Aibu to expect people to help themselves in their own lives?

[Lazymazy1]

Have wanted to be a social worker for many years, have a degree and was looking to do a MSc.
However, doing voluntary work with a family who are in a very chaotic position, who won't help themselves, ie getting pregnant again whilst effectively homeless. Not taking control of things which will make a big difference in their current situation.

It isn't a case of can't, but won't help themselves, perhaps ingrained.

Am I being unreasonable ? Or are there good reasons why people just won't help themselves?

OP as a social worker, I would be sad to hear those kind of opinions from a social worker. When applying for social work, if the university got a sense that this was your opinion, you would not be offered a place.

Studying social work, and being a social worker, is difficult undertaking. I suggest you read up about the social work theories of Anti-Oppressive Practice and Anti-Discriminatory Practice, which are key to social work practice. Briefly, these theories are based on the ideas that someone's circumstances are affected by the wider societal factors, and the discrimination they have faced. This is a good, brief summary of social work theory. www.open.edu/openlearn/health-sports-psychology/social-care/social-work/introduction-social-work/content-section-1.2 I can assure you it is NEVER just as straightforward as someone 'not helping themselves'

Portia, don't be sorry, she's happy and well looked after and safe :) and 17 today!
It was very difficult being so young and being judged so heavily. I do wonder if I could do some kind of advocacy role to help. I know we were given a portage worker who gave me a bit of confidence back (whilst I was already pregnant with my second) )

I had DS at 15-- two months away from my 16th birthday. I was judged and I am still being judged to this day. Some social workers admired the fact that I was looking after DS, who has special needs as well as continuing on with my education, thought I still felt belittled. Mind you, it was young parents who had their kids at 18 + that judged me the most.

No way did I have DS cause I wanted to have someone to love or get a council flat ! I didn't even want to have kids... I remember saying to my friend at the age of 13 that I will have kids once my life was over. Well that didn't work out...

People have lots of valid reasons, but I think a lot of it (addiction aside) stems from their own childhood. What you view as chaos someone else might view as completely normal, because they were brought up that way.

There was a documentary about a "families in crisis" team (can't remember the actual name) but basically it was a team of social-worker types who were trying to support families so that their children did not go into care. One family had a very dirty house, dog's dirt in every room, soaked mattresses, rotten food embedded into carpets etc. The children were left alone in a room for long periods of time whilst the parents played X box. They couldn't wake up in the morning to get breakfast for the children. They couldn't see that any of these things were a problem. Her mother came around to visit and she was complaining about the "busy-body SW's with nowt better to do" She said she was raised this way, so couldn't see a problem either. Sadly behaviour often breeds behaviour.

I can't help thinking that if more people in caring professions told people like this the truth, we'd all be better off.

as though nobody has ever criticised them for their life choices? I grew up surrounded by people making their lives chaotic and I assure you, adding more 'truth' to the pile won't help the majority.

OP there is a blog by a chap called Winston Smith who wrote about what it's really like to work with troubled youth as a social worker. He hated it and has left the sector altogether. Think he called it Working With the Underclass.

"Winston Smith" lol

I think it takes a really exceptional personality to be a social worker. I thought about it when I was younger but quickly came to realise I had neither the resilience nor the compassion to do it (because I too would have been "ffs why are you having another baby?" type op). One of my best friends is a senior social worker in child protection. He is just an amazing bloke.

If you feel that other people should do things your way or have urges to tell people what to do then please do not become a social worker. You will not be a very good one you will also be likely to end up as one of them who is at risk more when working in the comunity.
It is not about handing solutions on a plate because doing so is nothing more than a sticking plaster it is about helping them to work out the soloution themselves.

The problem you have when judging people you have to assist is that it instantly places them and you at a disadvantage, you because you will be far to busy writing them off to actually do your job (even if you think you won't) and them because they will not actually get the help you are meant to give. It is a huge huge barrier to social workers and quite a shame because otherwise quite professional ones who on paper look fantastic make massive fuck ups and its solely down to that aspect of humanity.

The other bit that you may struggle with is the whole "won't somebody think of the kiddies" thing. In real life the only social workers I have ever come across who use that line (and then quite dramatically make no apology for it) are shite ones it's a thought process that often leads to misrepresentation and less than honest interactions with parents and children. Safeguarding is not and never should be about 'anything is ok in the name of child protection' because it's not.

What welsh said is very much on the ball

Oh dear calling people underclass is dreadful

Just for the record, my ex's best friend is a Youth Worker and Winston Smith's 'blog' is a bit of a joke amongst him and his colleagues. They tend to view him as a bit of a tosser with no self-awareness.

Serious question. By most accounts, social workers are significantly overworked, have far heavier case loads than they really should, and many leave or have to take sick leave through the stress of all this. Is it more acceptable to carry on in that position than it is to take on people who are not completely in line with the ideal social worker profile?

So the posters who state I'm judgemental, non empathetic, lack compassion etc.
Where do the children fit in all this? When does the pattern break from one generation to another. The children are being failed but the parents won't attend the parenting course etc to ensure their kids won't be taken into care.

It all seems to be about the parent who won't do something that is fundamentally required. What about the child? what about the child?

If it's not challenged why the parents aren't doing what is needed then when will it ever change? Do you think it shouldn't change?

Thank you to all posters I appreciate the viewpoints.

Portia though - really, nobody is judging you !!!

And finally , can't see anyone judging disabled / additional needs children pp

It depends how you are viewing the outcome amature

You are clueless OP. And hopelessly naive.

And have a potentially dangerous attitude to client confidentiality. I'd suggest you have this sort of discussion with your supervisor.

needs
Please elaborate re ' what about the kiddies' ?

I get where you're coming from OP.

lazy. Very early on in my experience, I referred to A as "my social worker". She gently reminded me she wasn't 'my' social worker, but my DS's. So yes, the job is about the children (if that's the area you are working in). I don't think you lack empathy and your curiosity about understanding the role bodes well. Slightly generalising here, but I think there is often a mis-match of interests between SS and other support offered - there was, in my case, a lack of communication with the alcohol services I was working with and SS themselves. That needs to be improved upon .

I can't help thinking that if more people in caring professions told people like this the truth, we'd all be better off. So many families who are state dependent know their rights but are less clear on their responsibilities and need to be told! I suspect you'd get sacked but, jeez I wish more social workers were like you!

I agree

"Do you think it shouldn't change?"
Don't be silly.

What's your idea? What do you think should happen?

Sorry if I'm waffling here but I don't think there is a 'personality type' for social work. I had three. The first was the 'nicest' and the most sympathetic - however, she failed to get the support I needed. The second, 'A', was as hard as nails. As I got to know her, she explained she was widowed at twenty eight. She started her career in Liverpool and there were occasions when she had been threatened with her life. The third was a middle-aged student; lovely lady but she was only involved after DS was returned to me.

'A' was a tough cookie and didn't deal in bullshit. However, she was the one who helped the most (and she had suggested DS be put up for adoption when she first took on my case). When my son was returned, not long before Christmas, she sent me a card informing me that in 2012, 102 children were taken into foster care in my county, and only two were returned to their parents. She wasn't the least bit touchy-freely, so it meant quite a lot. I don't think you have to be huggy, or emotional to be a social worker - you just have to be aware of the potential for change.

A sounds very cool

But if we were realistic about peoples potential for change we could focus resources more successfully. 2 out of 102, all of whom will have had extensive and expensive support is a pretty rubbish result and does rather suggest that it might be more efficient to simply keep all the children in care and save all the money that was spent on 'support' for very little change.

She was alright, eye - bit scary at first but I think she understood me and knew I wanted out of my addiction.

Maybe I should train to be a sw afterall 😉
Tbh , I'm too straight talking and to come face to face with excuses after excuses would actually drive me mad.
Wish I saw this 20 years ago.

I just kept thinking of the children- Shame on me.