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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to be v annoyed by woman who started going on about how she would never let her grandchildren wear secondhand clothes?

92 replies

KathyMCMLXXII · 15/02/2007 12:13

Grr.
Stupid woman in the doctor's waiting room yesterday.... she started off by telling me she was expecting her first grandchild and was very nervous about it (I was there with 2 mo ds, whom she said you could tell was a boy - wtf?). Then started going on about 'Someone gave me a bag of baby clothes the other day. I'm not being funny, but my husband's done very well in life and there's no way anyone in my family's going to wear second hand clothes.'
Needless to say ds was dressed entirely in stuff borrowed from my brother (who has 3 boys) and looked very nice in it too....

I'm not suggesting her comments were in any way aimed at me and ds, but it just seemed like such a stupid attitude.

(And I know that traditionally there's been more of a stigma about secondhand stuff among some working class people than middle class, but surely we've moved on from that? And when it comes down to it, it's still snobbery, isn't it?)

OP posts:
hana · 15/02/2007 12:14

well it is a stupid attitude but it's her attitude.
did you say anything to her?
more money than sense maybe

compo · 15/02/2007 12:15

yes, I would have been annoyed too but wouldn't have said anything

Tortington · 15/02/2007 12:16

i think people who wee at one time very poor in their life have this attitude same attitude re: charity shops.

MrsBadger · 15/02/2007 12:16

meh - it's her issue and if she's uptight and insecure enough to care then she's welcome to the stress and unnecessary spending.
Feel smug in the knowledge that you (and probably her daughter as well) know better.

Bet her daughter / DIL will be posting on ehre soon enough - 'my MIL is a mad old bat who thinks only poor people wear second hand clothes ...'

Original poster
KathyMCMLXXII · 15/02/2007 12:16

I was starting to say 'Well actually...' but got called to pick up my drugs so I didn't get a chance.

OP posts:
FioFio · 15/02/2007 12:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

hana · 15/02/2007 12:17

there was a thread a while back about rich folk taking great delight in bargins at primark tescos etc etc

were they seagulls or something like that? was v funny thread at the time

colditz · 15/02/2007 12:18

well, i tend to think "thank god for charity shops, or i would never get out for a pint!"

Jessajam · 15/02/2007 12:19

No, it is a silly attitude.

Conspicuous consumption?

"Look, I can afford this"
Perhaps originating from refusal to do anything that could be percieved as meaning "Look, I can't afford anything but this"

Nowt wrong with secondhand clothes/hand me downs etc.

Original poster
KathyMCMLXXII · 15/02/2007 12:19

LOL, MrsBadger.
I wonder if my grandma would have been the same (cf Custy's comment on people who have been v poor) - she used to object to my uncles wearing jeans in case people thought they were poor.

OP posts:
tissy · 15/02/2007 12:19

I agree. When dd had quickly outgrown most of her first size clothes, I put them in a bundle, and took them round to the health visitor. I thought they could be given to someone who had need of them; they were in really good condition some things hardly worn at all.

The HV looked horrified and I was told in no uncertain terms that no-one would want my cast-offs .

This is largely an underprivileged area, and I suspect that in a nice middle class area, they would have been snapped up!

I have noticed that it seems to be the poorest people who have the biggest prams with matching nappy bags and loads of frilly blankets, babies dripping with gold bangles.When I was a baby I didn't have a coat, and Mum took me out in our (5th hand) pushchair wrapped in so many blankets that I could hardly be seen!

colditz · 15/02/2007 12:22

More affluent people don't feel the urge to prove that they are doing just fine ... they know they are.

misdee · 15/02/2007 12:23

i dont mind second hand clothes, i'd say about 50% of my kids clothes are second hand/hand me downs/charity shop finds. its just recycling

schneebly · 15/02/2007 12:24

I would have just thought 'her loss' We have barely bought a stitch of new clothing for our DSs apart from underwear and shoes! We have been given loads and I always have a look in the charoty shop when I am in town!

CurlyN · 15/02/2007 12:25

I'd like to think at some point this woman will get real, and realise the price of childrens clothes, and welcome with open arms the black bag of designer hand me downs, that have never been worn, unwanted gifts etc.

Dinosaur · 15/02/2007 12:25

The local second-hand shop near us (not a charity shop - the people who bring in the stuff get a cut of the proceeds) is patronised equally by people I would call middle-class and people I would call working-class.

Original poster
KathyMCMLXXII · 15/02/2007 12:25

Yes, it's amazing how little some stuff gets worn, some of it not at all (things that were bought the wrong size by well-meaning relatives, things that turned out to be wrong for the weather) - I bet the stuff she was given included some like that....

OP posts:
CurlyN · 15/02/2007 12:26

and i hope her grandchild is a boy that loves to play in the garden! ha

eviletc · 15/02/2007 12:26

god how snobby.

but probably better to keep that thought to yourself than to express it to the woman in question!!

we were not rich when i was little and i mostly had handmedowns and charity shop stuff.
i am now very fortunate in that if i wanted to only buy new clothes for my children then i could (not boasting btw )

but it is better for the environment to "recycle" clothes if you can, not to mention so so so much cheaper.

dd's clothes are probably 90 % secondhand. and a fair wack of my stuff is as well.

oxfam is my favourite shop and i say that with all seriousness !

fireflyfairy2 · 15/02/2007 12:27

My mum never allowed us jam butties to school incase people thought we couldn't afford meat ["good" ham, as it were]

Original poster
KathyMCMLXXII · 15/02/2007 12:29

Interesting FFF2!

OP posts:
knittingfog · 15/02/2007 12:31

More affluent people are possibly more affluent because they don't look a gifthorse in the mouth as far as nice second hand clothes are concerned.

I put the money I would have spent on more new clothes in the dc's savings accounts instead.

IMHO, it's not snobbery it's stupidity.

LOL at someone's comment about older relations not liking jeans as they were for poor people. My lovely Grandpa (who always had his tweed jackets made to last longer by having leather/suede patches put on the elbows and a matching trim around the cuffs if they started fraying) thought the same and we were always dressed in something else if we went to visit him as mum & dad didn't want him to think they were struggling financially.

Dinosaur · 15/02/2007 12:31

fff2, my gran was a bit like that about lentils - the implication being if you used them a lot that you couldn't afford a fridge to keep "real" protein in!

CurlyN · 15/02/2007 12:31

jam butties were the norm here, oh and peanut butter with a banana, a treat.

MrsBadger · 15/02/2007 12:37

knittingfog - that trick works for Barbours too, should you ever need to know, also with fake fur on the cuffs and collars of girl's wool winter coats .

I think the jeans thing was/is an issue because they were originally work clothes that only got worn down mines / on building sites etc and if you could afford it you changed when you came home from work...