I probably am being a cow but AIBU about DD's friend's gran?

[TwoBrokeGirls]

DD's best friend's mum works full time and so her mother in law does the school run every day to pick up DD's friend.

She is ok to chat to sometimes and I'm happy to chat to her at times but she just won't leave me alone and seems to latch on to me constantly even if I'm in a hurry or if I'm talking to someone else. She also is an 'Elevenerife' type of person, so if you've been to Tenerife she's gone one better and been to Elevenerife. She never listens to anything I say and just cuts in about herself or her children/grandchildren, with little put downs about DD and I, as if we are not good enough.

I literally cannot get away from her! She lives very near me and so I often see her on the walk to or from school, and often lately she has started waiting for me. She butts in on any conversations I have with others or just stands there with us. Often the butting in involves making subtle digs or put downs about me.

I have tried going to the school early at pick up, but she then gets there and stands with me. I've tried being late to pick up DD (Only by 2 or 3 minutes). The gran waited with DD and her granddaughter then berated me for being late and started saying that I must have been standing around gossiping!

Like I said, I am happy to chat to her sometimes out of politeness as DD and her granddaughter are best friends, but not every day, all the time! This morning I saw a friend at the school that I hadn't seen for ages and had a quick chat with her and the gran just stood there butting in with ridiculous smart arse comments, then kept talking about how her granddaughter is doing really well at school when we were talking about something totally different. It was embarrassing as my friend eventually made her excuses and left and I could tell this woman was annoying her, yet my friend probably thinks I like this woman!

I don't want to be a complete bitch but AIBU to find her annoying? Any tips on how I can avoid her? As I said, she lives near me and we walk the exact same route all the time. I was thinking of maybe going in the car for a few weeks and picking DD up from the opposite side of the playground near to the car park. But it irks me that I have to go to the hassle of doing that, but can't think of any other options really.

I've just started doing the school run on behalf of my daughter and I would find this intolerable! I dash from work to the school and I need time to separate my work day from the school run - so I sit in the car and run through texts and emails and leave my car when it's 'time' to collect the infant child. I walk into the school as the bell rings and the reception classes file out. Then we get in the queue for the Yr 6 brother! Please make strategies - for a week or two, where you arrive from a different direction, and you get there as the children come out (always chaotic) and you have to rush off - always no explanation - and apart from a nod or a smile, ignore the woman!!! Of course your real playground buddies will be made aware of why you are doing this - not to avoid them at all!

I think you need to stiffen your spine and start being very clear and directive with her.

If she insists on walking with you to school then keep a brisk pace and let the conversation wash over you. However if she says something rude then you need to challenge back: Wow, what a rude thing to say! If she says no, then you can counter that with: Oh well, perhaps you didn't mean it the way it sounded - which will give her something to think about.

When you see other friends, you need to be very clear that you are leaving her to it. So say 'Anyway, I'll say bye now - please excuse me I need to go and speak to someone else. I'll see you soon'. Don't give her any opportunity to think that you're just popping off for 5 minutes. If she follows and tries to join the conversation then you need to direct her elsewhere; be polite but firm: Sorry , I'm busy now and I'll see you another time.

If she still refuses to back off then you need to tell her straight: I'm not comfortable with the way that you speak to me and the fact that it's impossible for me to say or do anything without you following me. I'm sure you mean well but I'm finding it quite overwhelming.

Haven't rtft but yes as someone said, pretend to be on your phone, or have big over-ear headphones on and just don't take them off when you meet her. Smile and nod, wave and walk away.

Or the way that I end unwanted conversations is giving closed answers or not making eye contact. Normally people get the hint but it seems this woman doesn't react to hints?

I love reallybadidda's suggestion-but make it really obvious as in 'that ones hilarious! I must post / text that one straight away!'

Answer her through the medium of interpretative dance.

I liked the idea of looking her in the eye and just saying very firmly, "excuse me", and walk away. Polite and hopefully gets you away.

Answer through the medium of interpretative dance haha

Is anyone else imagining the OP trying all our suggestions at once? ..Headphones, death stare, avoiding eye contact, talking on phone, Did you mean to be so rude? ,laughing hysterically followed by interpretaive dance with the gran backing away slowly..

Answer her through the medium of interpretative dance.

😂

Reminds me of Ray McCooney

I'm on the PTA fringes (was on committee last year) so I would put loads of pressure on her to organise the summer fete. She'd soon start avoiding me

Smile and say, 'oh that's interesting, everyone else has said my coat's lovely. I guess everyone has different opinions.,'

There are some brilliant suggestions on this thread. Was it patchouli666 who had the response I'm treasuring to use for later? (so you won't mind me telling your to fuck off then. Something along those lines. Genius!)

By for me:

Say nothing, just meow

BEST. Response. EVER

This would be a doddle in France. Scarves all the time for weeks on end, coughing , spluttering & croaking: "Honestly, I'm not infectious..." Cue wide berth :)

Jog to and from the school - see if she can keep up with you. Even if she can she'll be too out of breath to make any comments.

I don't know why but this cracked me up !
Just picturing her about to start on the OP with her usual comments, and the OP and child tear off into the distance!

''I was thinking of maybe going in the car for a few weeks and picking DD up from the opposite side of the playground near to the car park. But it irks me that I have to go to the hassle of doing that''

From how she sounds it's well worth the hassle to get shot of her!

If it were me i would persue every single avenue to cut the routine before confronting. Because i'm a coward and for me it would be the simplest sollution. So i'd be in that car each and every day for the next 2 months! It's winter - so a good time to be having to do it. You can resume walking again in Spring when she's well and truly latched on to someone else. And she will.

Love. Love love Elevenerife, God I hope i remember that one, might have to make note to self. I reckon if you ask her "did you mean to be so rude/thoughtless" then if she answers "yes" that shouldnt hold any fears for you because it allows you to let rip with all the thoughts in your head without a second thought all the way from "well fuck right off then" to "I wont be needing to talk to you again then will I?"

Could you take up chewing tobacco and spit it out messily as you're talking to her?

I've suggested chewing tobacco rather than smoking so the children won't be exposed to second hand smoke.

Yvw.

This reminds me of when I was at primary school and Ann M. used to call for me and go home with me and bully me. She made me late for school one day as I was too polite to say "No" to her. Same thing.

Agree with Donald. I do find people who like to be nice all the time even when they don't want to be are frustrating as send the wrong signals and it's painful to watch. Also Bonnieweelass, how can you suggest OP is mean, this MIL is extremely rude and OP is being too polite and actually needs to make her feelings know and to pick her up on some of her rude comments.

'You've made Jesus sad' made my day. I used to have a granny pain in the arse like this at the school gates - 'ooh, what a surprise you're late, you always look like you're off to a meeting (I was), your hair will always grow, it must be exhausting trying to do everything, no wonder your children are tired (they weren't)' ad nauseum. I smiled politely for about a term then I started giving an ear-shattering honking laugh and shrieking at anyone I knew to come over and 'hear how hilarious X's granny is being today! You know how crap she thinks I am, guess how I've offended today!' All with the biggest rictus grin and trying to hug her and give high fives of delight and hilarity.She told her daughter I was unhinged and not to let the kids come round. She stopped though.

Defo, yes, although I would stop at the first put down, stare at her very hard and tell her 'You're just fucking rude', then walk away.

So OP ... which one are you going to use first??