometimes just little girls too.

It's hard for teens today I think, there's lots of pressure to be perfect, more so than when I was 15, over 20 years ago.

I wouldn't worry, your DD will grow and change, but she'll still be the same DD deep down.

WorkingBling thank you so much for the lovely compliment! Made me smile to read

Dd has had some MH issues (severe anxiety and depression) but tbh they centre around things that happened before she reached her teens and are very much to do with genetics/health issues, nothing to do with being a teenager.

In any case, despite having had a very rough time, she has always been a nice person. A kind sister, a caring daughter and granddaughter, a good friend to her friends, a good person to be around even at her lowest.

Ds at 16 was mature enough to sit by the bedside of his dying grandmother and comfort her. It was not pretty, it was not easy, but he wanted to be there for her. He finds college difficult and struggles to find his path in life, but he never takes it out on other people. He is lazy as they come and completely disorganised, but he is trustworthy when it matters and a genuinely kind person. And he's fun; he's got a dry sense of humour, I enjoy his company.

One nearly 18 year old DS here, and he's a total joy.

Funny, kind, loving, interesting, affectionate, honest - I love spending time with him.

We've had a couple of minor bumps during his teens, and I did describe him to a colleague today as '6 ft 2 inches of mouth, don't rush to teach your kids to talk' but honestly, it's not necessarily going to be difficult.

Only 1 DS, lovely child, awful from 14-15, got with his first girlfriend 6 months ago and is now a lovely 16-year-old. Don't stand for any disrespect but as long as they are doing well at school and you know where they, are pick your battles and keep the lines of communication open. Let them know that you may dislike their behaviour but you will always love them. Accept that they are growing up and let them be themselves. They do come back to you, just in a different form!

Teen years- a young housemate and friend who is old enough to cook a meal, doesn't need a babysitter, and will pop to the shop for milk. The freedom to go out and send a text saying when you'll be home! A son who eventually gets over finding you embarrassing and puts an arm round your shoulders as you walk down the street. Enjoying the company of a gang of young people who just arrive home with yours and eat you out of house and home- no need to organise playdates any more, but lots of taxi services.
Arguments, obviously, tears, hormones, late night careers advice, homework and deadline stresses, boyfriends and relationship angst, having to lay down the law to soemone who wishes you would just get off her case, and all the rest of it, but if your dd has got to 10 as a reasonable human being you can enjoy being with, why do you think that will change? With any luck she and her lovely friends will carry on growing up together and be each others bridesmaids (and nightclub wing-girls) one day.

Yes, there is societal pressure on them to grow up too fast, but you can help her withstand that. Your fears are real, it sounds as though you had a horrible experience, and hopefully you can use that to ensure that your dd doesn't go through the same.

I have found the teen years the most enjoyable time yet. It has been a breeze (16 and 19) No strops, no moods, never a cross word in the house.
My teens are hardworking thoughtful, loving,have lovely friends, always get great reports from teachers about their attitude and behaviour.

We go out for meals together, discuss the world, laugh like drains and have a great time.

DS1 is 14, we have the odd stroppy day and occasionally have to decipher the teenage grunts he gives as answers instead of words...but they're minor things. The vast majority of the time he's polite, generally sociable, no problems with school. Taught himself guitar and has a band with a couple of friends. Most of all I'm very proud of the fact that he knows what he likes and doesn't care if it's 'cool' or not.

But they always want you to proof read an essay or discuss gap year plans or uni choices at 11.30pm when you begging for bed.

I'm genuinely envious of your nice teen stories. And a tiny bit needled by the "we did x and y and our teens were great" posts because really, you can't take all the credit, just as parents of babies who sleep through the night from day 1 and never cry, can't take all the credit. It really can go either way, and you don't know, which is what the OP seems to be acknowledging.

It's not about taking credit. The OP asked for people to tell her about some lovely teens. We've obliged.

Shins I don't think a single poster on this thread has taken any credit for their teens. Where does a single poster state that we did X and our teens are great ? In fact most posters sound relieved and surprised that their teens don't conform to the worst stereotypes, but acknowledge that there are hairy moments too.

You share the same fear as many of us, but history does not need to repeat itself. It hasn't for me - you can break the cycle.
And I bloody well do take credit for my 2 lovely teens - I took my own shit childhood as an example of what not to do and, by doing the opposite, the result is two wonderful teens (18 and 15). I have to believe (for my own sanity) that it is not some happy accident.

We've got 2 DSs (almost 22 and almost 20).

DS1 hasn't ever given us a minute's bother. He doesn't shout, argue or fight. He's bright, funny and hard working. Everything he does he gives it 100%.

He worked hard at school, he joined the army at 19 and is always the first to volunteer for anything. He's an amazing big brother and role model to DS2.

DS2 has always my shadow, although he's away at uni now. We are so close, he says I'm his best friend. He's a bit more moody than DS1, but we don't fall out and can't go to sleep on an argument.

I'm disabled and since he was about 3 he wanted to be a nurse. He's got a natural ability for it and is in his second year now. Last year, on his first placement, he was looking after old ladies. He remembered how much my gran liked to look nice and have nice hair, so he spent hours on youtube learning how to put rollers in their hair. The ladies were so pleased. I cried when he told me. He's so thoughtful.

Yes Timeforteaplease I worked really hard to give my DC a better childhood than I had, to give figure out how to be the parent and be open and honest and supportive. I'm proud of not being my parents particularly my Dad (my Mum is lovely, but it took from when her and my Dad split when I was 17 until I was in my 20's for her to grow into the strong woman she is now. My Dad was an abusive shit) It could be that they'd have been lovely teens no matter what, but bollocks am I not taking some credit for it.

3 fantastic teens here
1 nightmare teen
Can't win them all

Thank you. This is what I need to hear.

When I was a teen, my life changed in such an unimaginable (to me) and irrevocable way, it has had an effect on life long decisions, and I'll never be the person I could have been. That's not self pity, it's the way it is, and I have a very good life now, but it's a constant reminder of what could happen to a kid right at the brink of growing up. Then of course, through work etc I've been surrounded by teens who are brave, clever, and sweet, but who are dealing with things that would destroy many adults.

I love hearing about nice kids who are doing sport, going for hot chocolate, studying, bringing their friends home. That's exactly what I needed to hear. Thank you

I saw a pp say "say what you mean and mean what you say" and that's probably the most important thing I've learnt.

My 17 year old DSS is remarkable. He was a complete grunter when I first met him at 14 however now he's developed a personality and it's fabulous. He's lazy as sin and has his moments, but he is such a credit not just to his father but to our whole family. He helps out with my DDs and his brothers whenever he can be bothered, he sometimes goes out and gets drunk or comes home later than agreed but he's never done anything really wild, stupid or crazy (yet) (in comparison to what I was like as a teen - or my OH for that matter, as HE was a father by 17) and he is generally respectful and considerate. He's on track with his grades, he has friends and an innate ability to socialise with everyone. I look at him and see just how much love, affection and time my OH has put into raising him and it makes me so proud.

I also have a 12 year old (my niece, but she's been in my care for a couple of years) and she's just starting to kick up a little bit of a fuss, but she still crawls into my bed some mornings and eats the star and moon shaped cereals for breakfast (even if now it's while sporting badly blended eye make up, an overly rouged lip and a sarcastic flip to her voice). You take the moments you can get, you love and support them and never judge them too harshly (however much you might want to). I'll be her rock, her best friend and her biggest enemy for as long as I can and I will try to cherish every second. My parents weren't there for me as a teenager, I had a series of nannies and au pairs who weren't paid enough to deal with my crap, so I'm going to make sure she never feels like I'm willing her awkward teen years to go by so we can be "friends again" like my parents did. She's going to get more difficult, she's going to push all of my boundaries and probably put me to an early grave but I'm actually really looking forward to watching her shape into the adult she'll become (however bloody cheesy that sounds!). I'm waiting for the "YOU'RE NOT MY MOTHER" speech at some point, maybe it'll come and maybe it won't, but I know eventually she'll value me for all I've given her. My faith is naive, I do know.

I didn't realise this was a topic I felt so passionately about until I started to type. God, I'm a bit mushy now.

Never in my life did the title 'Men are from Mars, women are from Venus" become more apt than when my kids hit the teenage years. My DS, a joy, absolutely no issues, the same helpful guy he always was. My DD please?

Absolute nightmare. Doors slamming, hysterics, no access to the main bathroom for at least an hour every morning, stealing my hair products, cosmetics and often emptying them as using far too much at once, my purple hair masque comes to mind 😱 Not forgetting the screams of how miserable we are making her.

I tried the softly softly, encouraging, gentle mother route. Nada. Eventually I had enough. One night she is slamming doors screaming "You are ruining MY LIFE!" I don't know what came over me but I just collapsed to the floor in hysterics, like really beetle legs in the air laughing. I don't belly laugh that often so when I did this with tears, choking, my husband just lost it too, he was doubled over. She heard us, came out of her room and downstairs and stood gaping at us before laughing herself. After that our go-to was to wind her up, her dad would be lying on her bed arms uder his head, legs crossed when she came back to her room from somewhere. What are you doing in my room?" Screaming. He is wriggling as if to get comfy like "I never realised how nice this bed is, sooooo comfy. I might just watch TV in here tonight". I could tell you some stories. She cracked after two weeks

Haven't RTFT. My DSS at the age of 16 is an absolute delight. He is the opposite of what I was at that age, he confides in me, doesn't go out drinking like I did, generally is nothing like I would expect of someone that age.

Teen DC is lovely, but this sums it up...

Never in my life did the title 'Men are from Mars, women are from Venus" become more apt than when my kids hit the teenage years.

I hate this damaging and myth perpetuating phrase. Your experience is one experience. The phrase is something which assumes behaviours will be specific to women or men. As you can see from this thread, as I know from what I see of myself, brothers and friends, boys can give issues, girls can give issues, boys can be a joy, girls can be a joy. When girls have any kind of angry turn it's "typical teenage girls, always a drama", if a boy does it's just him being a bit angry as an individual. This stereotype of teenage girls and the insinuation girls and boys, women and men are completely different really gets to me. 'Delusions of Gender' by Cordelia Fine is excellent on this.

I have two teens and two preteens.

The teens are absolutely lovely - yes, they occasionally have their moments but they are hard-working, friendly, cheerful with really nice friends. They do quite a lot of sport out of school which I think seems to help, not sure why though.

I also had a very very difficult teenage stage due to problems at home and I was worried.

I have three teenage boys (2 sons and a stepson) aged 17, 15 and 13 and they are great.
I have found that the trick is not to treat them like kids and don't impose too strict rules. Thankfully so far none of them have got into trouble and they are all good hardworking sensible boys.
My step daughter however is 12 and has already been caught bunking off school, she is full of attitude and pushes every boundary to the limit and has a mouth on her like I've never experienced with the boys.
It must be a girl thing because they have all been raised the same. We are in for a bumpy ride I think....