I probably am being a cow but AIBU about DD's friend's gran?

[TwoBrokeGirls]

DD's best friend's mum works full time and so her mother in law does the school run every day to pick up DD's friend.

She is ok to chat to sometimes and I'm happy to chat to her at times but she just won't leave me alone and seems to latch on to me constantly even if I'm in a hurry or if I'm talking to someone else. She also is an 'Elevenerife' type of person, so if you've been to Tenerife she's gone one better and been to Elevenerife. She never listens to anything I say and just cuts in about herself or her children/grandchildren, with little put downs about DD and I, as if we are not good enough.

I literally cannot get away from her! She lives very near me and so I often see her on the walk to or from school, and often lately she has started waiting for me. She butts in on any conversations I have with others or just stands there with us. Often the butting in involves making subtle digs or put downs about me.

I have tried going to the school early at pick up, but she then gets there and stands with me. I've tried being late to pick up DD (Only by 2 or 3 minutes). The gran waited with DD and her granddaughter then berated me for being late and started saying that I must have been standing around gossiping!

Like I said, I am happy to chat to her sometimes out of politeness as DD and her granddaughter are best friends, but not every day, all the time! This morning I saw a friend at the school that I hadn't seen for ages and had a quick chat with her and the gran just stood there butting in with ridiculous smart arse comments, then kept talking about how her granddaughter is doing really well at school when we were talking about something totally different. It was embarrassing as my friend eventually made her excuses and left and I could tell this woman was annoying her, yet my friend probably thinks I like this woman!

I don't want to be a complete bitch but AIBU to find her annoying? Any tips on how I can avoid her? As I said, she lives near me and we walk the exact same route all the time. I was thinking of maybe going in the car for a few weeks and picking DD up from the opposite side of the playground near to the car park. But it irks me that I have to go to the hassle of doing that, but can't think of any other options really.

I think either you have the strength to deal with people like this. eg digs about how many clothes you have....you follow with a laugh and yes aren't I lucky/you never know who might be looking....some such silly comment

or you haven't in which case it is very draining to be around

I'm surprised that she is this annoying, yet your friend (who I presume you get along with or she wouldn't be your friend!) really likes her??

"What an odd thing to say"

"Hmm, I think that was what they used to think but expert advice has moved on a bit since then"

Or the classic MN "Did you mean to be so rude?"

Of course the friend thinks her mil is great, she does the school run for her every day!!
If someone is annoying me I only respond to direct questions so " your DD is still doing swimming lessons" or " I've never known anyone with so many clothes" I would just look at her with a blank look.
If she interrupted another conversation I would respond with " hmm, ( friend) What were we saying?"
I think if you really want to get rid of her you are going to have to be quite hard faced about it.

I was getting to the end wanting to make a comment, and when I get here, Hoppingreen's first line says it for me!

I also agree with the two PPs who suggest you say something about the blunt comments to the friend.

I note you saying she's got a busy life, OP, but wonder if she's lonely ON THE PLAYGROUND? Not knowing many other parents? Could you introduce her to a few? Or get her involved with the PTA or something? I love the suggestions that you alternate the school runs with her.

Good luck with some of the assertive suggestions offered (and don't forget to feed back to us how it's going!)

FGS what kind of answer is "offer to do the school run for her"?
Have you read 2000+ threads on here about how much of a pita it is to be stuck collecting other people's children.

Everytime she says something to you, cock your head to one side, frown and say I 'I can't think what you mean', then say oh, I must get that to your phone and start talking into it even if it didn't ring. She'll soon get the message. or maybe not as she sounds very thick skinned

Maybe that's her plan?

If she makes enough of a PITA of herself you'll take both children to school and collect them and she can stay home toasting her slippered feet by the fire.

Cunning little bi-atch.

Every time she says a rude thing stare at her and wait for an explanation. Don't change the subject, if she doesn't notice an 'okaaay' might suffice. Don't ever chit chat out of politeness with her.

Maybe she has SN?

Don't say "did you mean to be so rude?". It's not witty, it's not really a classic and it makes no sense. She probably did mean to be rude!

I agree about the wig, glasses and only answer to the name Dave. Or do what my friend does when she's pissed off, do not answe anything with words, just nod and dismissively say "mmmm".

how hard. Think I'd start running the school run, but I like running and use it often to avoid people!

Also if she hangs around waiting to walk I'd say 'don't wait for me, I'll be ages'.

If she buts into a conversation, I would say, 'I'm sorry, this is a private conversation'.

I like the suggestion of saying 'what an odd thing to say' when she makes her one-upping comments or comments on your clothes/conversations. I would vary it with 'what a rude thing to say' or 'what an unkind thing to say'.

I used to know someone like this. In the end I just decided to try and see the humour in her rude comments and to kind of 'collect' them and would text DH with any particularly good ones. The anticipation of waiting to see how rude she would be made the school run quite fun in the end. (My favourite was - oh, you're pregnant. I thought you were just still fat from the last one )

Alternatively just stand there looking at your phone without making eye contact and answer in monosyllables or leave her questions unanswered as though you haven't heard. A bit rude, but quite effective.

Simply say did you mean to sound so rude then walk away.

ah yes " did you mean to sound so rude " that total killer comeback .....

Does anyone actually use the killer comeback in real life?

'Did you mean to be so rude?' is a shit comeback. I took MN advice and used it once. The dickhead said 'yes' which totally flummoxed me.

On this one, you may need to fight rudeness with rudeness as she is such a thick-skinned pita. e.g. "thats quite a rude thing to say', "I am sorry but can you not butt in?", "please don't wait for me/go on ahead - I like this time as just me and the kids".

Failing that, car, rearrange route of school run, different timings, head phones, A Very Important Phone Call etc.

I do feel for you - its a very tricky one!

Oh that's ok, you won't mind me telling you to fuck off then' would be my response @ GetOutMyCar

I would always be busy/going somewhere else/in a rush/totally unenthusiastic to see her, basically avoid her. I would go slightly early in the mornings. Get slightly later (few minutes in the evenings) and if she berates you again, say, 'its got nothing to do with you' or something along those lines.

I have said 'why are you being so rude?' Before which actually did make the person reflect a bit so maybe try that instead of 'did you mean to be so rude?'.

Have to say it took a bit of gall but I couldn't have missed what the person said as that would have annoyed me more!

I'm filing that response away for later use Patchouli666

Not sure why the op should get saddled with sharing the school run just to avoid someone else. You need to toughen up a bit, just walk away, call her on the rudeness or headphones may be your best bet