Aibu to expect people to help themselves in their own lives?

[Lazymazy1]

Have wanted to be a social worker for many years, have a degree and was looking to do a MSc.
However, doing voluntary work with a family who are in a very chaotic position, who won't help themselves, ie getting pregnant again whilst effectively homeless. Not taking control of things which will make a big difference in their current situation.

It isn't a case of can't, but won't help themselves, perhaps ingrained.

Am I being unreasonable ? Or are there good reasons why people just won't help themselves?

Friendofbill. I want to add you as a friend in my life

friend
Can you see it from someone else's pov , those who work full time, managing the house, the children, the childcare, the days when they're poorly. To still have to pay the rent, to not be in a much better position to those who are at home.

You make it sound terrible - at home with two children, no job ( which could be her choice - we don't know) living in a brand new house. It's perspective isn't it?

Nobody knows if this was her plan - if it was , do you think everyone has a choice to live how they like regardless of consequences for society?

Friendofbill well said! (And more articulate than my 'I call bullshit' thought).

I have never, on here or in real life, when I've asked the people claiming they know people that ids and similar claim are out there, when I've asked them to prove the facts they claim to 'know' had them respond with facts proving it to be the case.

DLA is NOT easy to get, no benefits are, neither is social housing or appliances etc.

Graphista, come off it. Everyone knows you just have to quit your jobs and tell the council which house you'd like. They throw in two free cars if you ask extra nicely. My neighbour got a yacht!

Meanwhile only naice middle class people can time their children so that they get the early years out in one go. Otherwise it's a planned conspiracy to leach the state dry.

FriendofBill
That's why these people are needed

gingerbread.org.uk/content/2121/Benefit-changes-for-single-parents

I can see it from the position you outlined Lazymazy, as that is my position.

I'm not going to bitch about my fellows because they got a bit of sustenance from the state. I'm glad the children have the basics. A parent, a roof, a washing machine, transport.

I hope they grow up to feel like the worthy valuable humans that they are.

This may have been shared already, but for those who haven't seen it, I think it's quite apt on a plate

Princess of course

Plus 'my wallets too small for my fifties and my diamond shoes are too tight'

As I said - I've never seen any evidence of these ludicrous claims.

Excellent link stereolab I'm saving it for future discussions like this.

WOW I need to contact my HA in the morning and claim on the 3 washing machines ive purchased in the time ive lived here

HAs do not give out free appliances. Although i know someone who did get a freebie from them.

It was a water feature when dodgy workmen flooded her out TWICE.

The flat below her were "pleased" with their share of said freebie too.

There are tenants going weeks and months without heating and yet ppl still peddle shitty classist myths about HA tenants getting freebies.

And OP i was going to say you shouldnt become a social worker but actually i think you should. Ive seen teachers posting on here about how poorer kids should just go to the library and do their homework because the internet is a luxury they shouldnt have. So there are plenty of people doing jobs they shouldnt be. You wont be the first.

And a lot of women dont choose to be pregnant Reproductive coercion as part of domestic abuse is more common than you think.

Im not a parent btw. Im childfree by choice. But im also a feminist and im pig sick of these assumptions about women.

" She's been given a brand new council house, free bed, sofa, washing machine, "

sorry 'boffinmum' but that is bollocks.

If she was 'given' a council house it is because she was in need of housing.

Who gave her a free bed and a washing machine? because it certainly was not the council or the HA. so please stop spouting nonsense.
There are charities that help with white goods for people in need yes. So what?

Myth busters

www.york.ac.uk/research/themes/social-housing-stereotypes/

Ok doof thanks will do

Ok so give up then, you come from a poor background so in fact you will never ever amount to anything. This comic is hideous, smacks of people giving into stereotypes of other people's judgement. You keep believing this shit and you will never get anywhere. Or fight, make positive choices. Stop making excuses and take responsibility.

We have dealt with people who genuinely can't, but not everyone can't do this .

Lazy who is that post aimed at.

So you've learnt nothing from this thread then op.

Bloody hard to 'fight' when you get the ladder pulled from under you every time you try. Plus not everyone has it in them to 'fight' or we are fighting - it just isn't visible as I and another pp said before.

If you're referring to the cartoon did you completely miss the point of the kid born into a better off family having better opportunities etc NOT GETTING how good he had it? That he in fact DID get his life handed to him on a plate?

The woman in the strip amounted to something...she supported herself through her education, she was a carer and appeared to be hard working but had to make some poor financial decisions as there was no other option.

'Richard' from the affluent background did not have to work as hard, and had good connections in the workplace. Nepotism.

What is the lazy stereotype?
You are saying exactly what Richard says in the final frames.

It is actually based in fact.
I posted a link up thread that proves it.
If you would care to stop your lazy stereotyping and look at the research.

This is a good one.
If you are wealthy that is.

Where did you get that graph?

www.instituteofhealthequity.org/projects/fair-society-healthy-lives-the-marmot-review/fair-society-healthy-lives-executive-summary.pdf

Lazy-Hmm, I don't think the comic strip depicts a stereotype. People starting out with fewer privileges are afforded fewer opportunities and choices in life, or at the very least their opportunities are far harder to come by. That's a fact.

Thanks

Oh dear Lazymazy1, not only do you not have a clue, but you don't want to have a clue.

My pp was aimed at anyone who thinks they are a victim of society.

You are talking about class and social mobility now. More difficult to climb, but not impossible.

The majority get an education, the stressed teacher with 30 kids , but does that mean that those on private schools are the only ones who do well?
Of course not.
The decisions you make are down to you, not society. This thread has talked about the many different reasons people make decisions, both invisible and obvious, but, that person has made the decision because of circumstance, not society.

I come from a( very) low income , single parent family, yet I got on. If I hadn't it would have been my responsibility, my decision making. Not society.

My cousin who did go to private school with very privileged background, is not high flying success everyone thought she would be , down to her decisions no one else's.

Take responsibility for your own actions, only then can things change , ( if you want them to)

Wow atenco is right

You cannot empathise at all