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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want a big group of female friends?

61 replies

ShowMePotatoSalad · 26/11/2016 15:18

I absolutely love the company of other women and I have female friends who I am close to...but I don't have a big group who are all friends together. So while I have nice lunches and drinks out etc, it's only ever with 1 or 2 friends each time.

I just want a great big screeching group of women. Is that too much to ask?

OP posts:

BackforGood · 26/11/2016 15:59

I agree with others - I think it's a bit of a romanticised notion. Generally, when you go out with more than 4 people, (say your work's Christmas do) it's a bit frustrating, because you actually only get to chat to those sitting nearest to you - you don't usually get to "be with" more than that.
In other friendship groups, it becomes impossible to find a night you can all make, so this "going out" keeps getting pushed back as you get worried X or Y will be upset if you go out without them.
The best thing is to have lots of smaller friendship groups - as you do - and then make sure you host parties for any and every occasion, inviting all your different groups, and, hey presto, you've got your big crowd.

Roussette · 26/11/2016 16:01

It sounds like my idea of hell! Bitching about each other, never being able to please everybody etc and as for going out in a crowd.... urghhhhh...

Give me a couple of close friends any day - quality time together and having each others' backs.

chickenowner · 26/11/2016 16:03

What generally seems to happen with meetup is that people join, make friends with some of the other members, and then see them outside of meetups.

The people I'm going out with tonight are all friends from a meetup group, but the meal out was arranged through facebook, just inviting those we all get along with. I still go to meetup events, and even host some, and every so often I will make a new friend.

Of course there are always going to be some people that you don't get along with, and some meetup events are better then others. But it has worked for me. Looking at my facebook friends, at least 50 of them are people I have met via meetup, and I even met my partner at a meetup!

KERALA1 · 26/11/2016 16:09

Weird to assume "arguments" and "drama" because you have a large group of friends. Not experienced that at all.

Similar to the assumption that rich people are secretly unhappy or those who have expensive weddings will split up. Sour grapes.

TentUpFirstBunkUpLater · 26/11/2016 16:19

My idea of hell.

Sparlklesilverglitter · 26/11/2016 16:23

What is your issue with just going out with 1-2 friends? That is my idea of heaven-just how I like it

There is nothing worse than being in a large group of people and a few on them clearly not liking each other.

I blame films for making it look like from a young age women have huge groups of friends and all go out together and get along and spend th night all happy and smiling. In my experience the reality is very different!

Xmasbaby11 · 26/11/2016 16:23

I can understand what you mean. I have lots of friends but generally in groups of 1 or 2. I have one group of friends from nct and there are 7 of us. I love the idea of it but a - we very rarely can all get together, and b - I don't consider them all close friends, maybe just 2 of them.

I agree the idea is lovely but the reality is different!

SapphireStrange · 26/11/2016 16:27

I get you, OP, and I'm not sure why you're getting snitty comments about using the word 'screeching' and bitching.

I have a group of friends (not all female, granted) who all get on, howl with laughter together, talk about the most serious and the most trivial things, and all have each other's backs.

I've never –not since the horrors of school, anyway – experienced the thing of not many people in a group really getting on, I have to say. I feel very lucky!

GloriaGaynor · 26/11/2016 16:27

Don't you have friends through your son? Getting together with other parents...

Ragwort · 26/11/2016 16:27

I think it sounds more fun than it probably is - I have lots of friends, but very few of them are friends with each other IYSWIM. I can't imagine going out with a large group of people and everyone getting on well and really enjoying themselves - can't even do that with my own family and even DH and I don't really have any 'couple' friends that we both like.

GloriaGaynor · 26/11/2016 16:33

Me neither SapphireStrange*

I have groups of friends from different areas of my life and they all get on very well, and the different groups get on well with the other groups.

I don't recognise 'screeching', 'bitchy', 'clearly not liking each other'.

Lorelei76 · 26/11/2016 16:37

the thing about the large group getting together is you have less time to talk to people and miss people out entirely in terms of chatting.

So I have a big group who tend to gather a few times a year but for normal socialising I actually prefer 1-1 tbh! Groups are usually birthdays and that sort of thing.

toomuchtooold · 26/11/2016 16:37

IDK if it's too much to ask but I would like a friendship group like that too. DH and I were postgrads together and it was great always having a big group to go out dancing. We're all scattered around the world now and we all have small kids so it's never going to happen, sadly.

Original poster

ShowMePotatoSalad · 26/11/2016 16:40

Sparlklesilverglitter

I have no problem with it whatsoever. I love my friends and love seeing them on a one-to-one basis or just a couple of us.

I think I'm just feeling wistful about the "old days" of going out as a big group and having big parties etc. Just wondered if others felt that way or if they have big groups to go out with

OP posts:

Ohyesiam · 26/11/2016 16:42

I think you can have a big group of acquaintances , or mated, but not a big group of friends. By defention friends are going to be people who you really can be your totally relaxed self with, warts n all, who you have brilliant communication with, and who knows you really well. And that's not going to apply to many people.

shaggedthruahedgebackwards · 26/11/2016 16:42

What is your definition of a 'big group'?

I am part of several friendships groups with other women. The biggest is 6 so not huge but we do have a brilliant time when we get together (only once or twice year sadly)

One of my friends has a huge group (at least 12) of mates who have all been friends since they were at school together. When I see the FB pics if them when they all get together it does look like a lot of fun so YANBU

Roussette · 26/11/2016 16:43

Mind you.... I never went out in a pack big group. It's just not me, can't think of anything worse, but everyone to their own!

Ohyesiam · 26/11/2016 16:46

Mates, not mated

TentUpFirstBunkUpLater · 26/11/2016 16:46

Life is not a fucking Boots' advert - or a rollerblading sanitary towel song.

Original poster

ShowMePotatoSalad · 26/11/2016 16:47

Rollerblading sanitary towel song....sounds like a dream you might have after eating a load of cheese.

OP posts:

Lorelei76 · 26/11/2016 16:48

OP "I think I'm just feeling wistful about the "old days" of going out as a big group and having big parties etc"

time to throw a party

Bambamrubblesmum · 26/11/2016 16:50

I'm part of a big group. We call it the tribe I love it when we go away for weekends. We are big, noisy and gregarious. Sadly we don't meet up with each other as much as we'd like but we make the effort and it's worked for over a decade.

There's no bitchiness or back stabbing. If we have an issue we talk about it and move on. There doesn't have to be drama.

Not for everyone but definitely my cup of tea

Original poster

ShowMePotatoSalad · 26/11/2016 16:51

Bambam you have described my dream scenario (particularly the 'big, noisy and gregarious' bit)

OP posts:

GloriaGaynor · 26/11/2016 16:53

How old's your son? Can you not build up couple friends through school?

GloriaGaynor · 26/11/2016 16:54

It's not big group or chatting intimately, you can do both.

You can have fun as a group and then talk one on one individually.

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