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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Jokes about Menopause....

71 replies

Crowdblundering · 21/11/2016 09:19

Not sure if I am being a bit precious.

I am 41 I have almost grown up children and happily entering next stage of my life.

Every time I merely mention being hot in the office (we have really dodgy heating at work) my boss (nearly 60 yr old women) makes jokes about it being "that time of life" or similar - which TBH I find really offensive and fucking tedious.

On top of this there is another lady in our office who is a year younger than me who has just moved in with her partner and hopes to start a family.

So do I carry on smiling and nodding or tell her she's out of line?

OP posts:

pinkiepink · 21/11/2016 19:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

Crowdblundering · 21/11/2016 19:21

It's fine to joke about yourself - it's a bit like joking about your own weight isn't it - no one else would dream of it.

OP posts:

Floisme · 21/11/2016 19:48

I see the 'old bat' comments are coming out now.
Bye.

Lorelei76 · 21/11/2016 19:53

Flo - ??? I can't see any comments like that.

SpookyPotato · 21/11/2016 20:12

I get you, it's not really the jokes as yes they can be funny when you're going through it- but you're only 41! It should be at least another 10 years before these comments begin. People are still having babies at 41. I guess it makes you feel older than you are.. nothing wrong with being older! But not when its before your time..

Lorelei76 · 21/11/2016 20:15

I have friends who didn't have babies till early 40s.

Original poster

Crowdblundering · 21/11/2016 20:29

Exactly - some of my friends are only just starting families now!

OP posts:

limitedperiodonly · 21/11/2016 20:46

it makes me shudder because I think it is a continuum of women being defined by their hormones.

I agree with that BerylStreep. I did not have PMT or painful periods or PND or unpleasant menopausal symptoms that made me go doolally.

Much as I'd like to think I'm unique in many ways, in that way, I am not. That's the experience for countless other women.

I am not denying the existence of those things for many women but it is not my experience. Therefore I'd rather other women didn't insist that all women are at the mercy of our female hormones. It's fucking hard enough trying to be taken seriously.

NavyandWhite · 21/11/2016 20:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SailingThroughTime · 21/11/2016 20:52

Completely agree Limited
And it's not about getting older in itself. That happens to us all if we're lucky, it's about the assumption that women become less competent in the workplace once they hit menopause.

FannyFog · 21/11/2016 21:18

I think it is a 'share the misery' thing for some menopausal/post-menopausal women but they're also the kind of women who'd delight in sharing pregnancy horror stories with first time expectant mums or the ones in high school picking on peers because they hadn't started menstruating or wearing a bra yet. YANBU, It's not funny and it's bloody tiresome.

I do want to point out that you don't have to be 'old' to start the menopause. I found out just a few weeks before my 40th birthday that the weird symptoms and general malaise - lethargy, irregular and extremely heavy periods, insomnia, acne - I'd been suffering weren't related to coming off the pill a few months earlier on my GPs advice as I'd thought, it was perimenopause.

It hit me like a ton of bricks, not that I wanted more kids, in fact I'd been considering sterilisation, but it really made me feel less than a woman and I couldn't face the jokes I'd be sure to get in my old job so I told no one, my hot flashes were intense and debilitating but mostly at night so I never had to complain of feeling hot at work which might tip them off.

When I emigrated, I'd come to terms with it much better and firmly told myself I had nothing to be embarrassed about, it didn't make me less a woman it was part of being a woman. I've been lucky to work in an office here with really nice people of all ages and genders who wouldn't dream of making ageist or sexist jokes of that kind and I've been over the worst for almost two years now just at the time when my peers are starting with theirs.

Original poster

Crowdblundering · 21/11/2016 21:22

I don't think you have to be "old" I guess I am just younger than the "norm" and it's not that I don't think it's ok to talk about when referring to yourself - it's just quite a personal thing to take the piss about and I do feel I have a good 10 years before I hit that stage - my mum was in her 50s.

OP posts:

OldRosesDoomed · 21/11/2016 21:31

I am 56. My flushes started at 43. I had my last baby at almost 39. We didn't used to talk about periods, we didn't used to talk about sexual orientation, we didn't used to talk about "living together", we didn't used to accept children born outside marriage, we didn't used to discuss the Cancer word. Why is menopause the last taboo?

PlymouthMaid1 · 21/11/2016 21:34

I am 54 in two weeks and not menopausal yet so, tedious at any age, in early 40s those jokes are just ridiculous. I spent all day freezing in the office today so a hot flush would have been welcome.

BroomstickOfLove · 21/11/2016 21:35

I'm 41 and starting to have perimenopausal symptoms, and I'm really bloody grateful for the women who talk about it, because everyone else looks at me blankly and just says, 'aren't you a bit young for that kind of thing?'. It happens, and it is happening to quite a lot of women in their early forties. I feel that it's something that isn't really talked about much, and, like with periods, I prefer to know a bit more about the details in advance so that I be prepared.

Original poster

Crowdblundering · 21/11/2016 21:35

It's not taboo at all - I just don't want my boss taking the piss out of me and insinuating I am going through the Menopause Every. Fucking. Day.

Same as I don't want her taking the piss and suggesting it's "time of the month". It's bloody personal.

OP posts:

TheBackingSinger · 21/11/2016 21:41

The 'girls' in our admin team all talk very openly about menopause and it makes me shudder
Menopause is not something shameful to be hidden and not talked about.

Original poster

Crowdblundering · 21/11/2016 21:45

I agree it's not something to not be talked about.

However my Menopause when it happens will not be subject to office discussion.

I will choose who and when I decide to discuss it and it will not be in our open plan office with my boss!

OP posts:

Bluntness100 · 21/11/2016 21:45

This is quite close to my heart I'm 47. My periods are stable and the same as they always were, other than maybe more cramps and I suspect I'm peri menopausal, but my friends act like I'm some way in denial. That I must be going through the menopause and I'm lying. I'm geninely not
I have no shame in going through the menopause, and I can't fake it that I am, but I get comments and looks that would insinuate I'm meopausal and lying about it.

I don't think it's unusual for a woman my age not to be menopausal so I don't understand why there is an issue for them with it.

Floisme · 21/11/2016 21:46

Flo - ??? I can't see any comments like that.
On the previous page: ...you should point this out to this insensitive old bat...'

Original poster

Crowdblundering · 21/11/2016 21:48

I have no idea if I am or am not as I have a Mirena - that's not really the point though is it?

It's s personal private thing that she is teasing me about - and I don't like it.

OP posts:

Lorelei76 · 21/11/2016 22:00

I'm with the OP
It isn't that I think menopause is or should be taboo
It's that I think health related stuff is personal
People want to make jokes about themselves, fine, but directing them at someone else is weird.
That and the misery loves company factor, I used to have hellish periods but I'd never wish them on someone else!

ArgyMargy · 21/11/2016 22:00

Jeez some of you lot need to lighten up - it's perfectly possible to ignore banter if you don't like it. And please stop with all the "it's hard enough to get taken seriously" rubbish. Moaning never gets you anywhere, IMO.

Original poster

Crowdblundering · 21/11/2016 22:01

Would this be ok if my boss was male?

OP posts:

SailingThroughTime · 21/11/2016 22:02

Ah piss off Margy

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