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AIBU?

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Original poster

Jokes about Menopause....

71 replies

Crowdblundering · 21/11/2016 09:19

Not sure if I am being a bit precious.

I am 41 I have almost grown up children and happily entering next stage of my life.

Every time I merely mention being hot in the office (we have really dodgy heating at work) my boss (nearly 60 yr old women) makes jokes about it being "that time of life" or similar - which TBH I find really offensive and fucking tedious.

On top of this there is another lady in our office who is a year younger than me who has just moved in with her partner and hopes to start a family.

So do I carry on smiling and nodding or tell her she's out of line?

OP posts:
ChuckGravestones · 21/11/2016 09:22

'You mean that the heater has got to that time of its life and is not regulating properly, yes you may well be right - ha ha - incredibly hilare.'

MatildaTheCat · 21/11/2016 09:28

Open the window and wear layers? Then you won't have to mention how hot you are.

Wait until the real thing comes along. You aren't hot, you are on fucking fire. Wink

Original poster
Crowdblundering · 21/11/2016 09:34

I know - I need to find a decent response but am rather crap sometimes Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
Crowdblundering · 21/11/2016 09:36

If I open the window silently it gets mentioned too.

Maybe I'll have another child and take a year off to prove to her I am in fact still fertile Grin

OP posts:
pinkiepink · 21/11/2016 18:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NoahVale · 21/11/2016 18:16

I am hot stuff.

just say that.

SailingThroughTime · 21/11/2016 18:24

Honestly YANBU.
Some menopausal/post-menopausal women are our own worst enemies. I'm doing a postgrad diploma/Masters course part time alongside my job and the 2 main lecturers (1 slightly older than me and 1 the same age) frequently refer to being forgetful/dotty because of the menopause. I've known them both for years in different contexts and they've always been the same!
It's hard enough post 50 to get taken seriously as a woman with a career that you want to progress, without other women (and it's never the men or the younger women IME) feeding into the idea that once you're menopausal you've basically had it.
I understand that some women have a hard time but in the workplace, STFU about it and don't tar us all with the same brush.
(and I've always been ranty - it's NOTHING to do with my age Grin)

LifeLong13 · 21/11/2016 18:29

"Ooooooh! I used to get this in my first trimester! Here's hoping!" Big wink and walk away!

bruffin · 21/11/2016 18:30

Dont go and see Menopause The Musical then. Audience full of middle age women riaring with laughterGrin at jokes about being hot, losing your memory etc. Its spot onSmile

Floisme · 21/11/2016 18:34

I agree the 'jokes' can be tedious, especially when made by people who haven't got a clue. But I don't see why we should 'shut the fuck up' about it any more than I think young women should shut the fuck up about their periods or their pregnancies or their children.

It is all part of life.

Original poster
Crowdblundering · 21/11/2016 18:37

It's not jokes about the Menopause that annoy me exactly - I just think it's really fucking rude to keep referring to my "age" which is how it's meant and I am only 41 which isn't "old".

I really struggled turning 40 last year and she knows this, I have just come to terms with it - as it were - and I know my colleague is terrified she has left it too late to get pg as only met her boyfriend last year.

So either way it's just insensitive and not funny.

OP posts:
Original poster
Crowdblundering · 21/11/2016 18:39

And I guess I don't talk like talk about "women's problems" at work anyway.

OP posts:
BerylStreep · 21/11/2016 18:40

I find it tiresome. Am mid-forties and I can't even mention that I might be feeling hot without some twat making menopause comments. FWIW I'm not displaying any signs of menopause yet, not that it matters.

DH's friend thought he was being hilaire when he commented that he thought I was having a hot flush (was winter, with wood burning stove up full pelt). I mused aloud that I couldn't for the life of my understand why he was still single.

DH has made similar smirky comments until I put him right on the issue. I can't quite put my finger on why I find other people commenting on it so disconcerting. My hormonal profile is private, thank you very much.

The 'girls' in our admin team all talk very openly about menopause and it makes me shudder. And they are women, not girls FFS!

Original poster
Crowdblundering · 21/11/2016 18:42

*Berylstreep" this is it exactly!

OP posts:
BratFarrarsPony · 21/11/2016 18:43

I think you have at least another 8 or 9 years of NOT being menopausal, and you should point this out to this insensitive old bat next time she says anything!

At your age it would be quite possible to have a child!

Say something like ...i don't know..."not me love, you must be talking about yourself again"...Grin (childish I know)

(from someone who is 50 and has had the menopause and has never got all hot or forgetful)

Domino20 · 21/11/2016 18:45

My Mum is ALWAYS fucking doing this to me. She had a hysterectomy quite young, maybe at 48/9 and now I'm mid 40s she brings it up gleefully whenever she can. Hot?? That'll be the menopause, tired? Ditto. Cranky, same again. Had to have an argument with her as honestly she was so gleeful about it. Now it's never mentioned but I really had to get cross. It's not so much the comments, more the attitude that accompany them. Weird?

Floisme · 21/11/2016 18:45

Why does it make you shudder? It's going to happen, unless you die first.

BerylStreep · 21/11/2016 18:49

Next time just laugh manically and say 'WTF are you talking about you daft bint? Then give her a really hard playful shove in the arm.

Grin
BerylStreep · 21/11/2016 18:54

Floisme it makes me shudder because I think it is a continuum of women being defined by their hormones.

For example, being legitimately annoyed about something, and someone asking if you have PMT. Or Donald Trump asking a presenter if she is on her period. Or being newly married and everyone thinking that your fertility, and by extension sex life, are fair game to discuss. My hormones and my fertility are private matters, not something that I would be happy being the subject of casual comment or conversation, regardless of what stage of life I am at.

Lorelei76 · 21/11/2016 18:55

OP I turned 40 this year and there's a group (older) in my office who think this is old. It isn't expressed in menopause terms but there's been some odd comments directed at me and another woman who go to the gym some lunchtimes, and their faces if I'm out after work and get changed or whatever... Like "ooh, still going to bars".

Also have a very fit 50s lady who runs mikes and lift weights before work...she got knocked off her bike once and came in with her arm in a sling, one guy said "oh dear, has all that weight lifting caught up with you?" He was nice to her when he was told about the accident but it was like he really wanted the weights comment to be true! He says he used to like exercise but is too old now.....also mid 50s.

Younger colleagues have never said anything and always ask me to go for drinks so I presume they don't think over 40s are barred from bars! It's a nice place to work but this weirds me out.

I haven't heard any menopause jokes yet but it's only a matter of time I'm sure. I don't normally tell work about birthdays but I had time off for this one, only reason I to,d them and wish I'd kept quiet.

BratFarrarsPony · 21/11/2016 18:57

I agree with Beryl Streep...

As though we are not real people with real feelings but just things in the grip of our hormones..

I used to have a nearlyBF who would sweetly ask 'are you naggy?' if I was pissed off with a real life situation,(eg my dad had just had another child and not told me for example)

NO I AM NOT FUCKING 'NAGGY' I AM SERIOUSLY FUCKED OFF!

FayKorgasm · 21/11/2016 19:10

I went through menopause at 43/44 and I thankfully didn't get many side effects, other than a few hot flushes and a bit scatter brained for a bit. I am completely enjoying this new phase of my life because my periods were horrendously painful and heavy.

It's not always bad for every woman.

BerylStreep · 21/11/2016 19:10

Crowd Maybe next time your boss mentions something you could say something cheery like 'It's a long way off yet, but don't worry, you'll be the first to know.'

(or go for the hard cheerful shove, described below)

Lorelei76 · 21/11/2016 19:10

Domino, yes, it's as if someone is wishing misfortune on you. Sorry I ranted about this before but I was in a major accident a few years ago and it's no coincidence the same colleagues who think I'm old also think that the injury is bound to catch up with me "one day". They talk about their aches and pains a lot, yes I feel for them but I also think their "concern" is more a case of "misery is seeking out company"!!

papayasareyum · 21/11/2016 19:13

I joke about the menopause and I'm 44! I don't joke about other women though. I was in a hot room the other day, laughed and said "ooh, that's the menopause"
I had no clue that my joke, aimed at me, would cause offence or set women back.Hmm