I probably am being a cow but AIBU about DD's friend's gran?

[TwoBrokeGirls]

DD's best friend's mum works full time and so her mother in law does the school run every day to pick up DD's friend.

She is ok to chat to sometimes and I'm happy to chat to her at times but she just won't leave me alone and seems to latch on to me constantly even if I'm in a hurry or if I'm talking to someone else. She also is an 'Elevenerife' type of person, so if you've been to Tenerife she's gone one better and been to Elevenerife. She never listens to anything I say and just cuts in about herself or her children/grandchildren, with little put downs about DD and I, as if we are not good enough.

I literally cannot get away from her! She lives very near me and so I often see her on the walk to or from school, and often lately she has started waiting for me. She butts in on any conversations I have with others or just stands there with us. Often the butting in involves making subtle digs or put downs about me.

I have tried going to the school early at pick up, but she then gets there and stands with me. I've tried being late to pick up DD (Only by 2 or 3 minutes). The gran waited with DD and her granddaughter then berated me for being late and started saying that I must have been standing around gossiping!

Like I said, I am happy to chat to her sometimes out of politeness as DD and her granddaughter are best friends, but not every day, all the time! This morning I saw a friend at the school that I hadn't seen for ages and had a quick chat with her and the gran just stood there butting in with ridiculous smart arse comments, then kept talking about how her granddaughter is doing really well at school when we were talking about something totally different. It was embarrassing as my friend eventually made her excuses and left and I could tell this woman was annoying her, yet my friend probably thinks I like this woman!

I don't want to be a complete bitch but AIBU to find her annoying? Any tips on how I can avoid her? As I said, she lives near me and we walk the exact same route all the time. I was thinking of maybe going in the car for a few weeks and picking DD up from the opposite side of the playground near to the car park. But it irks me that I have to go to the hassle of doing that, but can't think of any other options really.

I'd call her on the subtle digs at my child, no-one would get away with that. I'd quite pointedly also put on some headphones at drop-off, say " audio book ", smile and walk off. Lifes too short.

Headphones.

Bright pink mahoosive ones so she can't miss them.

Or just blank her. She sounds incredibly rude.

How about a bit of one-upmanship... Similar to the echo idea.. when she says oh you're a gossip enthusiastically agree with her and then take it a step further "ooh yes I love to gossip, all day long,i barely ha e time to do anything else!" Perhaps followed by a MN tinkly laugh?! She says oh you have so many clothes you respond "ooh you don't know the half of it, the whole of my bedroom is absolutely filled with clothes and the kitchen cupboards too!"

Headphones - thats a great idea! Or I would say things like - Im sorry I need to speak to that person in private, so dont worry about waiting for me. if she waits can you say something like - sorry XXX cant walk home with you today. I think some people just dont pick up on social cues and she might need more than a hint...

Can you walk a different way or divert to the shops on the way or something? Poor you she sounds a nightmare - and poor GD who must be suffering too!

It may or may not work in terms of her leaving you alone, but at least you would have some fun?!

I would agree with looking at her in a puzzled way as if you have only half heard when she criticises you, and make her repeat it, and continue to look at her and pretend you half hear it, and then go on your phone and wave her away. Wear her down, .

Any crap about the child being better or whatever, I would just say haha, well there you go - ie totally meaningless remarks, and ignore any further comment.

Ugh. YANBU!

Good heavens, I would go ballistic if I were you, OP! You have the patience of a saint.

You don't deserve to be spoken to like that, and you have no obligation to humour this woman just because she's your DD's grandmother.

Every time she says something unsavory, give her a quizzical but stern look and ask what exactly she means. If she trails you around the playground, stop, turn to her and ask why she is following you.

I would call her out, say 'Theres no need to be rude' and deal with the fall out. She's probably trying to provoke a drama.

Pretend to join a gym/book club/yoga class/activity of your choice which means you have to rush off the minute you have dropped DD off at school so can't walk back with her, the same at home time, tell her you and DD are rushing off to ballet/drama/whatever so can't engage in chatter because you are so, so busy.

Alternatively, tell her she is incredibly rude and you find her company unpleasant.

I thought this would be over something really petty, but my god she sounds bizarre. Yanbu.

I'd speak to your friend and say you get the feeling her mil doesn't like you much and ask if you've done anything to offend her. When she asks why, tell her about the sly comments. They'll soon stop.

You could offer to do the school run if you live that close together. Better yet offer to alternate. "Oh it seems silly both of us going, why don't I go today and you go tomorrow?"

Otherwise just be very very dull and give her nothing - tune her out, blank expression and "if you say so"s.

Revert to being a child, wear your wellies and jump in puddles, she may avoid you to avoid getting wet. Have a large bottle of bubbles and insist on blowing them. You'll get lots of attention from children, they'll love you. Drag your feet through the leaves. She may avoid you if you are being what she sees as childish.

Laugh manically at everything she says!

Rude but 'elevenerife' has made my day. Can I be your friend? :)))

Depending on circumstances, you could tell her that you have discovered God, and He came to you in a dream to ask you to convert her. Then talk to her about it every time you see her and talk about nothing else. If she says something rude - say "you've made Jesus very sad."

Or if you know that she smokes / drinks, you could pretend that it your mission in life to persuade her to stop, and refuse to talk about anything else. Even better if you get leaflets about it from the GP surgery and print stuff off the internet so you always have something to give to her.

Call her out on being rude, have a big fall-out and hopefully never speak again!

Hmm next comment about you in anyway "What is your problem? You insist on following me around yet are nothing but unpleasant to me and about DD?"

category's idea seems like a winner. Offer to pick up both girls so she can "stay in the warm" if she lives round the corner.

Alternatively, a) if you have a mother in law, ask her to do the school run. They might hit it off?

                    b) invest in a false beard and glasses and go incognito, only answering to the name "Dave".

As Amanda says. Don't engage. If she talks to you, smile and ignore what she says. She will (eventually) give up and go and torment someone else.

Whatever tack you decide to take, please come back & update us as to your success rate .

She isn't taking any hints to leave you alone, beacue you aren't reallygiving her any to be fair.

She says something to. Piss you off. You keep quiet. She hangs back for you, you don't tell her there's no need to wait.

She waits for you in the morning. You've never told her there's no need to.

You allow her to butt in to your conversations, but you've never said that you were mid conversation.

You allow her to folllow you round, doing and saying whatever she likes, so no wonder she think you like her.

Grow a pair and say something.

RE the swimming lessons. Tell her she's going to compete in the olympics team or something and laugh. It'll make her think twice maybe?

certainly would not be worried about creating an atmosphere, if she was being awkward i'd just say ' sorry but i find some of your comments hurtful and i don't want to listen to that, so please don't speak to me." then ignore, ignore and ignore. have a chat with dd's friends mum if you can and make a jokey point "i'm sure your mil is lovely but she is rather blunt isn't she, sometimes i don't know if she's joking as she can be so rude !" and smile. hopefully she'll [mil] will get the message. friends mum probably has to put up with this rubbish from her too.

actually it is true what Donald says.
Do you think you might be a bit of a 'people pleaser' or you want people to like you?
Not that i am putting you down for it, just pointing it out.
I can be like this as well, until in the end I snap. Don't let it get that far, or you will have her slagging you off violently to her daughter and grandchild.

If she says something rude - say "you've made Jesus very sad."

Blimey - that takes me back - "You've made the Baby Jesus cry" . . .

No the wonder I left organised religion for umpteen decades.