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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to send DS in Non-uniform?

116 replies

ABitCrapReally · 22/11/2016 18:26

DS has started reception this year. He loves school and so far I've been equally happy with the way things are done.
He's an average student (I believe), he's never going to be top of the class, but that's fine with me.
The children are awarded 'house points' for academic or sporting achievements etc.
Yesterday's parent mail says children who have 25 or more house points may wear non-uniform on the last day of term before Christmas 'as a treat'.
I'm really, really pissed off with this idea. DS may or may not reach the 25 house points, but if he doesn't would I be unreasonable to send him in non-uniform anyway?
He already is aware that he has less points than others and it does upset him a bit (but I tell him that's life and you can't always be the best/top)
I just think making it so obvious who the 'achievers' are is just rubbing it in to be honest.

OP posts:
EweAreHere · 22/11/2016 18:54

Points should also be given for the things a previous poster has pointed out: kindness, helpfulness, taking responsibility for things unasked, etc

Original poster
ABitCrapReally · 22/11/2016 18:56

The system is, they are in colour teams. Red yellow, green, blue. They stay in this 'house' for their entire school career. Points are awarded on a individual basis mostly, (these are recorded in their individual diary) then tallied each week and the winning house gets a little plastic trophy on Friday assembly.

OP posts:
WLF46 · 22/11/2016 18:57

You just have to go along with it. The rules are there to reward the best pupils. The very fact he is upset that he might not reach 25 points might encourage him to try harder.

The school are trying to teach pupils that hard work means reward, that success means reward, that failure or a lack of inclination to succeed does not lead to the same reward.

It also demonstrates that even if someone tries their best, their best might simply not be good enough.

A good lesson for life. Imagine in a few years he is in desperate need of a job to feed his family (more cuts you see, Corbyn is still Labour leader in my vision of the future, the SNP have squeaked independence on the fourth referendum and the Tories are still in power, taking a certain enjoyment out of squeezing families harder even though the deficit is long paid off). It's your son versus one other candidate. Do you want him to think "oh well, who cares whether I turn up to the interview on time, looking like a tramp and smelling of Special Brew" - or do you want him to try his everything in his power to create a good impression?

babynumber3eek · 22/11/2016 18:58

As a teacher I would suggest that the number of children with less than 25 house points will be remarkably low (or none at all...). I suspect it's just to motivate the children somewhat. Whether you agree with it as a reward or not it will likely do just that for the children who will be monitoring their points keenly!

Floey · 22/11/2016 18:59

YABU. We give house points for kindness, hard work (regardless of results), tidying up ...oh so much more than academic/sporting achievement and I am sure this school is the same so stop being do mean spirited and entitled

Mypurplecaravan · 22/11/2016 19:00

He is a sensitive soul you say. So what do you think will happen if he has 20 points and goes to school in non uniform.

Do you think the other children will stand for it? Or do you think they will be out aged that he isn't paying by 'the rules' (no matter how arbitrary they may be).

I genuinely think that if you send him in non uniform if he hasn't 'earnt' it will do him more harm.

I wonder though if everyone in class will suddenly get a spate of points in the last week bringing them up to 25.

Chemicalrainbow · 22/11/2016 19:01

Why not call/email/speak briefly to the teacher to say he's worried he'll not get to 25 and is there anything you can help him to think about doing that will let him get more points? If nothing else it may draw their attention to him and remind the teacher to make sure he gets points if he deserves them. I should hope that any reception kid who is trying their best should reach the 25 points in time and the teacher should make sure that happens.

clumsyduck · 22/11/2016 19:01

Hmmm I think it's an odd way of the school doing things as creates a big seperation especially at such a young age !!

But I wouldn't think that points would just be for academic achievement for example ds gets them for being kind, good listening , being helpful etc

Sandsnake · 22/11/2016 19:02

This is unnecessary and divisive at this age. Especially as I should imagine who gets HPs is probably quite arbitrary, with some kids having their good needs noticed less than others. I wouldn't send him in non-uniform though, however I can see why you would be tempted.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 22/11/2016 19:03

I wouldn't do it. Your son may not be nearly as bothered as you think, and why risk antagonising his teacher and making yourself known as one of the 'awkward squad' parents at this very early stage?

katonic · 22/11/2016 19:04

Don't worry too much about it, I think it's a mainly a ploy by the teachers to motivate the kids to behave and try hard in the run up to Christmas when they are often exhausted. I think that pretty much all students will get the minimum number of points by the time the day rolls round....and I say this as a teacher!

PrettyBotanicals · 22/11/2016 19:05

Send him on a spa day?

Seriously, don't make him That Kid at his age. It's a lesson. You can let him know you're on his side and you don't think it's fair but publicly bucking the system makes you look a bit childish.

Original poster
ABitCrapReally · 22/11/2016 19:05

MypurpleCaravan that had crossed my mind. They may just give everyone a load of house points.
That is stupid too imo because it devalues the ones they did work for.
Floey I don't think I'm being 'mean spirited and entitled' because I don't want my 4 y/o to feel like shit for the day just for being average!

OP posts:
noblegiraffe · 22/11/2016 19:06

Ask his teacher what he can do between now and Xmas to get the required points instead of ignoring the points requirement and sending him in non-uniform.

Goosewings · 22/11/2016 19:06

Doesn't seem like a great system but it is what it is and ywbu to send him in non-uniform. I would tell him how proud you are if him and maybe buy him some new bright socks with his favourite character on and let him wear those to school as a reward from you.

Thingvellir · 22/11/2016 19:07

I agree with Chemical In R class, this type of points-based reward would usually be a target that they expect all of them to achieve based on good effort and behaviour, not ability. How do you know your DS wont make 25 points OP?

youarenotkiddingme · 22/11/2016 19:10

How many house ponys does your Ds have?

Because if most children have 20+ already and so are looking likely to get a non uniform day and your Ds has a good proportion less (and is the only student to do so) to be honest the problem is begged than what he wears on the last day.

Reward at this age should be against what a child can do and for personal acheivement. So even the student who's struggling with academics and/or behaviour should be rewarded when they manage to acheive.

In my Ds infants they had a cloud system. My Ds who has ASD was always going down for doing things he didn't understand but when he did something expected they refused to reward him "because he should be doing it" not ever really understanding he didn't understand the social norms so it was an acheivement for him.

I'd go in and see his teacher. Tell him/her that Ds is concerned and feels he's not getting as many house points as his peers and is likely to be the only one in uniform at the end of term party and can she confirm his take is true and what you can do to work together to make sure he is behaving well and feeling valued.

It got to the point my Ds just felt it didn't matter what he did he always got into trouble - and that just caused more issues.

wtffgs · 22/11/2016 19:10

That's horrible! Who does that to Reception kids?

Is it fee paying? I don't think it sounds very nurturing TBH.

SEsofty · 22/11/2016 19:12

Bet everyone gets 25 points by the end of the year

orangeyellowgreen · 22/11/2016 19:14

What has happened to schools that children of four are divided into sheep and goats, academic or not, successful or failures?
Why are they being awarded points which say, "you're good but the next child isn't " and taught that life is a ceaseless hard slog?
Do these schools aim for a generation of little robots, programmed to score top marks from the first week in reception?

Trifleorbust · 22/11/2016 19:14

Special prizes are for special achievement - they're not entitlements. It's not a punishment to not win a prize. If he is average, that's fine but he shouldn't grow up thinking average achievement will be praised to the same extent as exceptional achievement. I can't believe there are people suggesting to the OP that she should be complaining that her son doesn't get enough points.

Mazzystarlett · 22/11/2016 19:15

I don't think you need to worry too much, I suspect points will suddenly appear quite quickly. My lad is never going to be top of the class either, but he's never missed out on any of these things yet.

GreenTureen · 22/11/2016 19:16

Do you think the other children will stand for it? Or do you think they will be out aged that he isn't paying by 'the rules'

This, too. Don't underestimate the other 4 year olds. Some won't care, some will be furious that your son is cheating and getting a reward he didn't earn - it will be worse for your ds in the long run.

paxillin · 22/11/2016 19:16

It depends. If all of them are expected to get to 25, fine. If only 3 per class do, fine, too. If only 5 per class don't get 25, it's bad.

They might as well give out dunce caps.

GreenTureen · 22/11/2016 19:18

What has happened to schools that children of four are divided into sheep and goats, academic or not, successful or failures?

Hmm It's a reward system. I'd be surprised if any school doesn't use one of some kind.

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