Fallen out with DH, I think he might be right

[stormsandwaves]

One of my ways of coping if I get really stressed or overwhelmed is to strike myself across the face. It just makes me feel calmer and then I can deal with the situation objectively.

DH has told me I have got to stop it but the problem is, I'm not generally calm enough to agree with him at this point.

So AIBU to ask people, what their coping strategies are when you feel you're about to lose it?

Yes I realise that Arf but unfortunately it is something that happens when I lose control and perspective.

Twice a month and in public is loads.

Can't believe you won't see anyone. I think you don't think it's that big a deal.

Seeing someone wouldn't work. I have to sort this myself my way,

Couldn't you find your way with the help of someone with far superior knowledge of how the human brain works than you?

No.

What on earth do you mean, Arf? Sorry I'm not being rude I genuinely don't understand what you mean 'what is the point in asking for strategies' - you don't surely mean I should carry on walloping myself?

She means if you're so in control that you don't need specialist help, but just suggestions off the Internet about alternatives, then how are you saying you're out of control? How come you haven't been doing different things all along?

Well, it seems like you're not willing to take the option of what is most likely to work best - professional help

Wearing a hair band on your wrist doesnt seem to be something you would be willing to do, judging by your response.

Perhaps your unaware but you're not coming s russ as someone who genuinely wants to sort this

So what I would say is do what you want to do to yourself - your an adult. Just don't inflict your behaviour on your children or unsuspecting members of the public.

If you are so out of control you are slapping yourself, it follows that your probably won't don't another technique.

Fwiw my mum used to this or pull her hair out. It's very distressing for kids to see. They may not show it. I didn't. But it's damaging.

You need professional help for this.

No, I'm not having professional help, it doesn't mean I'm not open to suggestions. Tbh the judgement I'm getting on here confirms I'm doing the right thing not opening up.

Could you explain why you're not up for professional help? It's much more likely to be useful to you than anything we can say.

It's not judgement storms, it's worry.

What is it that scares you about professional help?

I started anxiety medication recently and am on a waiting list for CBT - I'd do anything to fix my head. It's taken years to get there though so I'm sympathetic.

Are you frightened that they couldn't do anything really and you're stuck like this? Or is a phobia?

Well tonnes of reasons but I've just got no faith in it, it just doesn't work, that's the main one.

Haven't RTFT and not going to because I am finding it triggering, so apologies if someone has already suggested this but what you are doing is self-harm and you need to see a mental health specialist. It doesn't matter if you've never seriously injured yourself or anything like that, it's a serious issue and you could go on to seriously hurt yourself. Self-injury is almost always a symptom of a mental illness and mental illnesses do not usually just disappear themselves, especially if they have been present for a long period of time (you say you've been doing this since your early teens). Please speak to your GP about it, and/or privately go and see a counsellor if you can afford that and would rather do that than see your GP. Please.

I think that everyone on this thread (bar one person who posted something truly appalling) genuinely wants to help and support you. However, the very best kind of help you can access is IRL, with professionals who have training and experience in this area. If you broke your leg, you wouldn't try to set it yourself, would you?

You slap your own face OP?! I feel more like slapping someone else's face when the I'm stressed!

What doesn't work? Modern medicine?

Do you hate doctors when your kids are unwell?

I do actually Morris yes!

Thanks, DoIt, sorry if I sounded horrible. I just really need ideas for how I can help myself.

Well, meds have helped my husband who has problems hitting himself sometimes, so I think they can help, but there are no guarantees of course.

And CBT and stuff is all reliant on you doing the work, it's something I'm worried about myself but crossing my fingers over.

Have you tried them all before?

I guarantee your GP won't judge by the way if that's a worry - they seemed semi-bored by what I told them (as nicely as possible - they've seen it all before).

X-post - what about a phone appointment?

Also I'm a testament to the fact that professional help DOES work. I self-harmed between the ages of 12 and 19. I'm 23 now. If it wasn't for a supportive GP, counselling with a brilliant counsellor, intensive support at sixth-form and uni, and antidepressants, I would not have been able to stop. This is clear by the fact that I couldn't stop until I got the professional help that I needed. It does work. It did for me.

Well exactly, they don't help, they are bored. So it's largely pointless going.