To not want to leave a tip ?

[cookieswirls]

Went for a meal tonight nothing fancy just pizza and my friend seemed mortified that I didn't leave a tip. I was paying for our meal and I generally don't leave tips. Ive never left a tip for anyone actually not taxi drivers, hairdressers, waiters is that mean of me ?

x-posted with Barbara

Not tipping is stingy - I will never change my view of that its too ingrained sorry

I am happy to leave tips for waiters/waitresses who have really made our meal a lovely experience - just taking an order, bringing my plate, clearing my plate; no.

The places that add a standard service charge do my head in - I just think it makes staff do whatever they want knowing there is a tip charged anyway.

I used to be a waitress and tips were a bonus not an expectation.

not quickly enough!

You're entitled to your view KERALA, everybody is but I posted to you earlier on this thread because you said that you "tipped but weren't happy about it".

I admire your doggedness to keep tipping under duress though that's not for me. I will tip when it's deserved and not otherwise, it's not a tip if it feels like extortion, it's become a tax.

When I do tip, it's because I'm thrilled - and it shows.

It does rather seem that fame is being unfairly picked on.

Not really. Some posters have managed to keep on point without repeatedly calling other posters 'scrooges' and 'stingy' and myriad other insults.

It's an interesting debate when it doesn't get personal.

Stingy is a description of behaviour.

This post is about perception of behaviour.

Barbara I agree it is convention though the reason why I tip generously in those restaurants I want to return to is in order to get better service. This generally works. If it doesn't, I don't go back for a third visit.

That doesn't explain why I automatically tip in restaurants where I'm unlikely to return or so infrequently that they won't remember me. I just do. The service has to be really bad for me to withhold a tip and explain why. I've only done that a couple of times.

If I was infirm and needed a personal service from a HCP I'd be inclined to tip them - if I was still fortunate enough in that position to be able to afford to tip. But I understand that they are not allowed to take it. And also they might feel that wiping my bum was part of their job and wouldn't want a tip because it insulted their professionalism. I'd probably get them a present at xmas and hope they would take it.

I was very angry with a colleague I was having lunch with once. We had waitress service. We both had light food, a glass of wine each and she had a pot of tea afterwards.

The waitress brought it and asked if my colleague wanted her to pour the tea. My colleague snapped: 'That's all right, love. I can do it.' She then said to me deliberately within the waitress's earshot: 'Just trying to get a tip.' I said she was just doing her job.

That was stupid and spiteful of my colleague. Offering to pour the first cup of tea was what waitresses in that place were expected by the manager to do. That was the first and only time we went out to lunch.

I sometimes tip. If the service has been above standard...merely taking an order and carrying plates with a smile is what the wages are for. When I waited I never really noticed who did tip and who didn't tbh.

Op: Ive never left a tip for anyone actually not taxi drivers, hairdressers, waiters is that mean of me ?

Fame: yes that is mean and stingy

Some others on thread who think they run MN because they use made up words like goady : you are being so personal!

The use of 'love' was especially offensive.

In the UK, the purpose of a tip is to reward a server for exceptional service. IMO therefore, the tip should be proportionate to what you consider to have been the level of service you received. meets expectations = no tip. Very friendly and helpful = a few quid. Obviously, the fancier the restaurant, the more the tip will be because you would receive a higher level of service.

If you are in the US, however, it is a supplement to their wages. So, I think of it as a reward + payment for time. I never use the percentage rule - more a time spent rule. If I have been an hour (and considering that I wont have been their only table for that hour), I will leave roughly $5 as that more than makes up for whatever their hourly wage is plus whatever their actual hourly wage is and the server will have received further supplemental tips from other tables(e.g. say the minimum wage is $12 ph - that $5 will almost give half that).
As above, however, exceptional or "fancy" service will warrant a higher tip.

Regardless, as someone who grew up in the US, 20% is NOT NORMAL, with the exception of cities like New York or LA. DO NOT feel pressured into giving tips of that size!

I wonder if I over-complicate matters??

I don't know who said love but I wasn't offended by it.

I have to laugh at all these posters, like Rhythmsticks and RaqsMax's dad earnestly assuring us that if we don't tip well the waiters will think very badly of us

I can't imagine how low my self-esteem would be for me to give a shiny shit what my waiter thought of me. And that's not because I think they are below me in any way - I don't really care what my dentist/optician/postman thinks about me either. Someone who spends a few minutes twice a year in my company has no idea who I am. That's not to say I am rude to anyone I interact with because I'm not, under any circumstances. I am always polite, and usually (when appropriate) friendly - but it's a very short, professional interaction. They're not my friends. I don't care if they judge me for any stupid reason, particularly something as arbitrary as how much I tipped them.

When I worked as a waitress perhaps I did judge people on how much they tipped me. But I also probably judged them as much, if not more,on what food they ordered, whether they were polite to me, how they spoke to each other/their children, their table manners, etc, etc. People judge others all the time, often subconsciously or involuntarily. It's human nature. What I didn't do, was a) let these judgements have any effect on the service I ordered or b) spare a moments thought on any of my customers once my shift had ended. Because I had better things to worry about.

sorry, should be: "service I offered", not ordered.

In the UK, the purpose of a tip is to reward a server for exceptional service...

That's your view CaliNative. If that's what you want to do, that's fine. It's not my view. I find it a bit odd that you are dispensing your tipping wisdom to the rest of us like we've never been in restaurants before

It's very rare for me not to leave a tip. That is not wrong either. It's what I want to do.

I see tipping as an opportunity to buy a special relationship with some people in places where I want to be treated very well. It works for me and for them.

I don't know who said love but I wasn't offended by it.

It was me Fame in my anecdote about my colleague. I found it a very offensive way to address someone as she wouldn't have dreamed of addressing me, an equal, or a superior as 'love'. You had to be there, I guess.

Of course, she might have patronised the waitress while bestowing a huge tip. That might have soothed the sting. She didn't though because she is a chippy tightwad.

Oh no, I read the post - that was hugely offensive to the server. I wouldn't have dined with the person in question again either.

I misunderstood - I thought you meant something someone had said in their own post. Nothing said on here offends me, but in real life sometimes things can smart a little bit more!

I tip waiters, hairdressers, beauticians but I stopped tipping taxi drivers when I realised a lot of them earn loads!

Fame it was terrible. Not everyone who doesn't want to tip behaves in that way but some people do.

I stumbled upon tipping for a good outcome by accident. About 30 years ago I was chaotic and used to call the cab firm with about 15 minutes to go on a Friday night because I couldn't work out when I'd be ready to book a cab. It was usually about 9pm - so not busy . I always got a cab and always the same driver, who it turned out through our chats was the dispatcher's boyfriend. I'd give him a £1 coin for a £4 fare.

Sometimes I used to go from my friend's flat and I could never understand why her local minicab firm was so rubbish compared to mine. We'd wait ages. Some nights we gave up and got a takeaway. Years later it dawned on me that it was because my cab firm knew I'd call at roughly 9pm at weekends and would always tip well and behave nicely that the dispatcher saved a car for me - her boyfriend's one. That's why I had no trouble getting cabs. I was always a bit slow on the uptake

I don't understand why more people don't understand the power of tips.

Of course, limitedperiodonly, is that not what posting on threads is about? Giving your opinion?

I never expected everyone to agree with me - and I certainly wasn't "dispensing tipping wisdom" from above or from some place of superiority - just explaining my approach and what I do. Just as you explained why you do what you do.

I also never intended to imply that what you do is wrong.

That's before mobiles. These days we'd swap numbers and he'd tell me to call at 3am. If he wasn't still driving, a trusted friend would be available to take me home within 20 minutes. That's invaluable. I want to get home and I want to do it safely. I'm a very nice person, but if there wasn't anything in it for him, why would he want to start that kind of relationship?

limitedperiodonly I think it is to do with the abundance mentality. Also understanding the difference between cost and worth. I do think successful people tip more (NOT ALWAYS, before I get flamed again), and those are essential traits of successful people.

You made a definitive statement on tipping CaliNative. It is subjective.