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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not want to leave a tip ?

621 replies

cookieswirls · 25/11/2016 22:38

Went for a meal tonight nothing fancy just pizza and my friend seemed mortified that I didn't leave a tip. I was paying for our meal and I generally don't leave tips. Ive never left a tip for anyone actually not taxi drivers, hairdressers, waiters is that mean of me ?

OP posts:
FameNameGameLame · 28/11/2016 11:30

There's another expression about kettles. Not empty kettles this time, but I something about pot - kettle - black. Hmm

FameNameGameLame · 28/11/2016 11:31

HTH

NeedsAsockamnesty · 28/11/2016 11:48

A poster upthread states that because I don't often tip the staff will remember me and will have a poor opinion of me.

The place I eat at most frequently and rarely tip at unless it's December or I know it's one of the staffs birthday week, not only dosnt have a poor opinion of me they actively encourage my frequent visits and about 50% of the time when I'm eating alone or with just one or two of the kids they don't even bother charging me for the food.
I get text messages enquiring as to my well being when they haven't seen me for awhile.
Amd they make a huge fuss of me when I am in there.
I tried to tip a few times because the long stamding staff IMO are lovely but they wouldn't take it.

Granted there is a personal reason why I often have my food bill waived and every time they do it I put the equivalent into the owners charity pot (he collects for women's aid).

NeedsAsockamnesty · 28/11/2016 11:59

Fame, I'm not sure you being called goady is anything to do with you not having the 'MN tone' what ever that is.

I'm thinking it's more than likely more to do with you almost continuous use of words like stingy combined with referring to lack of tipping as not having manners, but that's just a guess really.

Oh and we have a decent local restaurant that has ace staff retention at least two of the wait staff I can think of off the top of my head have been there over 20 years and the lad who started 8 years ago is still new hold there staff because they have very good working conditions and they are paid above minimum wage

NavyandWhite · 28/11/2016 12:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Liiinoo · 28/11/2016 12:07

I always tip 10-15% to waiters/taxis unless service was bad. A bit less to take away delivery/hairdressers. I always tip in cash. For some unknown reason I don't tip in the nail bar or beauty salons but I do give the nail techs a card with £20 in at Christmas. My cleaner gets an extra weeks money at Christmas.

I do very much judge people who don't tip waiting staff, it seems stingy to me.

joanofgraceland · 28/11/2016 12:09

I never leave a tip. Like you, I have paid for the meal, they are getting paid and in my life I have been very hard-up previously and count every penny. I have previously done waiting on jobs when I was at college and never expected a tip; it was nice when I got one, but every person received the same polite, courteous service and I did not think, 'Oh they look like they will leave me a tip, I will be extra nice to them.' YANBU

user1471545174 · 28/11/2016 12:21

I always tip generously for good service and basically for basic service. Very occasionally I don't tip, if service is really lousy.

Observing over the years, all the non-tippers I know are declared socialists, who believe the worker's employer "should" be paying enough.

FameNameGameLame · 28/11/2016 12:22

www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=goady

www.dictionary.com/browse/stingy

This keeps coming back up. Hmm I am not being goady but by not leaving a tip you are being stingy.

Just because you don't like what someone says doesn't mean you can label them incorrectly.

Not tipping is stingy. I'm not saying you're not allowed to exercise your right to withhold a tip but in doing so you are being stingy.

MagicDucky · 28/11/2016 12:23

I worked in retail for a long time, I got minimum wage. Not once did anyone tip me. ( I did get a box of chocolates from a customer who was extremely happy I sourced something from another store when a delivery driver broke the first one she bought) but I won't tip everyone at minimum wage so therefore I don't tip anyone. Unless I get exceptional service, if someone goes above and beyond to help me then I will tip.

NavyandWhite · 28/11/2016 12:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FameNameGameLame · 28/11/2016 12:36

I can except that I have got my teeth sunk into this topic, like multiple other posters.

I can't except unfair labels that are used to try and silence someone and make them feel belittled so as they go away.

WellTidy · 28/11/2016 12:37

My parents always, always tipped when I was growing up. Hairdressers, taxi driver, bar staff, waiting staff, chambermaids in hotels. I thought it was the done thing in the 80s and 90s (we lived in a smallish Welsh town).

Then when I started working during university holidays etc, and I worked in places where my parents had often taken me as a kid, I realized that my parents' attitudes were the exception. I've worked in pubs behind the bar, pubs with nice restaurants, as kitchen staff, supermarket work, café work and also as a hotel chambermaid (cleaning rooms).

I was tipped once in three months as a daily hotel chambermaid (cleaned 15-20 rooms), and that was 50p (this was 1996) and it coincided with a guest having left the loo in a truly horrendous state. I felt cheapened by his 50p tip when he left, it really upset me.

When I was working behind the bar, I think I was bought a drink three times over months and months of shifts.

When I worked as a waitress in a pub, I'd guess at about one in ten people tipped, and then it was a maximum of 10% of the bill, often less.

I always tip, by the way, at least 10%. Though I do agree that there are many, many jobs where workers are on low wages and tipping isn't the norm. Although I understand that these roles eg caring aren't ones that traditionally attract tips, if I were to use these services, I would find a way of giving a tip, I'd hope (eg a generous Christmas/Easter/birthday gift).

FameNameGameLame · 28/11/2016 12:38

By definition they are being stingy - if they were clever they would own it and reframe being stingy as a positive thing. Instead of crying about an institution that works.

Littlemissamy · 28/11/2016 12:45

I can't afford to tip everyone I come across. I'm on minimum wage, despite being in a job that requires a fair bit of knowledge to do it successfully. When people start tipping me, I might be able to afford to start tipping other people.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 28/11/2016 12:50

Just because you don't like what someone says doesn't mean you can label them incorrectly
I don't really give two hoots about what your saying, you have entertained me that is all.

Not tipping is stingy. I'm not saying you're not allowed to exercise your right to withhold a tip but in doing so you are being stingy

I'm pretty sure stingy would be not wishing to pay for the service you have recieved as opposed to not paying more for the service you have recieved.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 28/11/2016 12:53

I can't except unfair labels that are used to try and silence someone and make them feel belittled so as they go away

That's funny, next thread your on try not using belittling terms and not commenting on people's manners but say exactly the same thing (other than the snide digs) then watch how differently people respond to you

FameNameGameLame · 28/11/2016 12:55

I'm glad I've entertained you maybe you cracked a smile.

I'm not convinced though - stingy people are never much fun.

FameNameGameLame · 28/11/2016 12:56

Now now don't bite - that's the plan isn't it? Ignore anyone who disagrees. As you where.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 28/11/2016 13:06

Engagement is far more fun Fame I'm not bothered if anybody thinks I'm ill mannered because I mostly am.

But it's got far more to do with my general demeanour than my tipping habits.

I just so happen to have noticed that to many people it's about as upsetting as being called a rabid festering puss ridden cunt, I haven't worked out quite why yet but they just don't like it.

FameNameGameLame · 28/11/2016 13:10

I haven't worked out why either. They should work on that.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 28/11/2016 13:19

Meh some may say it's far easier to just not call people ill mannered.

Legend has it that it leads to far more interesting conversations

Sienna9522 · 28/11/2016 13:26

YANBU.

Why should a waiter/waitress be tipped? Like others have said, there are many, many others working hard for minimum wage. I work as a nurse in a mental health hospital and can't grumble at my salary but my colleagues - support workers, who work just as hard as me (14 hour shifts, unsociable hours, Christmas and bank holidays) in a hostile environment with very challenging patients work for minimum wage. Do they get tipped? No! They're more likely to get verbally or physically abused. In fact, as part of hospital policy, we have to decline gifts or such from families.

It's not about being 'stingy' it's about justifying why a waiter/waitress is more deserving of a tip than anyone else.

BarbaraofSeville · 28/11/2016 13:34

It's not about being 'stingy' it's about justifying why a waiter/waitress is more deserving of a tip than anyone else

^^This, and apart from 'it's convention' NO ONE has been able to come up with a sensible reason why waiters are tipped (and hairdressers) but many other people doing similar jobs, in similar conditions, that require similar skills and qualifications, for similar money are not. That's all I am asking for.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 28/11/2016 13:43

Sienna, I feel the same way. I will tip for exceptional service but this expectant 'hand out waiting' policy leaves me cold. Much of the service in this country isn't of anything other than a satisfactory standard - and that service is compensated by the employer.

I get paid a bonus every year. It's discretionary. It could be argued as 'convention' given that it's been that way since time immemorial BUT, if it's not paid - for whatever reason - there's no recourse and nor would my employer expect there to be.

This thread has been incredibly helpful for me because the rabid and unreasonable posts have just highlighted what a ridiculous system it is. I'll tip when I want to, thank you - and that's not for mediocre service.

As far as the calls of stinginess go, well I can take it. I pay a whack, every month to charities that really need that money - and I happily pay an appreciative sum for service that is exemplary. For the non-hospitality services who aren't able to accept 'tips', I have to be creative and am always able to do that.

I too don't see what a waiter/waitress does - over and above what they're actually paid to do - that anybody else actually wants or needs them to do?

It's been interesting! Grin

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