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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DH and finances

110 replies

xoxopussycat · 20/11/2016 20:36

So my husband just came to me saying that I need to go back to work (we've got a 4 months old baby) because he needs to remortgage the house and I need to be working full time in order to use my income. It was a bit of a shock as he had this place before we met.

He then said that it was a "interest only" mortgage deal for many years and now he needs to remortgage. His income is not enough so I need to find a full time job ASAP and get a joint mortgage to continue to live here.

I agreed (I didn't think much at the moment) and now I'm having a child care being paid (with my parent's money) so I can go to work and sort out this mortgage.

Now he comes to me and say that I need to contribute at least with £600 because we've got a spare room in his house, and he used to have lodgers living here before we started living together.

So AIBU to think it's unfair? I'm going back to work living my little baby in order to sort out the mortgage of a house that he had before met me, having child care paid by my parents and he wants me paying £600? I'm feeling I'm being used.

OP posts:

BackforGood · 20/11/2016 21:07

Can you answer some of the other questions xoxo. ?

What were the arrangements when you moved in?
How has he got a mortgage on interest only, without evidence he has the means to pay it off?
You need to think about how much the house is worth - is that the best place to stay - how much is owed on the mortgage - are both your names on the mortgage - and a lot of other questions if you want to stay with him. The things you are saying in your posts seem to show a real lack of care, love and compassion from him, I have to say. I'm not a poster that tends to easily say anyone would be better off without their dh/dp, but he's not coming over in a very good light at the moment.

rosy71 · 20/11/2016 21:07

I'm not sure I understand.

Why does he need to remortgage? Do you mean he's changing to a repayment mortgage?

You seem to have been planning to go back to work anyway.

Why can't you afford childcare but can afford not to work atm? Are you on maternity leave?

QforCucumber · 20/11/2016 21:08

Are you not on a maternity leave from your current role?

Trifleorbust · 20/11/2016 21:09

Again, you need to begin the conversation from scratch. Full disclosure of earnings and liabilities. If he isn't proposing putting you on the deeds of the house, he needs to do so. You then need to work out together what is reasonable in terms of working versus childcare and housework. This does not involve him dictating to you. If he insists on doing so, leave him to it - he can pay his mortgage on his own.

And if your parents are paying for childcare, are they not paying more than he is asking you to contribute to the household? Not really making sense, that.

OohhThatsMe · 20/11/2016 21:09

For how long did he have the mortgage before you moved in? Are you two married now?

Comtesse · 20/11/2016 21:11

What financial contribution is HE making? Sounds like you are doing everything - wtf??

Fluffycloudland77 · 20/11/2016 21:13

You need to go to the bank with him and see exactly how much is owed on that house.

Something doesn't add up here.

AyeAmarok · 20/11/2016 21:14

What were you paying towards living costs before you had the baby?

Lorelei76 · 20/11/2016 21:17

Your follow up post makes it sound like he has a plan to pay it off early?

We can't really help without facts.

Hellmouth · 20/11/2016 21:22

I agree with the others, none of this sounds right. It doesn't sound as if you knew anything about his financial situation before you got married. It also sounds like you haven't sat down and discussed any of this and made decisions together, he's just dictating to you.

I think I knew more about my DPs finances after 6 months together :/

StarryIllusion · 20/11/2016 21:22

4 Months old and you had a csection? He could fuck right off to the far side of fuck.

Original poster

xoxopussycat · 20/11/2016 21:24

That's why I'm posting here. Something doesn't look quite right.
He needs to remortgage. His income is not enough, so I need to go back to work full time and he can present our both incomes, getting us a joint mortgage.

I was working part-time and also self-employed and that wouldn't give us a mortgage (that's why I need to get a contract full-time job according to his mortgage advisor). No maternity leave.

He pays for the bills (and the mortgage). I always contributed with very little.

And yes, we are married and he's the father of our child.

OP posts:

Thattimeofyearagain · 20/11/2016 21:25

Woa, you worked until the day before the birth and you were expected to go back 2weeks after ???

CoolCarrie · 20/11/2016 21:27

Sorry, op , he sounds like a controlling, demanding , money hungry user!

Fluffycloudland77 · 20/11/2016 21:27

I find it odd you haven't met the mortgage advisor, they usually at least speak to you on the phone.

You need their business card so you can ring them. Check the company out at companies house.

AyeAmarok · 20/11/2016 21:27

What is the house worth?

How much of a mortgage do you need?

What is his salary?

Headofthehive55 · 20/11/2016 21:28

Do you know his income?
Do you know the amount outstanding on the mortgage?
You do realise that an interest only mortgage means that you have only been effectively renting the house ( you would never own it? )

Trifleorbust · 20/11/2016 21:31

It is not inherently unreasonable for your DH to want you to seek full time work, if that is the only way you are likely to hold on to the house. But the way he is going about this sounds awful, and you certainly don't have sufficient information to work out if this is in your interest.

Does he still see this as 'his' house with you 'contributing', or is he talking about this as if it is your joint property?

stinkyfeet2016 · 20/11/2016 21:31

Hold on. The bit about remortgage isn't right.

He'd just be put into the banks standard variable rate. Granted it might not be such a good deal, but he won't just 'not be able to get a mortgage'.

Nanny0gg · 20/11/2016 21:32

And how on earth would you have gone back to work with a 2 week old baby?

Why weren't your finances discussed before you got married?

NerrSnerr · 20/11/2016 21:32

Do you have access to the finances? You need him to be open with what he has and earns. You also need to meet with the mortgage advisor in person. He can't just dictate to you what happens, you're a married couple, it should be a partnership.

MiracletoCome · 20/11/2016 21:32

Is it that the bank where the mortgage is is telling him he has to get a repayment mortgage. We have an interest only mortgage and every couple of years we have to prove we have funds to pay it, we have an endowment and savings to cover it and have to send the bank details of this. If we didn't have this the bank would make us turn it into a repayment mortgage which would greatly increase the repayments each month.

travailtotravel · 20/11/2016 21:33

Don't pay a thing. Don't go to work. If you are working already, keep the money in your own account.

When, and only when, he has been a grown up and sat down with his wife to discuss family finances and you have worked out jointly what is coming in and what is going out and what is the best way to handle it all, should you look at how much to add to the pot.

If he can't and won't do this - or won't make sure you are named on the new mortgage and on the deeds of the house - consider carefully what your options are.

Fluffycloudland77 · 20/11/2016 21:35

That's a point, we remortgaged with our provider and did it all online.

Also property prices have gone up loads so he should have a really loan to value. Ie he should have loads of equity in it.

Plus IO mortgages are cheap as chips so he's been living fairly cheaply for the past few years.

Mysterycat23 · 20/11/2016 21:38

He needs to remortgage. His income is not enough,

Do you have a joint mortgage OP? Or did DH have it from before you moved in? Asking because if the mortgage is just his then it will be based on his own income only so your earnings wouldn't be needed for the calculations.

Or, does he wants to remortgage in order to borrow more money?

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