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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to be v annoyed by woman who started going on about how she would never let her grandchildren wear secondhand clothes?

92 replies

KathyMCMLXXII · 15/02/2007 12:13

Grr.
Stupid woman in the doctor's waiting room yesterday.... she started off by telling me she was expecting her first grandchild and was very nervous about it (I was there with 2 mo ds, whom she said you could tell was a boy - wtf?). Then started going on about 'Someone gave me a bag of baby clothes the other day. I'm not being funny, but my husband's done very well in life and there's no way anyone in my family's going to wear second hand clothes.'
Needless to say ds was dressed entirely in stuff borrowed from my brother (who has 3 boys) and looked very nice in it too....

I'm not suggesting her comments were in any way aimed at me and ds, but it just seemed like such a stupid attitude.

(And I know that traditionally there's been more of a stigma about secondhand stuff among some working class people than middle class, but surely we've moved on from that? And when it comes down to it, it's still snobbery, isn't it?)

OP posts:
mosschops30 · 15/02/2007 15:45

If a friend or relative gave me something really nice I 'might' use it but would definately not go to a charity shop.

ds has a hat given to him by a friend does that count

misdee · 15/02/2007 15:46

dd3 has a t-shirt which was dd1, then dd2, but has also been worn by my 3 neices. still looks good.

Original poster
KathyMCMLXXII · 15/02/2007 15:51

Oh yes Mosschops, as unlike you the mad waiting room woman would presumably have snatched the hat from him and said 'No grandchild of mine wears a secondhand hat!'

Actually come to think of it maybe that was part of why she wound me up so much: the fact that she seemed to be making a sweeping statement about her whole family and what they were allowed to wear.

OP posts:
stleger · 15/02/2007 15:53

My health visitor brought me a huge bag of clothes from a woman who wanted them to go to a 'needy' family. But none of the families who would have been needy would take them, so I made a donation to charity in return for them. They lasted through all 3 babies. My one regret was that the same lady hadn't had a wardrobe clearance of her own stuff....

ProfYaffle · 15/02/2007 15:55

We hardly bought anything for DD1 as we were given tons and tons of second hand clothes and baby equipment from relatives relieved to have cupboard space back. Have to admit I hate 'rummaging' for anything though so don't buy from NCT sales and don't buy clothes from car boot sales. brings back bad memories of 70s jumble sales with my Nan.

Original poster
KathyMCMLXXII · 15/02/2007 15:58

LOL StLeger - were they Tissy's? (12.19 post)

OP posts:
KTeePee · 15/02/2007 16:03

The only thing I have against hand-me-downs is that ds2 in particular gets given so much I can never justify going out and buying him new things!

I only know one proper posh person (not nouveau riche ) and she would bite your arm off at the thought of getting a freebie.... - as my dad used to say, rich people are rich because they don't spend much money!

tissy · 15/02/2007 16:14

nope, weren't mine HV wouldn't take them, maybe she was just too lazy to be arsed carting them about! IIRC mine ended up in the charity shop

OrmIrian · 15/02/2007 16:20

I like getting second-hand clothes and give them as well and don't really see why anyone would object in general. But I prefer not to get them all at once as I did when my sil decided to empty the contents of her loft because she had decided on no more kids and I was pregnant. Shortly before my neighbour who was emigrating did the same. I don't like being used as a dumping ground for other people's old clothes/baby things whether or not they are suitable or the right age for me or my kids. Ungrateful cow that I am.....

gingermonkey · 15/02/2007 16:22

I haven't read the whole thread but my nephew is exactly a year younger than my DS and SIL loves it when my DS gets something new because she knows it's coming to her once he's grown out of it! I just wish I had another nephew a year older it would save me a few quid!!! My MIL looks for clothes that both of us like so she knows both kids will benefit. It also means I am far more likely to look after DS's clothes so I can hand them down. SIL's sister is now trying for a baby and we have bags of stuff for when she (hopefully) has a boy so she can get the use out of them too. My neighbour has a son a couple of years older and she'll often bring bits round that he's grown out for DS to grow into. You are so right that the people with a bit more money are less likely to be offended by it, the more you save on kids clothes the more you have for yourself

fortyplus · 15/02/2007 16:35

Too right

fruitful · 15/02/2007 16:43

Well I hope that woman's daughter / DIL agrees, or someone is in for a hard time! That is what would have annoyed me. All very well to say "no child of mine". But "no grandchild of mine"? Err, what's it got to do with the grandma?

stleger · 15/02/2007 16:50

Brownie points to my health visitor, who was nice but daft!

shonaspurtle · 15/02/2007 16:51

I've benefitted loads from dn being 9 months older than ds - especially as sil's family are v well off so it's much nicer stuff than we could buy new!

We've had clothes, moses basket, baby bjorn sling, baby bath etc etc

I don't care if stuff is secondhand - it's new to me. Also, as we don't have a lot of room we can bung it all back to them when he outgrows stuff on the pretext of "you'll want it back for your next one"

DaisyMOO · 15/02/2007 17:08

I've got a friend whose dh won't let her put the children in anything secondhand (even hanmedowns from dd1 to dd2 ) but they are millionaires so I can kind of understand it. My cousin otoh who is seriously skint dresses her ds in all-new clothes and refused a bag of almost-new baby clothes from me, which I thought was a bit mad.

Mine wear almost entirely second hand clothes from friends and jumble sales because I figure that the less money I spend on their clothes now, the more money I'll have to spend on clothes when they're teenagers Mind you, we do have brilliant jumble round here - Next, Monsoon, Gap, M&S etc 20 per item

Original poster
KathyMCMLXXII · 15/02/2007 17:11

LOL at your millionaire friend, Daisy - I bet Duncan Bannatyne on 'Dragon's Den' hands down clothes between his 6 children!

OP posts:
wheresthevalium · 15/02/2007 17:19

God people like that woman in the doctors make me laugh.

Having gone from being relatively well off when I was married, to being so skint it's not funny, I still don't understand the snobby bit about 2ndhand clothes.

All DD1s clothes (except school uniform which her GP bought and undies/shoes) are either from ebay or friends. DD2 has about 10 items that were new to her, the rest are hand me downs from her sister/cousins/CM daughter etc etc.

Even when I had the money to go to Next (not even the sale ) I didn't. I love the idea of recycling, and it also saves money.

Anything that isn't completely trashed by my girls is passed on to friends with younger children.

handlemecarefully · 15/02/2007 17:22

I haven't the energy to be annoyed by such remarks. Would have found it vaguely amusing. Got to remember if she is expecting a grandchild then presumably she is old, and there in nowt so queer as (old) folk. Probably a couple of generations ago, second hand clothes was a real stigma

handlemecarefully · 15/02/2007 17:22

'were' a real stigma

handlemecarefully · 15/02/2007 17:29

And if I am really honest, whilst I graciously accept second hand clothes, and use the ones that I like, I do prefer to buy new for my lo's.

Not because I have anything against second hand clothes per se (why would I?), just that I prefer to buy them something which is my choice and appeals to my aesthetics.

I appreciate that this isn't very green - however I do ensure that the lo's clothes are suitably rehomed when done with

So shoot me!

pointydog · 15/02/2007 17:31

wouldn't have bothered me. Wouldn't have talked to her too much

nearlyfourbob · 15/02/2007 17:32

I'd have asked her to drop around the baby clothes to me.

Original poster
KathyMCMLXXII · 15/02/2007 17:33

nearlyfourbob

OP posts:
handlemecarefully · 15/02/2007 17:39

lol nearlyfourbob!

Bozza · 15/02/2007 19:49

hmc I find that I am just as likely to like the handmedowns as the new stuff bought by relatives. As in, some of it I like more than others. And being in a position where I can't just go out and blow whatever I like on clothes for the DCs it gives me the opportunity to be discerning with what I buy. I don't have to buy DD a practical coat for nursery because she has been given two, so I can buy her a nice coat for weekends, that kind of thing.

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