AIBU to send DS in Non-uniform?

[ABitCrapReally]

DS has started reception this year. He loves school and so far I've been equally happy with the way things are done.
He's an average student (I believe), he's never going to be top of the class, but that's fine with me.
The children are awarded 'house points' for academic or sporting achievements etc.
Yesterday's parent mail says children who have 25 or more house points may wear non-uniform on the last day of term before Christmas 'as a treat'.
I'm really, really pissed off with this idea. DS may or may not reach the 25 house points, but if he doesn't would I be unreasonable to send him in non-uniform anyway?
He already is aware that he has less points than others and it does upset him a bit (but I tell him that's life and you can't always be the best/top)
I just think making it so obvious who the 'achievers' are is just rubbing it in to be honest.

If you really want to do something,have a chat to the teacher and find out on what basis the points are awarded. I doubt it's only academic and sports achievements,as they're pretty hard to come by in reception. There should also be points for working hard(not getting it right but trying),good listening/sitting/lining up,kindness,respect etc. There should also be opportunities to earn points as a class,so for example everyone lining up,being quiet in assembly,behaving on a school trip etc.We had a new kid start last week,he already has 19 points.

They're doing this in reception? WTF. They're so little. I'm amazed they give such a big (and potentially divisive) reward for the sake of bloody house points.

What if only 1 kid got less than 25 points? How weird would it be that 1 kid was in uniform and everyone else wasn't? It's not just a reward for those who got enough points...it's a punishment for those who didn't. Doesn't sit well with me at all.

Last day of term, everyone should be going in in non-uniform if they want to do a non-uniform day.

I don't know what I'd do (need to give it some thought) but I'd be seriously annoyed with this and YANBU.

Thanks, it's pretty unanimous that YES IBU.
I go with the schools decision.
Like I said, I'm fine with him being 'just OK' that's who is and I love him for it.
I'll just make sure he knows how much he's valued and loved by the people who matter.
He's 4 ffs he has maybe another 80 years or so to learn life lessons. Sigh.

There is lots and lots of evidence that extrinsic rewards systems don't work. Kids work for the prize / points rather than for the intrinsic pleasure of doing well / being kind.

These kind of behaviour management systems are always a nightmare - to administer, to make fair, to allow for kids with issues.

What if you get a point for winning a race? What about the kid in a wheelchair, or with asthma? Far better to praise effort, not reward achievement.

OP. Not sure what I would do.

Ask them if they have read Carol Dweck?

NOW you're being unreasonable. It is only you OP who us applying the cut throat motivation to this situation. House points are given like smarties in a positive fashion. They'll all have 25 house points. And of course your special snowflake will know how loved and appreciated he is... I suspect his teachers also tell him likewise - schools aren't there to teach horrible 'life is shit' lessons to children. Get a rather large grip.

The teacher will make sure that everyone has 25 housepoints by the last day of term.

It's just an incentive because the children don't know that. And neither do the parents clearly

Would be shocked if anyone was left out.

Oh and ignore the advice to go and ask the teacher what he can do to earn the housepoints. He will know exactly what he has to do, the teacher will be looking out for him to do anything she can reward and you won't be there to follow him around at school and point him in the right direction.

Believe me, "I'm looking to see who I can give housepoints to..." is a well worn phrase in school. It's designed to motivate children not punish them.

Honestly, I do wonder sometimes at what some people really think goes on in schools. Anyone would think we spend our days plotting ways of damaging little Tommy's self esteem.

WeAreUgly I think OP might benefit from knowing the various ways her child can earn points,rather that sticking to her conviction that they are just for academic or sports achievements,and her doing "just OK" son has no chance of reaching reward "targets".

Bloody Hell, OP.

Can I hand you that grip? Do you have a clue how your child's teacher feels about the children in his/her class? We love them. All of them. We don't always like every aspect of every single child we ever teacher. But your son will absolutely be valued and loved by his teacher and TA.

HP are not awarded for intellectual ability or being top of the class. They're rewarded for trying hard, following the rules, being kind, tidying up a mess you didn't make, standing in the line quietly, sitting on the carpet attentively, doing their best, helping out another child in distress... to be honest, when I think of all the things I give HPs out for, if I wasn't able to give your child 25 between now and Christmas, then he wouldn't deserve to come into school in his own clothes on the last day!!

If you think it's only the brightest, top of the class children who get awarded HP, then how do you account for all the children with SEN who will reach the 25 target?

It's to give them a sense of achievement and success, to let them know that their efforts are recognised and rewarded.

Well timed X post!!

This segregation style reward scheme rather than motivating children can be very demoralising. Non uniform days should be across board for all children.

Things were a lot simpler in reception year in dds school with rewards becoming more individual as the children progress further up the school. Now in yr4, dd tells me there are daily individual rewards and rewards for the best table. Throughout the school, there is the possibly to earn certificates and all children get at least one certificate in a scholastic year. Some are easier than others to get.

I'd complain about this. It seems ridiculous and very black and white. I would also be fuming about children getting FOOD as a reward, which is an absolute no no.

That is stupid too imo because it devalues the ones they did work for.

Whereas sending him in non-uniform doesn't devalue the work of the ones who did get 25 house points?

Erm, okay

OP, you say they get given house points for academic, sporting achievements ETC. I think the emphasis is possibly on the 'etc' here. I bet the teachers also give out house points for all sorts of other things (being extra helpful, drawing a nice picture, being particularly kind when another child is upset etc, plus probably academic progress, not just level of achievement). I find it hard to believe it's really solely on academic and sporting achievement at that age. If this is the case then very much YABU because your son is probably just as capable of earning house points as anyone else and would probably like to be rewarded for it when he does.

And whoever said that wearing your own clothes being a treat means the uniform is crap... what a load of absolute rubbish!

Ok, lets play a bit a of 'what if?'
Everyone gets house points for turning up awake and dressed, double if you know your own name. Most children (including my 'special snowflake') get well over 25 points.
5 do not. Is that still Ok?

Btw how many points does your son have already ?

There will not be 5 who don't. What on earth do you think schools are like? In your mind presumably the teachers are sat in the staff room laughing at the kids who don't... Get real! House ppints are dished out for rewards for all manner of behavioural and academic reasons. Even children who aren't academic will be given them for good bits of work FOR THEM! THey aren't rationed and neither will they be used to exclude. It's like catnip to primary children, they will do anything to earn one and knowing they need 25 will just motivate them. They will ALL get over 25 and then the staff will enjoy praising them for how wonderful they've been in ALL getting over 25. No one will be laughing at the kid in the corner in his uniform because he won't be there! I reiterate that you need to get a grip.

What a strange thing for the school to do.

It's making an example out of children who have haven't reached the required points for whatever reason.

I wouldn't be happy.

5 do not. Is that still Ok?

There won't be 5 who don't, that's the point. There won't be a single child who misses out. Every single one of them will be celebrated for being able to wear their own clothes on the last day. Do you think the teachers are inhuman, or something? Do you actually think that the school would allow 5 children to miss out?

Seriously. It's to focus the children on still doing the right thing during the craziest, busiest, most exciting half term of the year when they can go a bit bonkers. It's to keep their eye on the prize so the teacher can say, "Oh my goodness, there are going to be so many people wearing their own clothes on the last day! How exciting! Shall we see if we can get everyone in their own clothes!" If there are any children who are struggling a bit with behaviour, then the others will rally round to 'help' them.

And seriously, ignore the suggestion to go in and complain. They will literally be pissing themselves laughing between the eye rolls if you go in to complain about the positive behaviour management strategies they use.

I'd love to know how all these people who know better than the schools/teachers propose that the behaviour of 30 children in a class or 400 children in a school should be managed.

Yes, it is okay for 5 children to be in uniform. The only time I would argue it was not okay would be if it left one child singled out on his/her own. Otherwise it is just a reward they haven't earned for whatever reason

And I strongly suspect the teacher will make sure there isn't such a situation anyway.

And just to add - of anyone tells you that your child is/is not academic in Reception then just laugh at them. Get rid of your own notions regarding this too. Reception isn't an academic hot house. Children who are 4/5 are not ready to be labelled as academic or not - even by their parents 😉

If... bloody phone!

babynumber3eek, I don't think anyone is listening.

Non-uniform day a REWARD? In bloody RECEPTION?

What sort of nonsense is that?
Of course, changing schools for a non uniform day is bonkers, but i'd seriously doubt if the quality of teaching is adequate.

Weareugly you're wrong. I am listening to babynumber3. I sincerely hope she is correct and I'm worrying about nothing.