Does you're mil favour your SIL DC over yours?

[Underthemoonlight]

This has an issue I've noticed after SIL had her DD. I had DS 6 months prior. Mil makes minimal effort in regards to DS, a little more effort with DD and minimal effort with DS1 from a previous relationship but is constantly with SIL and DGD apparently I've got my own DM and it's different with you're DDs child, Aibu to be annoyed? I have two DS2 and one DD and I just couldn't imagine not making the same effort with all my GC regardless if it's my DS child or DD child

My MIL has 3 sons. I'm married to the oldest. The middle son is the favourite (people outside the family have told me this so its not just my observations!) He has three boys - 6, 4 and 3. Her youngest son has a boy - 2 years and 1 month. Our DS is 22 months. The oldest three are certainly favoured a lot. They spend whole days with grandma. She never asks to see our son, we have to ask if we can take him to visit. MY FIL lives in London and is a consultant in a hospital so obviously very busy. However he never even bought my son a first birthday present. Luckily my parents have my son 2 days a week and have a wonderful relationship with him.. He really only has one set of proper grandparents, but its my in laws loss....

Reading some of these responses are so heartbreaking. I'm very lucky as my parents are fab and very hands on with my dc unfortunately my df has terminal cancer and it breaks my heart my youngest wont have any memories of him. He absolutely dotes on them and i feel he will miss out on that. Thinking about things it seems evident that SIL is the favourite they are always invited round for Sunday dinner weekly and i think we have been a handful of times mainly at christmas. I just couldn't imagine including my family in that way.

excluding*

I think the situation with your DF really highlights how poor the relationship is.

DF died this summer, and one of the outcomes for both me and even more so for DH is a real intolerance of the i-laws and the way they treat our kids as 2nd best. It seems harder than ever to accept. We really can't be bothered with it anymore.

I think you hit the nail on the head there birdy my ds 1 has an extremely close relationship to my df as i was a single mom, he is as equally close with dd and ds 2 is just a baby. i just find it hard and frustrating seeing them coming as second best.

It does happen, definitely. I'm lucky it isn't the case with my mil, but we're very close anyway. She has said it's a little different and she feels it was easier to be involved with her daughters children, but as we are close enough to talk openly, very quickly she felt comfortable being just as involved with my children.

As a mother of a girl and boy, if my children have heterosexual relationships, I worry about doing it myself!

My MIL had died before I married exH but my exFIL definitely favoured his DD's children. My eldest ds and my SIL's youngest son were born with only a couple of weeks between them. My FIL was always picking up, feeding and cuddling my dn. I asked him to hold my ds for a moment whilst I popped to the loo but he was very reluctant and suggested I put him in his pram. He justified this by saying he was only comfortable holding babies if they were his 'own'. Fecker.

only got to page 2, op its lovely your dh sister has a good relationship with your dc, cherish that. Its something, better than nothing.

DH sister doesnt have dc yet but I can totally see Mil going wild when she does and aside from all the usual normal reasons it will be because they both share same attitudes and views on life. Which I get as well.
I would pity the poor child though, will be scrubbed, cleaned and micromanaged to an inch of its life.

The thing is op, you know the lie of the land, yes get all off your chest but the bottom line is, no one is forcing you to expose your children to this.
There is no rule written anywhere and its societal pressures that many of us feel obliged to force relations that are perhaps not there.

put your dc first - lower expectation and act accordingly, you cant force mil to like your son and she cant force you to see the gc.
It sounds like sils relationship is the key on there focus on that instead.

My DM favours my older sister and her children and my DB and his child. The rest of us don't get a look in. She swears she loves her DC and DGC all the same but she doesn't act like it.

My MIL is much closer to her daughters children. It used to bother me, but don't worry about it these days. Got used to it, and accepted it. Unless I see posts like these I never give it a second thought. I can even think of a bright side - MIL totally ruins SIL's children, so at least mine aren't ruined!

My MIL is fabulous and sees the DCs at least twice a week. SIL's children are slightly older and she sees them, but has far more regular contact with mine. I think it's probably because MIL and I are closer than SIL is to her. I tend to think it's SIL's loss; for all that MIL can be a bugger she'd go to the ends of the earth for all of us and the main reason I'm able to work full-time teaching at the minute is due to her help with the DCs. We'd all be lost without her.

I'm close to my Mum, too, so it's not a case of one or the other. Sometimes you can just get along with everyone.

It's back to sexism and wifework though isn't it?

My mil does this, and it is purely a sexist thing. When she minds sil's children, or does her ironing, or washing, or helps her out financially buying uniforms etc, she is helping sil.

If she did the same for DH, she wouldn't be helping dh, she'd be helping me, as those are all "wife" jobs.

So she spends way more time with sil and her kids, has them in the holidays etc, and so knows them far better, has more photos. She has been known to drop me in the shit with childcare if sil phones her up to do something because sil is her priority, not me and my childcare. Childcare nothing to do with DH, obviously.

DH hates it too, as he's an equal parent and they really don't see how involved he is with the kids and how much he does, because, you know, I do it because I'm the wife. They think it's hilarious that I "have him ironing".

It's that old saying that a son is a son until he takes a wife.

It's sexist stereotyped bullshit.

Sadly I agree with you really.

Well today really took the biscuit!

We had arranged for the PIL to come over today to see the DS's.

FIL turns up but no MIL- she had apparently forgotten and had gotten up early this morning and driven an hour an a half away to see SIL and her DD.

She has definitely made her feelings very clear in my eyes.

Really you hit the nail on the head, i think that why we never get invited for Sunday dinner as they know il cook ( dh cant cook). Baby that awful it just goes to show doesn't it. Mil has now offered to look after sils baby when she goes back to work unfortunately we aren't in a position for me to return to work.