AIBU to send DS in Non-uniform?

[ABitCrapReally]

DS has started reception this year. He loves school and so far I've been equally happy with the way things are done.
He's an average student (I believe), he's never going to be top of the class, but that's fine with me.
The children are awarded 'house points' for academic or sporting achievements etc.
Yesterday's parent mail says children who have 25 or more house points may wear non-uniform on the last day of term before Christmas 'as a treat'.
I'm really, really pissed off with this idea. DS may or may not reach the 25 house points, but if he doesn't would I be unreasonable to send him in non-uniform anyway?
He already is aware that he has less points than others and it does upset him a bit (but I tell him that's life and you can't always be the best/top)
I just think making it so obvious who the 'achievers' are is just rubbing it in to be honest.

YABU. Many independent schools rank kids in every subject every week and the list is made public in school corridors so everyone can see. If your DS has fewer than 25 points, he does not need to feel "sh*t" for the whole day, exactly because you have explained to him that you cannot win everything. But he should not go in non-uniform. You could also explain it to him that if he puts in more effort, he may win the "prize" next term.

RebelRogue Yep, absolutely.

Why can't you just go in and ask for clarification of the system and what you can do to help?

Simples.

Meh. Taking the long view reward schemes are all pretty poor - they never suit all children and are never fair.

I happen to have had a well behaved eldest. At the age of 4 she stomped out of school under a little black cloud because boy x had " got a sticker for not hitting today and I never hit no body , not never , and I didn't get a sticker " .

She was right ....

Oh Helenlovsrob... Really? If you see that as 'unfair' then you've never met a child with real issues. Maybe you could have used that as an opportunity to inform your little one about people's varying needs and maybe not being a brat? For some children not hitting someone is a HUGE and long fought for battle. That should be rewarded as much as perfect spelling or being a perfect princess at all times...

The brat is now 23 and got it very quickly don't worry :)

They do get it quickly, Helenluvsrob. By year 2 I heard stuff like "X must have been terrible last week, they got star of the week today". But not in reception, so for the few who cotton on you have to decide. Do you say "don't worry darling, 38 school weeks, 30 children, you ALL will be star for a week" or do you continue pretending that if only they are good enough their day will come?

This reminds me of my ds who is dyslexic never getting stars as they gave them mostly for spelling tests and he never got them all right. He spent a lot of time learning spellings but invariably forgot a few. My dd was in the same room in a small country school. She never took the spellings out of her bag, got them all right and clocked up stars. 10 stars was a night off homework. Homework for DS was a tortuous battle, dd could have done hers in her sleep. I begged teacher to introduce a new criteria for giving stars. In the classroom his line was obvious for all to see way behind everyone else but she hadn't thought to find areas of strength for him. I despair of teachers sometimes. Eventually she began to give him some for excellent knowledge of current affairs which he was a whizz kid in.
Don't let him in in no uniform but unless points are given for random achievements it's a horrible system.

How long ago was that, June? It's very different nowadays.

irrespective of rights and wrongs of system, will ur ds really be that upset on the day? If so, I'd be inclined to help him become more resilient.

I really wonder if we as parents have gone way too far in keeping our DC from anything 'bad' happening... I mean minor disappointments, setbacks etc such as this.

When you pick your kiddie up from school today you need to ask the teacher whether everyone will achieve the 25 points or not. I think you'll find it's a nod and a wink.

My son has similar with marbles in a jar. The whole school was doing pyjama day it for some reason his teacher told the kids hey had to get enough marbles in the jar. They were petrified of missing out and were probably the best behaved class of all, but my son didn't believe me when I said the whole school are doing it regardless! It's probably just a stupid tool for compliance.

This is ridiculous.

I say this as an experienced head and a firm believer in competition, house points etc.

However, even the 'bad' kids get their day in the sun and no reward would be quite on this scale unless it were a very, very small percentage of the children who were allowed to wear mufty. Anything approaching 20% and it wouldn't happen. A PP mentioned the winning house. I'd have a think about this but it could perhaps be permissible as it's less of an individual thing. There are very interesting studies showing the increased bonds amongst the 'losing' team(s).

Many independent schools rank kids in every subject every week and the list is made public in school corridors so everyone can see

I call bullshit.

As a member of ISI (among others) I'm yet to experience this.

I'd ask school why they want to turn the school uniform into a dunce cap.

This.

They also need to think about the fact that they could be lining themselves up for disabiity discrimination accusations, given that kids with SEN and disabilities may well have more difficulty in clocking up points. There has to be a less divisive way of rewarding children.

I think you are unreasonable for writing your child off as a non achiever when he hasn't even got out of reception yet. Lots of kids go on to be world class thinkers after a slow start. If you don't have confidence in him, how the hell will he ever have confidence in himself. Maybe he will get the points he needs this time to go in non-uniform. If he doesn't, encourage him to believe that he has got it in him to do better next time. The capacity to learn is as much about believing you can do it as having natural talent. Give the kid a break!

Not read all the replies but perhaps school are intending this to be an incentive for all the children to be well behaved and try their hardest and are fully intending all children to earn 25 points by then?