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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DH and finances

110 replies

xoxopussycat · 20/11/2016 20:36

So my husband just came to me saying that I need to go back to work (we've got a 4 months old baby) because he needs to remortgage the house and I need to be working full time in order to use my income. It was a bit of a shock as he had this place before we met.

He then said that it was a "interest only" mortgage deal for many years and now he needs to remortgage. His income is not enough so I need to find a full time job ASAP and get a joint mortgage to continue to live here.

I agreed (I didn't think much at the moment) and now I'm having a child care being paid (with my parent's money) so I can go to work and sort out this mortgage.

Now he comes to me and say that I need to contribute at least with £600 because we've got a spare room in his house, and he used to have lodgers living here before we started living together.

So AIBU to think it's unfair? I'm going back to work living my little baby in order to sort out the mortgage of a house that he had before met me, having child care paid by my parents and he wants me paying £600? I'm feeling I'm being used.

OP posts:

Helloitsme87 · 20/11/2016 22:18

I have a student loan. It's about 30k. I had it since I was 22 when I graduated. I have 2 mortgages. It has never ever affected my getting one.

SeenYourArse · 20/11/2016 22:25

Also remember that the absolute minimum amount of time you would have to have been working at your new job will be 3 months before you can even apply for a mortgage which takes you into account so you cannot just get the job to apply for the mortgage then leave again!

MrHannahSnell · 20/11/2016 22:36

This all stinks like rotten fish. There's more to this than he is telling you OP in my opinion. I'd be vary careful if I were you and maybe you should show any papers to a lawyer before signing them.

MyWineTime · 20/11/2016 23:03

There is something very, very wrong here.
He's lying if he says he wants to pay off his student loan with a mortgage - and why would you have to go back to work to cover that debt?
The whole remortgage thing is very dodgy.

AyeAmarok · 20/11/2016 23:06

Sounds like neither of you have the faintest grasp of finances.

Lorelei76 · 20/11/2016 23:23

OP you need to get yourself informed fast
He's either incompetent or trying to hide something from you
You need all financials on the table for you both to look at
And you both need to know what you are doing, it doesn't sound like you know anything about the family finances which makes no sense?!

RasperryInAMelon · 20/11/2016 23:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Trifleorbust · 21/11/2016 06:41

You're not an idiot, Raspberry. You are on the wrong thread though

greenfolder · 21/11/2016 06:58

What he is saying is nonsense.
If he has an interest only loan then he only has to remortgage at the end of it. Ie at the end of the 25 year term.
So this is not urgent now.
Get the house valued. Find out how much equity there is in it. You are entitled to half of this.
Run your own credit report. Make sure he has not put debt in your name.
Do not put your baby in childcare unless you want to.
Speak to your parents about his terrible ability with money.
Think about what kind of life you want. If you have to work full time, why not just do it on your own?

GinIsIn · 21/11/2016 07:14

OK this makes no sense:

You don't suddenly need to remortgage - he would be put onto the mortgage provider's standard rate, unless of course he hasn't been making the payments...?
A student loan is a stand-alone debt - it does not impact on your credit rating or ability to get a mortgage so something isn't right there.

Some questions:

how long have you lived together?
do you have completely separate finances?
have you SEEN any of the deeds and mortgage papers pertaining to the house?

Do not agree ANYTHING and certainly do not hand over any money until you sit down together and review his finances. Not just him telling you - you need to SEE the loan statements, mortgage documentation etc. Because bone of this adds up.

GinIsIn · 21/11/2016 07:14

None not bone, but the point stands!

Scooby20 · 21/11/2016 07:40

I think some fishy is going on.

But expecting your wife to pay a portion of bills and the mortgage when they are working full time, seems normal to me.

What's weird is that you don't much about why he is remortgaging.

Why have you never contributed much to the running of the household?

Mysterycat23 · 21/11/2016 07:40

That makes a bit more sense of why DH wants your income to count against the mortgage. In the UK a student loan is irrelevant. It's also unusual to plan to go back to work 2 weeks after baby is born (no judgement just its unusual). OP are you in America?

LunaLoveg00d · 21/11/2016 07:44

The husband bashers are out in force I see....

Neither party is blameless here. OP has drifted along quite happily contributing very little financially (as she says herself) and not asking questions about the house, the mortgage and the financial situation of the family. Living there quite happily all the time and having children in that situation. She didn't ask. He didn't tell. Both are as bad as each other.

Interest only mortgages are something the banks are not keen on at all presently as they are so much riskier. It's entirely possible that the 3/5/10 year deal is coming to an end and the lenders have said no more interest only, switch to repayment is your only choice. And that costs more.

rollonthesummer · 21/11/2016 07:50

Why are your parents agreeing to pay your full time childcare-that's probably the equivalent to a mortgage mortgage payment each month!

If you can't afford the childcare then you can't afford to work full time under that arrangement. He can't assume that you can just work full time with free childcare for ever more!!

None off this adds up. You need to either sit down with him, the mortgage advisor and all paperwork/pay slips, or go and live on your own.

He wants you to work full time and Saturdays/from home? Will he be doing the same?

Are you in the U.K.?

Fairylea · 21/11/2016 07:52

I would bet he has lots of credit card debt and is struggling to manage the repayments so wants to mortgage over a longer period and borrow money to pay these off. .

GinIsIn · 21/11/2016 07:53

Luna I don't think it's husband bashing to say that a situation seems mathematically inaccurate and it's important to check and have all the information before handing over money? More common sense and basic financial planning than husband bashing....

LunaLoveg00d · 21/11/2016 08:04

Mathematically impossible is one thing - but it's the comments about him obviously being a sexist prick, controlling, up to his eyes in debt etc etc etc.

OP hasn't a clue. She doesn't know what is going on because up until now she has not asked and has revelled in her ignorance of how the family's most important asset is being paid for. Yes you can argue that he should have told her, but she should have bloody well asked, well before getting married and having a baby. Husband may be on a very low salary, facing being swtiched to standard variable rate and worried about keeping a roof over the family head. Through the wife contributing "very little" they may be in debt - OP doesn't know.

You can't go heaping all the blame on one half of this partnership when the other half has had her head in the sand the whole time.

Babyroobs · 21/11/2016 09:09

If you can't afford childcare then why not consider working a part time evening or weekend job around your partner's job ( assuming he works set hours). Then you can both contribute to the mortgage and both do your fair share of the childcare, a much fairer situation all round.
If you are both on lowish incomes check to see if you would be entitled to any help with childcare costs through the tax credit system or whether your dh can get childcare vouchers through his employers.
It's very unfair to expect your dh to shoulder all the financial responsibility for the family but it is certainly something which should have been discussed when you moved in with him and certainly before you had a baby.

golfbuggy · 21/11/2016 09:09

I am reading this as DH being massively panicked that the family is living beyond their means!! Whether this is because he's racked up frivolous debts or because without lodger money they simply can't make ends meet is something OP needs to work out!

OP's parents paying childcare is worrying because it means

that OP and DH can't actually afford it OR
they are trying to hide the cost for mortgage affordability purposes.

Frankly OP needs to be less worried about having to go out to work and more worried that she might be about to lose her home.

Redlocks28 · 21/11/2016 09:14

How much will your parents be paying in childcare each month? I can't see how that's sustainable.

Trifleorbust · 21/11/2016 12:37

The husband bashers are out in force I see

Do you really think this situation sounds like he is being transparent and fair? There's something not right about telling your wife how much she needs to contribute to keep living there isn't there?

Fluffycloudland77 · 21/11/2016 12:40

Obviously we should let the men run everything while we cook fry ups and dole out blow jobs.

Sparlklesilverglitter · 21/11/2016 12:48

So you met this man, moved in to this house he already had, had a child with him and you've never spoke about finances? Why not?

Stormtreader · 21/11/2016 12:51

So how was he expecting to pay this mortgage before he met you?

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