About partners on the ward after childbirth?

[hullabaloo234]

Booked in for ELCS for breech baby.

Just going through this week's post and find a letter from the hospital about what to do/not do prior to the op, what time to arrive etc.

At the back is a letter for my "support person", with a list of do's and don'ts for their stay on the ward with me after my section.

Sorry, WTF?! I love DP dearly but not a chance do I want him or more importantly a load of other blokes on the ward.

I was already going to discharge myself the following morning but was realistic about staying a bit longer if needed- bollocks to that I am definitely leaving as soon as my catheter is out and I can walk again!

Am I the only person who thinks this is really bloody unreasonable?!

cherrychasing I hope the presence of my husband will not offend others if he is in a private room. There are men in birthing rooms overnight if their wives are in labour. I just know that ive been under specialists to ensure my mental health is at its best for the birth which it is at the moment (who knows I may be perfectly fine) but unfortunately if I became ill a midwife who didn't know me would not be able to spot the early signs so my husband needs to be there to keep an eye on me so he can ring my consultant if necessary. Im not saying that every woman may need their husband there so a blanket rule they can stay may be wrong but I do know that I have to do absolutely everything in my Power to prevent myself from getting ill so I can care for my baby so for me personally I am absolutely grateful they have allowed my husband to help me.

rinceoir the way you were neglected is appalling and I hope the staff concerned were severely dealt with as a result. It's a totally unacceptable level of treatment. Are you saying that your treatment is likely the norm everywhere, and so the only or the best solution is to allow all partners to stay in all circumstances?

I know statistics are not the answer to anxiety but are there any statistics for actual incidents caused by partners staying or being on ward as opposed to fear of incidents?

Speak I really hope that the treatment I got is not standard as if it is I may never have another child! But I can understand why people feel the need to have someone stay if they end up in the type of situation that I did.

I actually think that hospitals do need two separate post natal wards- 1 as a post operative ward, staffed by a mix of surgical nurses and midwives, and the other a standard post natal ward. After one of my patients has surgery they are given regular pain relief, meals brought to them and basic care attended to. After major abdominal surgery women are left alone, with no pain relief and on top of that given a tiny vulnerable newborn to look after with minimal help. And expected to walk down to the kitchen 3 times a day to pick up their meals.

rinceior that sounds terrifying my sister had no one with her after her c section and said overnight was horrendous as she still couldn't feel her legs properly and buzzers weren't answered she almost collapsed In The bathroom. I'll be glad to get this Thursday over with and get home with my baby!!

People keep mentioning that you have curtains for privacy. Don't know if it was just me, but the midwives and hcps were so busy they kept opening them without warning and leaving them open when they left. On more than one occasion the woman on the bed opposite me was greeted by the sight of my bare breasts. Thankfully we had a sense of humour and laughed about it but I would have been mortified if there were any male visitors about to witness it

I've always paid for a private room because of this. is there a possibility you could do this? I'm a very private person and don't even like having non family visitors in hospital. I feel vulnerable as it is so a private room is a good option.

I went home about 20 hours after an EMCS. I couldnt wait to go home as the post natal ward was AWFUL . I got no care at all, couldn't even get enough water to drink and not nearly enough to eat .

I set up a barricade of flowers. I'd been given a few bunches so we put them on the cross- bed table thing. It was because the guy sitting opposite me was there all the time and stared at my haphazard first-time mum breastfeeding attempts.

Mammylamb MWs prefer the curtains to be open as it enables them to do a quick scan of a room to check all ladies are ok. It also allows ALL ladies and babies to get some natural daylight - vital for newborns who may be at risk of jaundice.

Someone up thread seems to think their right to privacy is more important than a sick babies right to daylight and VitD.

The bottom line is we need more staff on wards 24hours per day. If you ask mums who gave birth in the 60's and 70's babies were taken to a nursery room at night to give all mums a chance to rest and sleep. I'm not 100% convinced that is best but it certainly solves the issue of 4 babies all waking crying at different times keeping 4 mums awake. Frustrating as hell when yours is quiet and your kept awake with someone else's baby.

I can't think of any other adult ward where it is normal for visitors to even have 12 hours visiting never mind 24 hours. Maybe we should turn the clocks back and stop morning visiting too this would enable some man free time with daylight for all, it would also enable Drs to do their rounds and speak to ladies without men being their. Some women maybe don't even feel that comfortable discussing their own private parts in front of their own partners. It would make the wards quieter, esp for those who have been awake half the night or given birth during the night.

Mammy I agree. The staff were always opening the curtains. It was a bit like in school when the teacher used to say 'the bell isn't for you, it's for me'. We weren't allowed to pull the curtains for privacy, the staff said the curtains were there for them to use, not the patients. It's ten years since I was on that particularly bad post natal ward and I still feel anxious at the thought of it. Utter misery, I've never felt so scared as I did there.

So long story short I think you're BU and can fuck off if you think you have the right to demand I have to be vulnerable and suffer because the sight of my husband helping care for me and our baby might offend you. If staffing levels weren't so low then it'd be a different story - but they're not and with a c-section I - at least - desperately needed the support.

If anyone is to fuck off, it is those of you whose insistence that you require your husbands and nobody else is throwing women under a bus who don't have a partner willing and able to keep them safe while staying on the wards. Because that is exactly what you're doing and you need to be in no doubt about that.

You stated correctly that the NHS aren't plugging the gaps wrt care. This also means that they're not plugging the gaps wrt sufficient beds for your proposal about choice to be a possibility. So in the meantime, what do you do? Given the ongoing reality of shit postnatal care, what are your plans for women who aren't able to provide a male partner to fill in those gaps, and to advocate for them to staff in the face of stretched resources? Please don't tell me you think they'll get more attention from the midwives if everyone else has a partner there...

I will always fight for women who feel vulnerable and want a space away from men, whatever the setting.

How are you fighting for that, exactly, by wanting them forced to share their space with strange men after birth?

What is your solution?

For me it isn't that I find men a risk as such. I would not be afraid they were going to hurt me. I just don't want to walk to the toilet while I'm leaking blood (yes it happens to me after birth regularly) in front of a man. I don't want to have to worry that I am sufficiently covered up because men are around and I don't want them to hear anything about my care while I'm behind a curtain talking to staff. I don't want them to get a glimpse of my bare breasts when I'm breast feeding with my gown off when the midwife open my curtains to walk in. It does happen, even if it shouldn't.

With women there is no choice. At least they are patients and are in the same boat. I do not want random men who aren't patients in the ward.

People should stop being so selfish about their want for their partners to be by their side after birth. Of course I would hypothetically love to have my husband there but I'm not selfish enough to think that my wants trump other women's.

The answer to poor care isn't to get men to stay over. Women's needs aren't being met well at all when it comes to maternity care. Throwing them under the bus again and making them share what should be a safe space with men is disgusting.

Not all hospitals have private rooms that you can pay for, or enough to meet demand for them, and that solution combined with 24/7 visiting for partners means that those without the means to pay cannot have privacy/safety.

I've always paid for a private room because of this. is there a possibility you could do this? I'm a very private person and don't even like having non family visitors in hospital. I feel vulnerable as it is so a private room is a good option.

Some people can't afford it, some hospitals don't have enough to go round and anyway, why on earth should anyone have to pay to have privacy when you've just given birth? In most developed countries it's a matter of course that you have a private room for such intimate care.

If partners are allowed funding will NEVER be increased.

I don't know if you know this, but men generally don't sit with their fresh-out-of-labour wives/partners/girlfriends and their newborn babies to stare at your leaky boobs or bleeding vaginas.

They also have curtains. YABU, the father has every right to be there it's entirely your problem if you are uncomfortable with it.

After reading this, i checked my local hospital policy. 24 hour visiting for support people ie fathers of babies. If that's the case there's no way I'm not having dh there. I'll be perpetuating the problem but if everyone else has their husbands there then I'm not going to be alone, ignored and vulnerable with twins after what is likely to be either a complicated birth or a section if post natal care is as bad as everyone says. Like a poster above at least now im more anxious about post natal care than i was about birth.

Maybe mumsnet should do a campaign for better post natal care on wards so the gaps wouldn't have to be plugged by husbands and partners.

They also have curtains. YABU, the father has every right to be there it's entirely your problem if you are uncomfortable with it

Are you SERIOUSLY putting a man's right to be there ahead of a recovering mother's right to privacy? SERIOUSLY??????

But no men do NOT have "every right" to stay overnight on a post natal ward. Not every hospital allows it. The only rights in this case are that of the patients ie the mother and babies.

Nice.

Yes, seriously.

Why the fuck not? My DP isn't some kind of fucking pervy creep?!
He was there to help with DC, I know some of my friends who would have been in dire straits had their DP's not been there to help out with the newborn care when they were getting stitched up/sewn back together.

There's no way I'd tell my DP he couldn't be there to witness the birth of his own daughter because there might be a woman on the ward uncomfortable with male presence. How fucking ridiculous.

Assuming there is no complications, there's every chance the op can be discharged 24 hours after her ELCS. Lots of women are if they want to!

'There's no way I'd tell my DP he couldn't be there to witness the birth' we're not talking about men being present for the birth of the child on this thread. It's overnight on the postnatal ward after the baby is here.

I don't know if you know this, but men generally don't sit with their fresh-out-of-labour wives/partners/girlfriends and their newborn babies to stare at your leaky boobs or bleeding vaginas.

Out of interest, have you read any of the posts in this thread about men who did just that? Could you enlighten us with your views on said posts?

Also, some of you seem confused. Nobody has the right to be on any hospital ward unless they're a staff member working there or a patient. Dads are neither.

After reading this, i checked my local hospital policy. 24 hour visiting for support people ie fathers of babies. If that's the case there's no way I'm not having dh there. I'll be perpetuating the problem but if everyone else has their husbands there then I'm not going to be alone, ignored and vulnerable with twins after what is likely to be either a complicated birth or a section if post natal care is as bad as everyone says.

Aaaand this is exactly what it comes down to. If some women are going to have their partners there, all the rest of us who have available partners are going to feel the need for it to. I'm opposed and fortunately my local hospital doesn't allow dads on the wards 24/7, but if they did, just like you I'd have to have my DH there both to keep me safe and to provide the advocacy for me that other patient are getting. Thus leaving women who don't have that at a disadvantage.