DH and finances

[xoxopussycat]

So my husband just came to me saying that I need to go back to work (we've got a 4 months old baby) because he needs to remortgage the house and I need to be working full time in order to use my income. It was a bit of a shock as he had this place before we met.

He then said that it was a "interest only" mortgage deal for many years and now he needs to remortgage. His income is not enough so I need to find a full time job ASAP and get a joint mortgage to continue to live here.

I agreed (I didn't think much at the moment) and now I'm having a child care being paid (with my parent's money) so I can go to work and sort out this mortgage.

Now he comes to me and say that I need to contribute at least with £600 because we've got a spare room in his house, and he used to have lodgers living here before we started living together.

So AIBU to think it's unfair? I'm going back to work living my little baby in order to sort out the mortgage of a house that he had before met me, having child care paid by my parents and he wants me paying £600? I'm feeling I'm being used.

These type of threads make me want to scream

You meet a man, move in to his house, contribute not a lot financially (by your own admission) and you have a child but never ask about finances? How can you just happily live like that not knowing what's going on with finances etc? Why did you never have that discussion?

The home is home to you and your child and if you need to return to work to get a joint mortgage/ a remortgage or whatever then we do what me must don't we . If there is no other way what else can you do

Did you think it was odd that he was expecting you to go back to work when your baby was 2 weeks old?

Men do this too, Dh was caught out like this with his ex and now warns the younger men he works with to handle finances jointly because he still hears them saying their gf handles everything & they just let them.

Storm he had lodgers
I also don't get how people can just leave someone else in charge of finances.

Do you really think this situation sounds like he is being transparent and fair? There's something not right about telling your wife how much she needs to contribute to keep living there isn't there?

There's more not right about marrying a man and just expecting him to look after you financially without any concept of how much it actually takes to run your household.

You need to sit down with the mortgage adviser and him and run through all the details together so you know where you stand. You will need to sign the application and you need to make sure you read it all carefully. You also need to update the deeds to reflect your contribution to the mortgage

You should also work out a household budget taking into account your joint and separate expenses and household income and work out what you can and can't afford. You should both have visibility on the household finances.

How long are your parents committing to paying for childcare? Are both of you also getting childcare vouchers to offset some of the childcare costs?

Having a baby puts a lot of strain on things but it's a good time to get everything straightened out so you all know where you stand

You need legal advice before you go any further. He is lying to you about something, quite clearly. It is bollocks you can't get on a mortgage whilst self employed, my dh is and we managed it quite easily as long as paperwork is up to date. Same goes for student loan, that is bullshit he's told you too. I wouldn't contribute to the mortgage unless I was named as joint tenant on the deeds. The way you have been treated during pregnancy is shocking.

You need to sit down together and go through the finances. There should be an understanding between both parties what is need for which bills and when.

You sound like you have been naive and let him manage the finances. I am assuming he is trying to get onto one of the newer very low interest rate mortgages that are available for 85%< LTV. But you need to understand what the crack is. He might sound mean, but you sound ignorant. The you understand the situation the sooner you will know what you are contributing towards and whether it is fair or not.

Might be better to downsize than re-mortgage an expensive to run property.

If your name is on the mortgage it should also be on the deeds of the house. If he's not willing to do that then don't return to work.