Aibu to expect people to help themselves in their own lives?

[Lazymazy1]

Have wanted to be a social worker for many years, have a degree and was looking to do a MSc.
However, doing voluntary work with a family who are in a very chaotic position, who won't help themselves, ie getting pregnant again whilst effectively homeless. Not taking control of things which will make a big difference in their current situation.

It isn't a case of can't, but won't help themselves, perhaps ingrained.

Am I being unreasonable ? Or are there good reasons why people just won't help themselves?

Yep, the advice you have been receiving is spot on: please choose a different career and do yourself and families in need a favour.

I follow the Humans of New York page for the snapshots into other people's lives. This post from there yesterday was especially poignant.

“I grew up in the suburbs. I used to think that I could write a prescription for a poor man: ‘Get a job, save your money, pull yourself up by the bootstraps.’ I don’t believe that anymore. I was ignorant to the experiences of poor people. I’d invite anyone to come and meet the people who live in this neighborhood. Right now we are surrounded by working poor people. These are the people who sell your tools at Sears, and fix your roofs, and take care of your parents, and mow your lawns, and serve your meals. They’re not getting a living wage. There’s no money left to save. There’s nothing left if they get sick. Nothing left if their car breaks down. And God forbid they make a mistake, because there’s nothing left to pay fines or fees. When you’re down here, the system will continue to kick dirt in your face. You can’t pull yourself up when there’s nothing to grab onto. We aren’t paying our brothers and sisters enough to live. We want them to serve us, but we aren’t serving them.”

I though that summed things up very well because EVERYTHING is harder if you are poor. Most people get by in one form or another but it isn't surprising that some go under and never recover.

Very long thread so I've only read approximately half of it. OP you sound very much like the sort of social worker I'd want in my life if it had to happen as I also put my child first and strive to be independent so would take all the help I could get to achieve that goal.

A minority of people will always make stupid decisions and there are a myriad of reasons why. I'd guess the top of the pile lies the lack of a good role model. These people DO exist and resources are limited. It is not a SW's fault if they can't or won't completely restyle every single thing which led to a person needing help. The best they can do is deal with the outcome.

The way I see it is that working with people who do want to help themselves is likely to be a more rewarding experience for the OP, and so finding an organisation which does that could be the way to go. No idea if the pay is any good, mind.

For those others who are more awkward to deal with, there will be another SW who can take it on.

Not every SW is the same, and more's the pity imo as I imagine they are switched around often and consistency isn't provided. (I can only base this on my experience as a support worker involved in meetings with SW's)

I completely agree that it takes a certain sort of person to be a SW - there's no way in hell I could suppress feelings of frustration, sorrow, anger, anguish and all the others that come and concentrate at the same time.

But those that can need not be soppy sods in their approach to the work either. How is anyone to gain strength from that?

OP, I agree with others who have said it'd be better if you concentrated on working within a niche department with a clear objective where other SW's have referred the service users already so you have little to do with the circumstances which brought them there. Perhaps CPS is the one.

....and yeah, whoever said that HA's give out free appliances is living in cloud cuckoo land. HA's as a social housing landlord might be able to source secondhand stuff for someone in need. But they won't give awY brand new stuff unless. It was already in the property and the previous tenant has said they will gift it to the next tenant.

Alfie, you are wrong. Around here in the new build council homes you can choose three items from a list of large furniture goods or white goods. They also fitted heat exchangers to reduce utility bills, rainwater collection schemes including water butts, and large garden sheds for tenants' own goods and general storage. One bizarre thing they didn't do in those houses was fit any flooring, which seems a bit strange and one would think that would be more important than the furniture stuff which you could get via Freecycle, but hey ho.

BTW Alfie, also, when I was on the board of a large HA in London we certainly gave out washer dryers and fridge freezers from time to time, especially if a shared ownership property wasn't selling fast enough for our liking. We had a special marketing budget for this.

In new builds, we also fitted basic curtain rails, shower rails over the bath and plain white simple shower curtains for tenants, so that their houses were completely plug and play when they moved in. All bedrooms had large fitted wardrobes with rails and shelves. Each flat or house had a coat cupboard with a rail too. There were decent fan ovens in all the properties as well, so literally the only thing you would need to do was acquire a fridge if we hadn't supplied one, and unpack your stuff.

Lazy. Your last post has almost made me think you're trolling. That's how poorly you're coming across here.

Everyone has explained laboriously why people can't just "pull themselves up" but you're not listening.

No one is made in isolation. Everyone is a product (or "victim" if you like) of society.

You will be a truly horrifying social worker and for the first time I have genuine pity for those who face them.

Are you talking about rental properties or shared ownership Boffin?

www.google.co.uk/url?sa=t&source=web&cd=12&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=0ahUKEwjwtdXp49LQAhWaHsAKHbqDAYQQFghGMAs&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.lifecoachexpert.co.uk%2Ftakingresponsibilityyouractions.html&usg=AFQjCNExe4NhM8_cgimFSLEqXRnnqRM0OA

( sorry don't know how to minimise the link)
But this is what I'm trying to say.

People have reasons for making decisions in their lives. But doesn't mean they shouldn't take responsibility for those decisions. External locus of control. It doesn't help.

The previous poster who wrote about the alcoholic and when the child was taken away - SS ruined 2 lIves. Not taking responsibility and will continue to make the same decision over and over.

Nonsense.
It is not always possible to rise above your circumstance, especially at intersection of inequalities, such as being a carer, not having access to transport, no support, your own MH issue, low income, caring 24 hours...plus benefit scrounger judgments and NEW external locus of control label.

You actually have tunnel vision, and your problem is, you think that you are right.
You need to be aware of your own judgments that will stop you helping people.

The undeserving poor.

Wow using a LIFE COACH as an example? You do know that life coaches rarely have any real qualifications or real life experience? Are usually from upper middle class backgrounds and have never faced any of the challenges the poor do?

Boffin - where is 'round here' it sounds like an amazing (mythical?) place.

I see flaws in the material you linked to, Lazy. The article does not take into account the fact that sometimes outside influences remove your ability to take control.

I absolutely agree there are people who like to blame anyone and anything other than themselves, but I believe that society as a whole and local communities makes a bigger impression than it seems on an individual and the groups they belong to.

For instance who would willingly bust a gut working a 40 hour week and run a house and deal with the kids at daycare age when at the end of it they're no better off or even worse off than if they'd just stayed at home on benefits? I would take the benefits and pursue other interests. Yeah, sure, it's frowned upon to nab off the government but frankly they deserve it. If they want people back at work more quickly then they need to sort out free childcare.

At what age are you expected to take responsibility? 18? I would consider that too young. Aren't most still living under the rule of their parents?

I do agree that people can't blame SS for problems of their own making, but nobody ever wanted to have problems, nobody ever WANTS the SS sticking its oar in but for one reason or another it has to be accepted that shit happens and you can either help and keep your judgments hidden (although of course impart the useful advice) or go in a different direction and let someone else handle it.

Thing is, OP, I think if you CAN do the former you'd be a really valuable person to have onside.

The government clearly doesn't expect 18yos to be responsible for themselves, given that it insists on taking parental income into account when assessing loan amounts for university students.

They're happy just as long as they're not expected to do anything.

Lazy the reason you want to be a social worker is so you can lord it over people you feel superior to.

My DH has a condition that will eventually kill him. He is 66 23 years my senior. He has a review appointment with our Virgin Care surgery next week. Im worried sick they are going to find a way to cut corners on his meds.

You have no idea what families and carers face. How are ppl supposed to take responsibility for illness exactly.

And is there a social worker module on domestic abuse If not there should be because you badly need to study it I have a nasty suspicion you would be a victim blamer in this kind of situation.

I remember when my dd was a baby and sometimes I would find her very frustrating. I realised that anyone who didn't have what I had (economic security, a happy childhood, support from friends and family) could all too easily get tipped over the edge.

OP, not only do you not have empathy, you have no imagination.

The law is all over the place in terms of legal age of criminality, consent etc but why cant children take responsibility for their own actions, I'm obv talking about small things. If they make a choice, they have the free will to do this , they learn there are consequences. Their actions are their doing, not society, not their parents.

And responsibility doesn't mean blame.

helena not sure you could have got me any more wrong actually but hey Ho.

I could give loads of examples

My husband blamed being stressed/ tired/ill for being horrid to me and the kids. Only when he took ownership of his behaviour did he change.

It's hardly just Helena it's most pps on the thread!

And now you're saying CHILDREN should be completely responsible for their actions! DO NOT go into child welfare in any way please.

Dear god.

Seriously - to the social workers on this thread, is this the norm? Do you actually work with people like this?

I've always (naively) assumed social workers know what they're doing and have rigorous training and a professional level of understanding.

I don't know if I could in all good faith say "trust your social worker" again if they're generally like this.

I don't think OP could be a social worker.
I did my bachelors on a course that is a pathway to social work and the highest achieving student (got a first) was rejected for social work on interview. They told her they wanted the best of the best.

Another (with 2:1) is undertaking masters in the subject.
The one with 2:1 does not have calloused attitudes toward people and was accepted.

Princess read the thread. I'm not a social worker.