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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want a big group of female friends?

61 replies

ShowMePotatoSalad · 26/11/2016 15:18

I absolutely love the company of other women and I have female friends who I am close to...but I don't have a big group who are all friends together. So while I have nice lunches and drinks out etc, it's only ever with 1 or 2 friends each time.

I just want a great big screeching group of women. Is that too much to ask?

OP posts:
Original poster
ShowMePotatoSalad · 26/11/2016 15:20

To be fair it doesn't have to just be female...that's a bit sexist of me. Just a great big group of mates.

OP posts:
SukeyTakeItOffAgain · 26/11/2016 15:20

"Is it too much to ask?"

Um.... Confused

haveacupoftea · 26/11/2016 15:23

Are you planning a hen party or something? I have 3 good friend, the group of 4 with the occasional husband or 2 is as big as it gets. We don't do any screeching or anything though Confused

MouldyPeach · 26/11/2016 15:23

I think there comes a certain age/time of life where it's just not possible. It's hard enough to get one mate to do something these days let alone all of them at the same time. But I'm mid 30s with three kids and all our friends are similar.

lovelilies · 26/11/2016 15:23

Can't you introduce them all?

cerealnamechangers · 26/11/2016 15:25

There is a hell of a lot of politics that goes on with big groups of friends, it's not all what it seems, be careful what you wish for! It can also be a disadvantage as if you fall out or don't get along with one person it makes group dynamics very awkward, I prefer a few friends who I have met in a variety.of places and ways.

Original poster
ShowMePotatoSalad · 26/11/2016 15:27

haveacupoftea no, no hen party. I think part of it is that since having DS I haven't had a big night out. In fact haven't had a big night out in about 4 years. Confused I just wondered if there were people who have a huge group of friends who all go out together.

lovelilies have tried introducing them all but they didn't click really.

OP posts:
Sirzy · 26/11/2016 15:28

Quality not quantity is important when it comes to friends I think!

I only have a couple of close friends (and the closest is male) but they are actual friends and not just there to make up numbers!

Original poster
ShowMePotatoSalad · 26/11/2016 15:29

Sirzy oh i totally agree with that. I don't mean friends for friends sake...but a friendship group where you could all do things together.

Maybe I just need to make a bit more effort to organise things.

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NavyandWhite · 26/11/2016 15:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sirzy · 26/11/2016 15:33

I guess though then it becomes hard to do things everyone enjoys.

4 of us are going out tonight to watch a local band. we could have invited others but it's not their "thing"

Sometimes it's easier to make sure people are actually happy with plans in a smaller group rather than a large group where people go along just to be in the group.

You would have thought by adulthood all this friendship stuff would be easier wouldn't you!

Original poster
ShowMePotatoSalad · 26/11/2016 15:33

Don't stand on ceremony will you NavyandWhite Wink

OP posts:
haveacupoftea · 26/11/2016 15:34

potatosalad i wouldnt worry about it then, hardly anyone 30+, or even under 30 with kids, has a huge group of mates to have blow outs with.

PosiePootlePerkins · 26/11/2016 15:35

Can only second what Pps have said. No big groups here. Close friends who I have a giggle with and who would be there for me in a shot if I needed them, and vice versa.
DH on the other hand has no friends, but that's another thread.

chickenowner · 26/11/2016 15:36

I have a huge group of friends, I met most of them at my local meetup group.

www.meetup.com Smile

chickenowner · 26/11/2016 15:37

...and I'm going out for dinner this evening with 11 of them!

Original poster
ShowMePotatoSalad · 26/11/2016 15:38

I sound a bit ungrateful don't I? I'm really lucky to have the friendships that I do have and I promise I do value them.

Posie my DH has mates but never ever sees them. Last time he saw one of his mates was probably 18 months ago or so. They have a whatsapp group (about 12 of them) and they keep in touch that way as they're dotted all over the country.

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Titsywoo · 26/11/2016 15:39

I have a big group of female friends but although we try to meet up a lot it is tricky and it always feels like you have to invite everyone to everything to save hurt feelings. Several smaller groups of friends is better.

PenguinsandPebbles · 26/11/2016 15:46

Both of my SIL (brothers wife and DP sister) have big groups of friends, they pity me I think because I don't.

The arguments, the dramas it never seems to end there is always some tale of this and that - I find hearing about it exhausting enough, I can't actually see that any of them like each other half the time, I'm sure they do Grin

I cannot be arsed with any of that, much rather have one or two close friends

Branleuse · 26/11/2016 15:49

I think youve got a romantic idea of what it would be like, but its not the sort of thing you can orchestrate. Some people have friendship groups like that from school, but surely most people just have friends?

I think it is too much to ask

jelliebelly · 26/11/2016 15:50

Frankly I could think of nothing worse!

pinkdelight · 26/11/2016 15:50

'have tried introducing them all but they didn't click really."

that's what usually happens. big groups don't tend to all get on. unless you're all from the same school/uni or work or club or family, the chances are there won't be enough in common to make a big group work. i've sometimes contemplated getting all my mates together but it'd only be stressful for me, trying to make sure everyone has a good time. I much prefer a smaller group where you can have a proper conversation. Three or four at once is plenty.

Original poster
ShowMePotatoSalad · 26/11/2016 15:50

Branleuse you are exactly right - I have this idea in my head of fun fun fun with a big group of girls but as PPs have said that is not very likely/there would be arguments etc

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Original poster
ShowMePotatoSalad · 26/11/2016 15:54

If big groups don't tend to get on are those meetup.com things usually good or disastrous?!

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KERALA1 · 26/11/2016 15:55

I have this via dc primary school. We are a fluid group of about 15. It's brilliant. So many interesting fun women. No arguments - why would you argue with friends?