To be pissed he's not home yet

[Mehfruittea]

DH went out with work friends for their xmas meal today. His work usually have 4 different get togethers for team, dept, whole company etc. He finished at 2pm and had a meal booked. It's been planned for ages. But...

He went out on Wednesday night so I had to do everything by myself, get tea done, feed child bath and bed etc. Thursday I had to take DS to a birthday party that was 1 hr drive, then 2 hrs and 1 hr back. Today I had to take him to an after school club that involves another 1hour drive each way plus 1 hour while there. Then tomorrow we have a meal with friends that has been planned for a very long time, plus football and school fair. Argh! I'm disabled, suffer from chronic pain and am currently going through withdrawal from fentanyl (that's another thread). I'm so fucking tired. And I'm losing my job right now so been very stressed, not sleeping. Had an interview today which I had to travel for. My plate is fucking full.

So I spoke to DH at 5pm and told him I was feeling really unwell and struggling. Could he come home within next 2 hours? Yes, I'll call you in an hour, he said. So I hoped he'd be home by 7. I could finish bath time and hand over to DH to do the bedtime, which is a total fucking nightmare. It's now 9.15pm DS still awake. "What if my gloves don't fit me when I'm 10?" DH phone is off, no call since 5pm. AIBU? He doesn't actually go out that often, it's just this week has turned in to a shitstorm of clashes.

Cunting bastard, is all I have to say. It's so pathetic. Fucking alcohol

This thread will get messier and messier.

Hope he's home soon op

OP i really feel for you. There is so much going on here. Firstly I do think your DH is 'allowed' out on his Xmas do so YABU. If it's one of four well sometimes that's the way these things go. YANBU however for him to be more understanding because of your pain. If you knew it was the meal then why did you plan the physio the next day? Why is he being Santa? Why are your son'a activities so far away (and so important) if you're unwell? I think you're doing way too much. He's a kid does he need to be driven all these hours to do activities? Don't you think as a family you should stop piling the pressure on yourselves? Stop making your time so busy. You all need to just take some time out. I don't know what Fentanyl is is it a painkiller? Are you taking advice on reducing it? I'm not sure now (in the run up to Xmas with parties and loads going on) is the time to mess with meds. Go to sleep, I'm sure you'll hear the door. You're exhausted. Maybe chat about it on Sunday with him. No point with a hangover

He's being a prick

Fair enough he rarely goes out, but he knows how much pain you're in. He knows he has commitments tonorrow and he told you he would be gone by a certain time

By going against all that he's showing he only cares about himself

That is rubbish of him - even if you didn't have the added difficulties of chronic pain he needs to grow up and not let his nights out wreak havoc on his family responsibilities!!!

Actually I'm on your side Op, I too suffer from disability, I've got two young dc and I do everything for them. Never miss a party they want to go to, a three times a week activity they enjoy plus random surprise outings. I keep the house ticking over and our kids happy. My dh recognises that and understands that I need a nights sleep. He wouldn't dream of leaving me in the lurch. In fact he's working all next weekend and I'm left with the kids so he's arranged for the in laws to have them for a sleepover. Fourth sleepover in 7 years!

Just because he knows I can't do it all.

He's being an arse for not calling and switching off his phone. If this is unusual for him I'd cut him some slack for it, if he has form for this, then you need to rethink your life and how you are going to essentially do it alone.
Kids don't need baths daily, wash their hands and face, brush his teeth and put him to bed, tell him to put new gloves on his Christmas list in case they don't fit when he's 10.

Why are bedtimes a nightmare?

My advice is not to sit and clock watch. If DS is still awake and won't sleep he can keep himself entertained. Tell him to stop worrying about his gloves, lie down and read a book. Dad will be home later to give him a goodnight kiss etc.

I agree with PPs who say your DH will roll in drunk. It's to be expected if he's been out all this time. If he's a drunk santa that's not your fault and nothing you can do about it.

Find something to keep your mind occupied while your DH is out to stop you festering.

If you are struggling, could your dc miss some of their clubs? Missing an odd week is not going to make a difference. Could another parent take dc to football tomorrow.?

However, if he said he would be home in a couple of hours, then he should have got home by 7-8pm (depending on traffic).

Some of the responses on here are a fucking joke. The OP has a chronic condition. Her H is her carer. His want to get drunk does not outweigh the OP's need for support.

And the OP is trying to be a good parent and not let her condition affect her child.

Also, having organised several community events, if someone had volunteered to be Santa then turned up still drunk / hungover I'd be furious. He has made a commitment to the OP and to the school so should honour them if nothing else.

Has he turned up yet?
You sound so utterly fed up. I'd take myself off to bed. He can knock-if you hear him fine, if not - tough.
Don't feel like you need to support him tomorrow though doing Santa, he can bloody well struggle like you've had to.
I'm concerned that you're reducing your dosage whilst still in substantial pain - is your GP or pain team supportive?

Thanks everyone for your kind words.

He's still not home. To clarify - I was happy for him to go out on his works do. When I spoke to him at 5pm I told him how ill I was and that I'm struggling. He offered to leave straight away. I said no, I can cope a bit longer. Make sure you have fun and can you be home within a couple of hours? He agreed. And he's supposed to be driving. And he's been out since 2pm.

Going to try and get some sleep now. It's really hard to sleep due to stress of losing my job, the pain and knowing I need to let DH in when he finally rocks up.

Oh and my physio is every Saturday, it's rehab to keep muscle tone at a level that helps to control pain. A bit. I'm a wheelchair user and will lose leg muscle if I don't excercise, but it needs to be under supervision. If I cancel, it's not just the money. It's the impact to my health.

He's an arse.

And I don't care how contrite he'll be tomorrow, there's no excuse.

And no-one needs 4 Christmas Dos with the same people!

Hope you get some sleep.
Please don't cancel physio tomorrow-DS can miss a week of footy, this is priority.

Don't waste your breath trying to speak about things when he does finally tip up. If he's pissed, you'll get upset then he'll just fall asleep and you'll be too angry to.

Don't let him in let him.sort himself out tonight.

Can anyone else take you to the appointment or baby sit the kids?

I really would look at some nearer clubs though you can't keep doing that to yourself. It would be stressful anyway with the rush hour traffic worrying of you will make it or whether your husband will.

I really wouldn't keep doing that to yourself.

Let whoever hired him as santa deal with him. Again that's really not your problem to worry about.

Are you entitled to any outside help?

Hope you get some sleep!
My ex used to do this all the time & I used to get overwhelmed with anxiety & cd never sleep well til he was home.
Totally out of order. Selfish man.

your pain management should take priority over the football, as it is a serious medical pain issue - so you go to that, hungover DH will have to explain to DS why he cant go to football and entertain him instead.

Your Physio is more important than your childs football match.

I know which i' cancel if he's too pissed to take your son... and he can explain why.

I could understand some responses had you rang and ordered him home now! But you have been more than accommodating

He is being a git go to sleep deal with tomorrow when it comes

Yanbu, tp other posting dc shouldn't do things, really? They should miss put so dad can go get drunk? You have kids you give up those things.

Ok just checked our online banking.

£70
£100
£50

Saw a taxi pull up outside, then leave again. Think I will see another ATM withdrawal and he will be home soon.

Can I have a quick hands up for the spare room? He snores really badly when he's pissed.

Chuck him in there

No questions asked

Yep spare room for definite! Sounds like you have had a tough week OP and I really hope you get to your appointment tomorrow. My dh has at least four Christmas dos and they really get on my goat. He doesn't go out often at all so I'm happy for him to have fun, let his hair down etc. I just don't get the need for four lots of it in the space of two weeks. Mind you I work in the public sector with one small do and not the city like him so I'm not part of that culture.

Spare room? You're being generous! If I was in your position I'd be ignoring him knocking and let him sleep in the shed. He turned off his phone so turn off yours.