To think that some people have no idea how to conduct themselves?

[Luckster]

I'm fuming this evening. I'm a teacher and work long hours like lots of other people so I'm totally exhausted and may have overreacted slightly to this.
Background information - dh is a cub leader. Not the only leader, but one of a team and one of them ( not sure which one but fairly sure it isn't dh has organised a visit to an activity centre tomorrow.

Having my dinner this evening and a woman knocks on my door. I don't know her but recognise her as a parent if a cub and know she lives somewhere on the road behind me. I answer the door and she starts off saying what's happening tomorrow then? I could tell she was worked up but as I have nothing to do with cubs I have no idea what they are doing and told her so. She was getting note and more upset and asked if dh was in. When I said no she pretty much tried to barge in. Basically she hasn't seen an email about times for tomorrow, has no idea what is going on and was crying and getting hysterical by this stage saying over and over - but I'm a nurse - what am I supposed to do?

She was really over the top and most definitely unhinged and then started ranting about it being unacceptable. I pointed out there was nothing that I could do and all I could do was speak I dh when he got home and see if he knew. I pointed out that he also works long hours and is a volunteer so sometimes he may not email in a timely manner but he is doing his best. (I refer back to the fact that I am pretty certain it is not him organising this event). Anyway she ranted on and on (hysteria!) so I told her she was too emotional and needed to get her shit together. I also told her not to darken my door again with her screaming and ranting and promptly shut the door and went inside.

Seriously there was nothing j could do to help her. I appreciate its frustrating and she just wanted to get organised but to yell and scream at a volunteers wife because they have no idea what is happening is just unreasonable.

She's pretty lucky I didn't tell her to fuck right off as I'm pretty conversant with swear words! I feel I was quite restrained to me. God knows how she'll react if I see her in the street again in our small village. Oh my god, I am actually so wound up. Seriously who goes and knocks on someone's door randomly and act unhinged because you don't know what time you are supposed to be somewhere??!! People are bloody hard work!

Someone did the same to me but I was only 12 years old. They expected me to have the information my dad had and when I didn't, all hell broke loose.

Ha ha ha at cup of tea.

I was in a terrible mood today, with a backlog of work and a deadline tomorrow. If someone had come to MY door in such a state, ranting and raging on about something I had nothing to do with, I probably would have screamed fuck off at them. On a less stressful day, I might have been more sympathetic but probably not. Random people coming to the door make me uneasy anyway (not exactly a friendly neighbourhood where I am).

I hear you SuperFlyHigh Reading this thread it is not you you comes across as the "sad" one, at all.

Telling somebody who is agitated to fuck off is pretty stupid and not effective in terms of dealing with conflict. Being assertive means you have your boundaries in place in a non aggressive but firm and confident way. Swearing at somebody is anything but, it's just immature and doesn't reflect too well at all on the swearer. I suppose it depend on how you were brought up and what your values are. To some people acting like a fishwife is a common everyday experience they don't know any different, others use different and in my opinion more appropriate communication tools.

*values you have

SFH surely any good teacher would remember their safeguarding training and stop a disturbed shouting woman into their home where their children are? You know, keep them out of danger or hearing a slanging match? Or did your saintly mother have form for inviting all and sundry in?

Oh drop the po faced comments! Posters in real life are unlikely to actually tell the unhinged intruder to fuck off. Op didn't. They would think it and try to head them off, just as op did. Actually swearing at the person I would suppose just as unlikely as the hand wringers actually inviting the intruder in for tea/lamb tagine/ impromptu counselling session.

It all sounds very unpleasant and tbh the woman at the door does sound unwell. In fact, it reminds me a bit of an aunt whi had a psychotic breakdown; in the preceding weeks she did some v odd things. We felt powerless as you cannot force an adult to seek medical help.
I think the OP handled it a lot better than I would have.

Rushpotato the op didn't tell her to fuck off.

I know OP didn't tell the woman to fuck off but she was pretty damned near in that.

I was also a bit as in her OP she did wonder how she'd react if she saw her again in their village - eg she expected this woman to go off on her again and she expected maybe a row between them to occur. Afterwards later on the post she did say she was non confrontational and did not like an argument so nothing would happen in the street.

I did say she should ask her DH re more suitable methods of dealing with Cubs parents etc eg better contact details etc. if I was being really pissy I'd say that as the wife of a cub leader she should be on hand at all times to answer any and every question but I didn't say that and I don't believe that to be the case.

I do believe OP handled this well on balance and was simply venting here.

Like I said I rarely have callers... probably due to the broomstick outside my door! JOKE! And the most I have to worry about now is a sick cat who's locked in due to an infected wound and not happy about it!

You should keep some in the house Francis. Ready for a random ranter at the door.

Dh and I tried to help a distressed blind man we saw at the side of the road once. It didn't end well - he had so many problems, few we could do anything about, he was drunk, we ended up getting involved in a situation we could do very little to resolve. We had long journey ahead of us and a baby and toddler in the car, it was dark and we ended up being shouted at by the poor man. Nightmare!

Sorry example of how little well meaning bystanders can actually do

Shout through the letter box you can't come in this is Midsomer

YANBU OP. And there are undoubtedly vast numbers of people in this world who rant and rave at others not because they have MH problems but either because they are arseholes or because they've had a bad day and take it out on others because they have no bloody self control and think everything is all about them.

It's one thing giving somebody the benefit of the doubt if you suspect they do have MH issues. It's quite another thing to be expected to put up with people ranting and raving on your doorstep.

And at it being somehow inappropriate for a teacher to even think swear words while not even in school. No wonder we teachers are leaving the profession in our droves if, in addition to all the shit we put up with in school, people think they have the right to police not just our behaviour but also our thoughts when we're not even at bloody work.

Eolian through my mum's job I met some teachers who I wouldn't trust to look after my pet cat, so they're not all angels.

I clarified especially when OP came back and said she didn't like confrontation and that was part of the crux of my replies, if OP had been on the verge of swearing and then saw the woman in the street to have a go at her (which OP later clarified she would not do) then sorry I don't think that's appropriate behaviour for anyone, let alone a teacher, but also in a small village where everyone knows you. I equally don't think a row in the street is a good example for a nurse to set either, because both jobs are community professions. For me an ex legal secretary it could reflect on me badly and I know someone who was dismissed because she got in trouble outside work, brought the firm's name into disrepute and it got into the public domain. But that's more extreme.

Mountains out of molehills.

Navy do you really think the OP would have better had she let rip, told her to fuck off in no uncertain terms etc?

Then when her DH came home, she told him she'd sworn at a Cub's mother and then after hearing from her DH that the mother was highly strung. Would OP feel better then?

Like I clarified yes OP did handle this well.

My mum years ago (God knows why) saw a man bleeding after a fight outside garages opposite her house - she had no idea what had happened but had been told there had been a fight the other man had wandered off and the injured party was sitting there... She helped him (he was drunk) didn't invite him in but certainly put herself in danger, my stepdad i think was out he wouldn't have got involved. In the end the man went off quietly after being calmed down and brought a cup of tea From my mum.

Cristabell. Regardless of why the woman was hysterical/fuming etc, you cannot reasonably practice some sort of amateur therapy on a total stranger ranting on the doorstep with your children inside the house. The OP was as polite and helpful as possible at first and then a firmer hand was needed. What else should OP have done?