Fallen out with DH, I think he might be right

[stormsandwaves]

One of my ways of coping if I get really stressed or overwhelmed is to strike myself across the face. It just makes me feel calmer and then I can deal with the situation objectively.

DH has told me I have got to stop it but the problem is, I'm not generally calm enough to agree with him at this point.

So AIBU to ask people, what their coping strategies are when you feel you're about to lose it?

[Message edited by MNHQ}

WTAF - who on earth do you think you are coming on to the thread and writing that?!

This sounds awful. I think you should see someone re coping methods as thismust be horrible to witness

Oh ignore Toenails, it's probably my husband I don't want to / don't feel I can see anybody, but thanks. I can manage it by giving myself that shock factor in such a way as to not scare children.

Witnessing violence is massively damaging to children, and incredibly warped them witnessing it being aimed at oneself. You need to get help, before you irreparably damage your children.,

I really sympathise, but your husband is right; this isn't a healthy coping strategy and it's certainly not something that your children should be witnessing. Plus, it's a really harsh way to treat yourself - you deserve better and being kinder to yourself is the way forward.

I think what you're doing is quite similar to self-harming (which I used to do, so I know what the feeling is like) and I think you need some proper help. If you find you're often feeling so panicked/distressed that you react in this way, I think your GP might be a good first port of call to see if they can refer you for some CBT or another form of therapy. Good luck - I hope you can resolve this soon.

I also suggest you try and have a proper talk about this with your husband - not when it's just happened and you're understandably upset, but when you're both calm and can talk a bit more objectively. I'm sure your husband must be worried about you and will want to be as helpful as he can be.

Please go and see your GP and try to get help to find better ways to cope.

Your behaviour must be terrifying for your DC. Can imagine how it's affecting them to watch their DM's self harm?

Ah, just seen from your last post that you don't want to go and see anyone, well in that case at least stop doing it in front of your DC. You will be harming them letting them witness such behaviour.

And if you really think that disgusting remark from Toenails could be your husband I think he needs some sort of help too.

I know. I'm not deliberately doing it in front of DC, by the way - it's not something I set out to do.

Pterodactyl, what an appalling thing to say. I despair sometimes.

storms, of course your husband is right that you must find some better coping mechanisms. Can you reframe the whole issue, so you are not looking for a way to "shock" yourself but to work through the emotions you are experiencing? Deep breathing exercises and meditation could be useful techniques, but I think counselling with a good therapist would be the best option.

Your children have seen this?? And you haven't got help before now??

I'm not "getting help", I'm trying to help myself.

Only because your dh is fed up?

If you like Hack

This is damaging for your children. You need to access any means necessary to stop. And if not consider the impact on them as a priority. If there are situations which are a trigger they should not be present at those times.

I don't think anyone thinks you're doing it deliberately in front of your DC. Clearly it's something you're not able to control.

You've been doing it since you were very young, it's highly unlikely you're going to be able to find ways of stopping such entrenched behaviour on your own.

You need to get professional help and seeing your GP is the first step. If not for your own sake, do it for your DC.

That is what you said, in your op, not what I 'like'

Hack, I didn't say what you've claimed I've said? Either way it's not important. I was asking about coping strategies.

Definitely elastic band around wrist. Please try it. It will take a little while for you to get into the habit of doing it instead of the face thing, but keep at it, keep telling yourself "wrist NOT face" and if your dh catches you intime, before the stress pushes you ask him to call out "wrist" even if you're in the middle of hitting your face. Keep going. DH wants you to stop hitting your face, so he should be more than happy to help you.

It's not the final answer, at some point you will probably have to substitute the wrist for a less destructive action, and seeing a counsellor about this will help you get there.

Thanks. I suppose the only problem is, do I walk round indefinitely with an elastic band round my wrist?

Lots of people have hairbands and rubber bracelets around their wrist all the time.

Don't write off the idea of visiting a GP or counsellor. You could have an underlying condition you are not aware of. It sounds as though you respond badly to stress, and it would be good to address this. You really don't want to get to a point where you find it hard to control yourself, especially if you have children.

I'm definitely not up for seeing a GP or counsellor but thanks.

May I ask why seeing a doctor is off limits?

Honestly you can't seriously think that having an elastic band on your wrist at all times will be worse than you slapping yourself in the face?!

Please be open to seeing your gp and getting cbt.

Yes but Felicia as i said it's not something I do loads. Anyway I'm not seeing my GP I hate doctors.

DS1 used to punch his own face when he got overly stressed. He has Aspergers' & it was part of his coping strategy.

He's 19 now and, thankfully, doesn't need to do it any more. He now has a ring, the middle bit of which spins round, and he stands and spins that a certain amount of times instead.

I agree with your DH though - it's an awful thing to watch.