To be pissed he's not home yet

[Mehfruittea]

DH went out with work friends for their xmas meal today. His work usually have 4 different get togethers for team, dept, whole company etc. He finished at 2pm and had a meal booked. It's been planned for ages. But...

He went out on Wednesday night so I had to do everything by myself, get tea done, feed child bath and bed etc. Thursday I had to take DS to a birthday party that was 1 hr drive, then 2 hrs and 1 hr back. Today I had to take him to an after school club that involves another 1hour drive each way plus 1 hour while there. Then tomorrow we have a meal with friends that has been planned for a very long time, plus football and school fair. Argh! I'm disabled, suffer from chronic pain and am currently going through withdrawal from fentanyl (that's another thread). I'm so fucking tired. And I'm losing my job right now so been very stressed, not sleeping. Had an interview today which I had to travel for. My plate is fucking full.

So I spoke to DH at 5pm and told him I was feeling really unwell and struggling. Could he come home within next 2 hours? Yes, I'll call you in an hour, he said. So I hoped he'd be home by 7. I could finish bath time and hand over to DH to do the bedtime, which is a total fucking nightmare. It's now 9.15pm DS still awake. "What if my gloves don't fit me when I'm 10?" DH phone is off, no call since 5pm. AIBU? He doesn't actually go out that often, it's just this week has turned in to a shitstorm of clashes.

Go to physio this morning.

DH can either explain to DS why he can't go to football (he's too hungover to drive! NOT your physio) or he can ring around and find a lift for them both! Standing outside in the cold will help him be in better shape to be Santa later on.

Why didn't he have a key?

Sabine

It's always a naf calendar!

Sorry your dh was an arse.
Unless people suffer with pain they don't know what it's like.
I take my hat off too you, i don't know how you managed to do anything coming off meds

I think YABU, hes allowed out once in a while and not be dictated to by time etc..yes I know you are ill, however he takes care of you 98% of the time, he had one singular night out and you managed without him, he does not have a habit of doing this.

I think some people on here forget that the carers need a break also! They are not robots.

I hope he drags his sorry arse out of bed this morning op to help you so you can go physio

Hope you got some sleep op. mrsjamie have you read RTFT?
Op is a wheelchair uuser going through opiate withdrawal who will now miss her physio?
Her dh has spent £220 on one night out when op has just been made redundant AND he has promised to be Santa in a community event today and will be hungover to hell?

I agree that you must go to physio. It's your DP who has let your son down not you.
So sorry to hear about your job.
Carers do need a break but that's no excuse to be completely irresponsible. He had commitments for today and spending over £200 on a night out when money is tight is unreasonable.
Hope that you slept well OP.

Morning zebra thanks for your advice. I've been under pain clinic for a while and I think they decided they couldn't do any more unless I was willing to take stronger stuff. I think 75mcg (at the time) of fentanyl is quite strong enough combined with the rest of the crap I take each day. I need to work full time, I earn more than DH and we cannot get by on his wage alone. I need enough pain relief to allow me to work, but not so much that I can't function and fall asleep. Tricky balance that even my GP just shrugs at. I think they don't believe me when I say "I'm going to lose my job if we can't get this right". Now I need to be well enough for job interviews, school run and extended solo parenting time (which I love but find so very physically challenging).

He's up this morning with DS and I've made him look for cash. He's found £80, so that's something. I want to make him go to football by taxi. It's not far but the other side of a motorway junction, not walking distance for DS. But worry about no child seat. We have never used a taxi with him before. AIBU?

DH fully deserves to sit in grotto with loud music, screaming children and itchy suit for 4 hours. 3 of those hours will be precious child free hours of mine too

Hi, just wanted to check that you're OK this morning, and I hope that you made it to your appointment!

...and that your DP has a rotten headache

I think 'Being Santa' with a hangover is a very suitable punishment! Make sure he has mints so he does beer breath all over the kids!

Doesn't beer breath, that should say!

Morning meh... that's... frustrating about the pain clinic. Assuming they looked at all the adjuncts like gabapentin & pregabalin & the triptalynes etc? They don't work for me, sadly & as people with my disability need absurd amounts of analgesia (& anaesthesia) I'm on 140mg m/r oxycodone (+ occasional immediate release in varying doses) a day. At a weight that bobbles between around under 44 & ALMOST 47kg. (And I'm not super short either...). My constant over-production of adrenaline is all that keeps me awake pretty much! I'm "lucky" that I'm too ill to work, there is no question of trying to power through - but I have no dependents (barring the cats) so there is no need to try. (Acceptance took rather a long time. Ahem.)

Is there another pain clinic local to you? A friend of mine had a bad experience at the one at her nearest hospital & is doing much better at the one I'm seen at. I think a lot of pain specialists are so used to seeing people whose pain has totally overtaken them that they don't know how to help people who aren't asking them for the usual things or don't behave as expected. I am constantly under suspicion for not being in slough of despond because my life is such a pile of shite. 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

Taxi to football for your DS will be fine as a one-off. There are kids round here whose only experience of cars = INCREDIBLY rare taxi rides. Worry is understandable - but did you ever sit in a boot or a footwell or without a seatbelt? He will be a billion times safer than that. [NB Am not statistician & have not seen actual data, these figures may be slightly wonky...]

As for the Grotty Grotto, I hope the sound system is positioned right by it. Bwahahahaha!

Thanks everyone! Yes I got to physio, DS at football which is sooo really important to me. DS has suspected SPD and loves football but has hated the new team. He had to move up due to age group and now has to wear football socks and shin pads. We've managed to work round every other bit of his kit to accommodate the SPD but socks n shinnies is the last battle. He's actually wearing them today!!!! And he put a bib on too!! OMG IM SO PROUD. And stupidly grateful that DH got him there despite everything. Inconsistency can massive derail progress with his SPD so I would absolutely have cancelled my own physio to be there. Football was moved due to frosty pitch, so different location and time meant it all clashed.

But it's all good now and things are looking up! I'm still in a lot of pain from the exertion last night and have a thumping headache that I suspect is worse than DHs hangover. Unless he's still drunk and it kicks in at grotto opening time...

all round. Today will be a great day!

So glad that today is working out for you and your DS.

Playing Father Christmas with a hangover, let's hope he pulls off the performance of a lifetime!

DH fully deserves to sit in grotto with loud music, screaming children and itchy suit for 4 hours.

Ah, a little 'thinking time'. Bless. I'd use that time to rest OP. :)

Meh I followed your thread in the early hours, I am so, so glad you got to physio. Extremely glad.

I really hope he suffers badly when the hangover kicks in. He has behaved like a total arse hat - don't be "persuaded" into helping him any more than you see fit. But make the shit suffer. Stupidity and selfishness on his part does not constitute a need for you to assist.

Thanks oh it's nice to know others have read this thread and care. to you all. Xx

I was lurking last night to meh I'm happy to see both you and ds are sorted... . And that dh fell out of bed

(yes, it's a thing... totally a thing... well, it certainly is now... possibly a bit niche, I grant you, but perhaps I can just work on being a hipster?)

Well done your DS for managing socks AND shinpads AND bib - that's great going. Must be SUCH a good feeling for you. And one of those Yay!Moments to store up for when it all feels a bit much & pain wakes you 10 minutes after you finally manage to get to sleep (prevented from doing so by pain), no?

I am choosing to believe that can contain hot chocolate, given I drink neither tea nor coffee... I might actually go & make one now. With marshmallow fluff in. For the highly-necessary additional calories, you understand. Not at all because my palate has roughly the sophistication of most of my Brownies' & I have a wildly sweet tooth. Nope. Not at all. Not me. Nooooo.

Love the dance - definitely a thing now! And of course hot chocolate is an option - any hot beverage is good in this weather.

Update on DH - 4 hour Santa stint completed with many compliments and great dad points. The PTA have said he has a job for life! DS asked me why santa has the same phone as Daddy...

What's that supposed to mean max ?

santa has the same phone as Daddy

hahahahahaa!!!!