To be pissed he's not home yet

[Mehfruittea]

DH went out with work friends for their xmas meal today. His work usually have 4 different get togethers for team, dept, whole company etc. He finished at 2pm and had a meal booked. It's been planned for ages. But...

He went out on Wednesday night so I had to do everything by myself, get tea done, feed child bath and bed etc. Thursday I had to take DS to a birthday party that was 1 hr drive, then 2 hrs and 1 hr back. Today I had to take him to an after school club that involves another 1hour drive each way plus 1 hour while there. Then tomorrow we have a meal with friends that has been planned for a very long time, plus football and school fair. Argh! I'm disabled, suffer from chronic pain and am currently going through withdrawal from fentanyl (that's another thread). I'm so fucking tired. And I'm losing my job right now so been very stressed, not sleeping. Had an interview today which I had to travel for. My plate is fucking full.

So I spoke to DH at 5pm and told him I was feeling really unwell and struggling. Could he come home within next 2 hours? Yes, I'll call you in an hour, he said. So I hoped he'd be home by 7. I could finish bath time and hand over to DH to do the bedtime, which is a total fucking nightmare. It's now 9.15pm DS still awake. "What if my gloves don't fit me when I'm 10?" DH phone is off, no call since 5pm. AIBU? He doesn't actually go out that often, it's just this week has turned in to a shitstorm of clashes.

Fuck that! Chuck him out for the night. Over £200 when he knows you're losing your job and money will be tight?!

Even without the chronic condition, his behaviour is utterly twattish.

I would agree with sleeping in the shed but I bet he will bang on the door and potentially wake up the children. Not worth it

Sounds awful!! Why do you have to pay for physio? I have long term pain/joint issues due to RA and I am seen by NHS. Could your consultant refer you? Ear plugs for tonight too for you!

Ok he's home. He's very drunk. Not currently listening to spare room conversation.

He has told me he loves me 20-30 times and sorry for whatever...urgh! I'm not wasting my breath.

Now maybe I can sleep! Thanks for the hand holding everyone.

do you have a coal cupboard by any chance?

My MIL used to make FIL and DH and his older brothers spend the night in there when they weren't home on time...

Don't you just love the drunken "I love you"

You'll never get a decent conversation out of him tonight. And probably not much more luck tomorrow either

Enjoy your sleep at least

Staying out until ten pm wouldn't bother me that much if he rarely goes out. With little kids you need to be around at tea time/bed time really - so I don't think there was much difference once the 7/8pm slot had been covered. However the amount of cash spent would be an issue for us as it would be a months worth of going out all gone in one evening.

Grrr the fucker!
You get to bed-you'll need your rest as you'll be up at 6 teaching DS to play the drums on all your pans
Remember - YOU need to put yourself first here, no one else will. Go to physio.

Hope you manage to get some sleep

I second going to physio. Let ds harass your hungover husband about the missed football.

Staying out until ten pm wouldn't bother me that much if he rarely goes out.

Presume you're not suffering with constant debilitating pain though?

if only we had a shed or coal cupboard!

He is so drunk I don't think he knows he's pissed me off yet. Will speak tomorrow...

Re my physio, I've had NHS but can't fit it in around work. If I took extra time off (even though I'm entitled too) I would have lost my job ages ago. My NHS physio takes 30 mins for the session, 1hr to queue to drive in to the car park at the hospital, and 1 hr drive from work. they'd give me stupid times like 11.30 so I end up losing most of the working day. To do this every week?! Not a chance. I already lost my job because my boss is a dick and thinks it's ok to discriminate because if my wheelchair. But that's another thread. So private physio works for me, I'm committed to it and get up at 7am every Saturday so that I can get there and back, and still have the whole day for family stuff. It's a regular thing and DH is usually supportive of it. But it's expensive and I can't afford it if I don't have a job.

Plus he has commitments tomorrow that he'll have to miss and the OP will probably end up missing out on vital physio.

I hope you feel ok tomorrow and manage to sleep well tonight.
I very much feel your pain and it makes me sad that your husband isn't being supportive atm.
Big, gentle hugs. Take care x

"Please don't cancel physio tomorrow-DS can miss a week of footy, this is priority."

This ^^

So you're in a state of withdrawal from opioids OP? And also in pain from your illness?

I think it's most appropriate he sleeps in the spare room. I expect what you're going through, that sleep doesn't come easily, so it won't even be a case of "tit for tat". Why isn't he more understanding? Absolutely he should be able to do his own thing, but surely taking care of your ill partner, and taking over the family responsibilities takes precendence over nights out?

another vote for not cancelling physio. go. rifle through his wallet and take the money to pay for the taxi if necessary.

I agree, go to physio, football is less important. It's only one session that your DC will miss.

Don't cancel physio.
Leave DH to sort out DS and just go.
If DH is unable to take DS to his footy game, he needs to acknowledge that he's let him down and take responsibility for it.
Stop enabling his shite behaviour.
When you have kids there's no automatic right to nights off to get pissed.

I think the MOST important thing here is managing your fentanyl withdrawal. Everything else has to take a back seat. It's a vicious drug as you know OP.

Might have missed this but how is an after school club 1 hours drive away

Thanks everyone for your support.

Just had to do a full bed change and new pjs for DS as he's wet through, bless him. Now he wants me to stay until he's asleep.

Meanwhile DH is moaning and groaning very loudly in his sleep, balanced on the edge of our bed as if he's sharing with a football team. He will fall out.

I might take the spare room and be shot of him tonight. Just know that tomorrow is too busy a day to have this out with him. And tomorrow is supposed to be his 'get shitfaced' day, if he really wants to. DS is at sleepover with MIL &FIL we have 24hrs child free. He will be hung over, I will be exhausted and still on withdrawal. As a pp said, it's opiate withdrawal and a bitch. Makes me feel a little tetchy.

To pp re after school club, its run by LA at sport centre in the same town but due to school traffic etc it takes 1 hr instead of the 19 minutes google said it would when we signed up. DS is in reception, this is all new to us and lessons will be learned. We're still in first term so feels tight to pull him out when he enjoys it so much.

It's the stress of losing my job in such shitty circumstances that is killing me right now. The uncertain future for our family, and at Christmas when I should be happy and fucking jolly.

He's just fallen out of bed. I'm going to leave him on the floor.

He's just fallen out of bed. Every cloud...

I hope things look up tomorrow.

Oh lovely

I'm just about to rotate from oxycodone onto fentanyl patches & will get support from my named nurse on the pain management team responsible for overseeing that part of my care - can you find out about getting something like this put in place OP? Have you had any joy with pain management programmes? If you've never been offered a place on one, I'd seriously recommend asking for a referral to be assessed. I realise your post wasn't about the pain side of things, but for obvious reasons that very much stood out.

Absolutely do not cancel your physio appointment. You have to pay whether or not you go. Getting your DS to & from football is your DH's responsibility & he has no right to abdicate it in this fashion. Not going out very often doesn't make it ok for him to go on total benders like this when he does, especially not when you're in no state to pick up the pieces. If your H fails to get DS to football, that's a pity for your DS, but not the end of the world. Hopefully a kick up the arse for your H though - & absolutely do not let him even try to suggest you should change your plans to accommodate his hangover.

As for the school fair... good luck?
Do they have anyone who could step in if he's REALLY in no fit state? Am thinking entirely of the enjoyment of the small people & saving you from The Hoikers Of Judgey-Pants. Your H fully deserves hours in a noisy hall stuffed in a sweaty-itchy Santa costume listening to the bimblings of small children.

If he has the temerity to suggest he is in pain following his night on the floor you are fully entitled to run him over in your wheelchair &/or thump him one with any other mobility aid you might have. You could probably get a group of volunteers together to help if you're too tired. I can't self-propel my "lightweight" chair v well (it's also too big, because the woman at wheelchair services got me a 16" chair when I need a 14" one but wouldn't cop to mismeasuring that badly so would only go down one size but that's a whole other story) but I have 3 pairs of crutches a mob could use to beat (or just angrily poke) your H with? One set has googly eyes on, which would lend a certain air to things, I feel...