I probably am being a cow but AIBU about DD's friend's gran?

[TwoBrokeGirls]

DD's best friend's mum works full time and so her mother in law does the school run every day to pick up DD's friend.

She is ok to chat to sometimes and I'm happy to chat to her at times but she just won't leave me alone and seems to latch on to me constantly even if I'm in a hurry or if I'm talking to someone else. She also is an 'Elevenerife' type of person, so if you've been to Tenerife she's gone one better and been to Elevenerife. She never listens to anything I say and just cuts in about herself or her children/grandchildren, with little put downs about DD and I, as if we are not good enough.

I literally cannot get away from her! She lives very near me and so I often see her on the walk to or from school, and often lately she has started waiting for me. She butts in on any conversations I have with others or just stands there with us. Often the butting in involves making subtle digs or put downs about me.

I have tried going to the school early at pick up, but she then gets there and stands with me. I've tried being late to pick up DD (Only by 2 or 3 minutes). The gran waited with DD and her granddaughter then berated me for being late and started saying that I must have been standing around gossiping!

Like I said, I am happy to chat to her sometimes out of politeness as DD and her granddaughter are best friends, but not every day, all the time! This morning I saw a friend at the school that I hadn't seen for ages and had a quick chat with her and the gran just stood there butting in with ridiculous smart arse comments, then kept talking about how her granddaughter is doing really well at school when we were talking about something totally different. It was embarrassing as my friend eventually made her excuses and left and I could tell this woman was annoying her, yet my friend probably thinks I like this woman!

I don't want to be a complete bitch but AIBU to find her annoying? Any tips on how I can avoid her? As I said, she lives near me and we walk the exact same route all the time. I was thinking of maybe going in the car for a few weeks and picking DD up from the opposite side of the playground near to the car park. But it irks me that I have to go to the hassle of doing that, but can't think of any other options really.

[CotswoldStrife]

Invent urgent business, wave and say 'see you tomorrow'. Repeat at random intervals so she doesn't know whether you will be there or not (the car does sound a good way of doing this, if you can ignore attempts by her to get a lift!).

Very rude of her to interrupt a conversation you were having with someone else, don't know what to suggest about that

[bonnieweelass]

This makes me think of my own mother and would make me sad that someone found her annoying. She's lonely, more so since my gran died and my sister moved away.

There aren't many other GPs at the school gate and being friends with mums isn't easy when you are a gran, not a mum, so I think she's adopting the mother like approach.

You don't know what is going on at home with this GP, maybe her life is looking after her GD, and she's lonely? Also as her GD is friends with your DD then it makes sense that you are the one she talks to, trying to help that friendship along.

I would be so sad to hear one of the school gate mums thought this way about my DM. I think you sound really mean.

[bimbobaggins]

the gran in the op sounds rud, no social filter and putting down the op child . There is no need for that , so I don't think the op sounds rude. I think she sounds quite tolerant to have put up with it until now

[rollonthesummer]

I think you sound really mean

I don't!

[SabineUndine]

Next dig she has at you, smile sweetly and say 'Oh. What do you mean?' If she then repeats it, say 'Oh, really?' Honestly, there's nothing like forcing someone to repeat a nasty comment to stop them in their tracks.

[VoodooPeople]

Jog to and from the school - see if she can keep up with you. Even if she can she'll be too out of breath to make any comments.

When she butts into your conversation go all Judge Rinder on her and just shout "Talking!", then turn away and carry on with your original conversation.

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

Ask her if she is interested in joining you in a sacrifice to Satan, once the kids are in school.

Though I like Voodoo's suggestion of going all Judge Rinder on her arse!

[CherrySocks]

YANBU - people like this are very annoying. I try to understand their psychology though - does she perhaps think you are lacking a mother figure in your life?
If you aren't try using your DM / MiL to counter what she says - "You don't like my coat? Really? My mum says it really suits me!" "Your granddaughter doesn't have swimming lessons any more? My MiL says it's good to have plenty of lessons" "Are you saying you think I'm a gossip - my mother would be so angry to hear you say that" and so on.

[YelloDraw]

so if you've been to Tenerife she's gone one better and been to Elevenerife

Best. Phrase. Ever. Can't believe o haven't heard that before!

[MidniteScribbler]

I would be so sad to hear one of the school gate mums thought this way about my DM. I think you sound really mean.

If your mother is making rude comments to people and butting in on conversations, then she should expect to be thought of as a rude bitch.

[Rustythedog]

Every time she starts to talk to you, interrupt her to tell her in detail about the dream you had last night. Keep droning on and if she interrupts you, keep asking her what they mean. Do this every time you see her. She'll run for the hills! There is nothing so f*cuking boring as listening to other people's dreams!!!!

Failing that, take up the jogging idea and bring your daughter's scooter/bike with you so she can move quickly and you can jog to catch up!

[CouldIHaveIt]

Mean?

Christ on a bike, the woman is lucky not be be under the patio.

Stop being so soft...adopt the glare & raised eyebrow, along with the ability to just not fill the silence. When she's rude just glare until she apologises or fecks off!

It's hard when it's a DC's parent/grandparent etc.

[CoraPirbright]

Bonnieweelass I would agree with you if this gran was just trying to chat to the OP and walk with her. But she isn't - its the constant digs and putting the OP down that is wearing and interrupting of conversations is just rude!

[OzzieFem]

Say nothing, just meow.

[mammamic]

YANBU

I'm with a few of the others on this. Some people are completely self absorbed and oblivious to how annoying, presumptuous and rude they are. Unless someone lets them know, they just keep on doing what they do.

If the mum of the child (your actual friend) is a good friend, then I'd probably speak with her in a non confrontational, non derogatory (about MIL) way and be honest. Tell your friend that it's lovely to see her mum, however, you've noticed lately that you're losing touch with some other friends as her mum naturally tags along and would it be possible for her to speak with her. This could cause awkwardness and bad feelings with your friend though.

the only other alternative, and probably the best one, is to speak with this lately directly. Tell her that you'd prefer it if she didn't wait for you to/from school. If she asks why, say that it's extra pressure as you feel responsible for her waiting. If she says she doesn't mind, be straight and say that you appreciate that, however, you'd prefer to make your own way to and from school. This would tell most people that they need to back off.

If that works but she continues to tag on once you're at school, then leave it a week or so then reaffirm and tell her - nice to see you - I'm going to talk to 'x' over there on my own for a catch up - have a lovely weekend (even if it's Monday!).

If none of that works then I'd bite the bullet - 5 mins of awkwardness to get the message across will be worth it. eg I'd prefer to see my friends during school run, hope you don't mind. Maybe we can walk home together. (which will probably be the case if DD and her GD are best friends).

Good luck - it's a tricky one but not as bad as you think. One of my friends asked me to speak with my mother who started to turn up at my friend's unannounced as it was on her way for the school run! I was mortified and spoke with my mother sharpish. She was upset but got over it quickly

[MooPointCowsOpinion]

Yesterday 17:44 chocolateworshipper

Depending on circumstances, you could tell her that you have discovered God, and He came to you in a dream to ask you to convert her. Then talk to her about it every time you see her and talk about nothing else. If she says something rude - say "you've made Jesus very sad."

Or if you know that she smokes / drinks, you could pretend that it your mission in life to persuade her to stop, and refuse to talk about anything else. Even better if you get leaflets about it from the GP surgery and print stuff off the internet so you always have something to give to her.

This. Is. Genius.

Next annoying person I am totally going to convert them to fasting diet, or say I sell Avon, or forever living.

[Scamp48]

I don't think you have been mean at all, Op. I went through something similar with another mother: hanging around/behind me at every pick up and drop off, boasting about her children at the expense of mine (to be fair, she does this to most of the school mums), commenting on my behaviour if we were out as adults, dissing my food if I had invited her children around for tea. If my child came out of school crying (as they occasionally do), she would make sure she was right there watching it all and pushing her daughter forward to comfort her - as a mother, you just want to space to deal with it yourself surely?? Cut a long story short, I dreaded the school run and felt I couldn't put my foot out of the door without her being right there, waiting for us. She even asked if she could park on the drive outside our house in the mornings (we live near the school) - I instantly said no to that one, thank goodness. I put up with most of it, challenging some of the put downs and doing all I could to avoid her but she was a master at being thick-skinned and somehow would always turn my challenges back onto me. There are lots more examples of weirdness I could give you but wanted to say I have complete sympathy - it's a complete nightmare!!!

[PersianCatLady]

I haven't spoken to my friend as she thinks her MIL's great!
I think that you might be surprised.

Perhaps the MIL annoys your friend just as much and also puts her down too, for example by insinuating that she is not good enough for her son or something??

[MrsMoastyToasty]

Have a prolonged conversation on your mobile phone. ..even if you're not actually on a call. Mention a highly contagious infection/dodgy relative in prison /economic policy.....whatever suits your needs

[PrettyBotanicals]

'You've made Jesus sad' made my day.

I used to have a granny pain in the arse like this at the school gates - 'ooh, what a surprise you're late, you always look like you're off to a meeting (I was), your hair will always grow, it must be exhausting trying to do everything, no wonder your children are tired (they weren't)' ad nauseum.

I smiled politely for about a term then I started giving an ear-shattering honking laugh and shrieking at anyone I knew to come over and 'hear how hilarious X's granny is being today! You know how crap she thinks I am, guess how I've offended today!' All with the biggest rictus grin and trying to hug her and give high fives of delight and hilarity.

She told her daughter I was unhinged and not to let the kids come round.

She stopped though.

[Daydream007]

She sounds awful. I'd just ignore her and keep it brief

[NotTheFordType]

You need to cultivate a Death Stare, OP. Just look her in the eyes. Say nothing. Don't frown, don't smile. Completely blank expression. Just keep staring, and don't look away. STARE THAT BITCH DOWN.

[BratFarrarsPony]

yes to the death stare, but dont look her in the eyes, focus on a spot on her forehead, this will really upset her and she will move away.

[MumsTheWordYouKnow]

I like cherrysucks' ideas

[SherbrookeFosterer]

Pretend to be on the phone, appear engrossed in the conversation and periodically reply to your "caller" yes/no, if she looks like she is about to speak, raise your right index finger authoritatively and look away.

She will soon find another victim.