Sleep deprivation flip out

[peardropz]

Anyone else had these? My dd has never slept great, slept through for the second time in her life night before last, I knew I shouldn't get excited but when she woke up at 1am last night I just flipped out, swore lots (not proud), couldn't get back to sleep cos I was thinking about how tired I'm gonna be when I go back to work in 2 weeks, how I just don't understand how she can do it one day and not the next, how I felt so good yesterday, so much energy, and today I'm gonna be the same haggard grumpy witch I've been for a year. I was tossing and turning angrily and inexplicably furious at my husband who has had numerous full nights sleep since she was born, swore at him a bit (again not proud).

He was telling me to calm down and I was being ridiculous but aibu to have a meltdown like this every now and again? I just need to get it out of my system. I concede that 1am is not the best time.

cathf

We have tried EVERYTHING. Good habits from the start. Bedtime routines, the lot. Absolutely chuff all difference has been made. He's been a crap sleeper since birth.

Some kids just don't sleep. He doesn't rule the roost. He's 13 months old, he's a toddler, not some maniacal moustache twiddling genius plotting our downfall (although sometimes I wonder...)

Sleep is largely developmental. You can for sure help it along with routines and gentle training and whatnot, but you can't guarantee a good sleeper any more than you can guarantee an early walker, or an early talker. Or a sporty kid. Or a smart one.

As a comparison: by age two I was reading proper books. Not spot goes to the park - real books. That's nice for me but I would be a massive, massive arse hole to tell another parent that if they only tried a little harder and didn't take no for an answer their kid could do the same.

You've been lucky - you've undoubtedly laid down good habits as well, but you've been lucky too. Please don't add further to the utter misery of sleep deprivation by insinuating that it's a failure of parenting

I don't think I have been lucky, to be honest. Maybe my babies were not serious sleep refusers, but most babies aren't.
My three babies were born in 1993, 2004 and 2007, both sexes and to two different fathers. Surely I can't have been that lucky?
Ana, you say you've tried everything - have you tried putting baby down in their own room in the dark? You will probably struggle with this if your baby is 13 months old, and that is exactly my point. Good habits need to he started as young as possible and then they become the norm.
Trying to do thus with a toddler is a completely different ball game, unfortunately.

I don't think I have been lucky, to be honest. Maybe my babies were not serious sleep refusers, but most babies aren't.

How do you know??
Like a PP we tried everything, and we tried to instil good sleep habits from birth. 2 sleep consultants have admitted defeat. Want to come round and give it a try?

Oh and by the way, DD2 sleeps through (same regime).

Cathf and perhaps your sleep training methods will have raised cortisol levels that affect your child in later life. See we can all spout smug bullshit if we want, most polite people just get on with what they're doing and keep their judgement to themselves. Especially on a thread where I clearly wasn't looking for advice and just a place to rant and have some empathy.

Hugs to the original poster. I had a minor flipout last night because I went to sit on the loo to get ds ready for his bath and managed to trap my fingers under the loo seat and my considerable bulk. None of us are perfect.
Also the more I see about babies' sleep the more convinced I am its lucK. Everything I've seen about CIO suggests that they stop crying because they know they won't be responded to, but their stress levels remain high.

Uh yeah or raised cortisol levels as you more rightly said peardropz!

Anyway she's got a new tooth this morning so I'm glad I didn't leave her to cry.

Goofy, not really. You have obviously persistent sleep refusers, as I have already mentioned. They do exist, I have already acknowledged that. What point are you making?

Sympathies pear, I remember sobbing and tearing my hair out (almost literally) after my DS woke for what felt like the millionth time. His worst months of sleep seemed to be between about 6-14 months. He hated his cot but wouldn't always sleep well in with us, tossing and turning and wanting milk. I couldn't have sleep trained but as I was bf I gently night weaned about 16 months, but he still woke needing cuddles and now at 2.5 wakes once in a 10 hour sleep, and naps fine at home or nursery. It is shit and I've no advice but I know exactly what it's like! Here's a

I understand you. I have ds1 who is 3 and wajes up at 1 but gets into bed with dh. Ds2 is 2 next week and wakes every 2 hours without fail ever since he was born and wants to be breadtfed oh and im pregnant with baby number 3. I am a sahm and i work for partners company from home. I do all the house chires and cleaning and child care. Dh works hard at work but not home. But unfortuantly you just get on with it. If a ything i am jealous it is a 1 am wake up. I would trade you any day

OP, cut yourself some slack. Being a bit irrationally cross with our kids and sweary at our ohs isn't something any of us aspire to, but no one is perfect (despite what they tell you!) and if you have to let off steam like this once in a blue moon when dealing with the relentless hell of wakeful nights, you're managing well. It's better than throwing the baby out of the window, on rare occasions has felt like the only other option!

The idea that women are supposed to be sleep deprived for months or years while doing a job that requires endless patience and multitasking, and still sit smiling like the fucking Madonna at their angelic bundle who's woken up for the 6th time in 6 hours really wrenches my nuts! It's unrealistic and makes us feel even more guilty and shitty than we already do. Who needs that?

If my OH can't cope with a bit of venty, sweary muttering he should bloody well get up himself.

Sorry for the typos. Tired and using phone. Ds2 is poorly and wont let me move from the sofa

I agree with @whatdoiso

surely I can't have been that lucky?

Face palm .. you have a sample size of three. Of course you can

This reminds me of that god awful woman who posted that picture of her posing in her gym wear with a perfect body and her three kids with the caption 'what's your excuse?'
I felt like replying, 'Do you have a PhD in astrophysics? What?! No?! Why on Earth not? Everyone can have a PhD in astrophysics. You need try harder you lazy git

pear you will get there. Work might not actually be as bad as you fear - a number of jobs allow you to sit still for 10mins, have a hot cup of coffee, and go to the loo in peace!

Not all kids sleep. Not all kids can be trained. Some sleep whatever you do with them, some can be persuaded to fit a grown ups idea of sleep patterns, and some laugh in the face of sleep (I think food is a similar story).

I had one in the third category. He still doesn't sleep much, aged 7. But what he has learnt is noone else wants to be woken up at 4.30 - when he would happily get up for the day, and he has to entertain himself. So he still doesn't sleep through every night - but usually he doesn't disturb too many of the rest of us (I often hear the doors open and close, but can roll over and go back to sleep).

But sleep deprivation is torture. And whilst not ideal, cracking under the strain occasionally isnt really supprising.

All I can suggest us maximise sleep in other ways. At the weekends, I used to get up at crack if dawn with DS, feed him, and about 7am (8 if I could stand it) go and wake DH, hand over child and crawl back into bed for the morning. that was my longest stretch if sleep for many years, those weekend mornings. I used to get 4-5 straight hours, and that sustained me for the rest if the week. And when we finally found a pattern that got me 4 straight hours a night, I was like a new woman. So my suggestion would be to see if you can find a patch where 4 hrs us achievable - maybe 9-1 most nights, while DH stays up and comforts DD.

Not really a sample of three, more like a sample of 20-odd babies, in the friendship group i was in at the time.
We all expected or babies to sleep through by four months at worst, and most of us achieved it. One of us had a terrible sleeper, which I have already acknowledged does exist, but even her baby was sleeping by the time he was a year old.
Another mum was adamant she had a non-sleeper, but to the rest of us (including the mum of the sleep-refuser) it as obvious that mum was adding to the problem (Lego towers at 3am anyone??), but mum was having none of it - she was convinced she had been unlucky .
How many times have I read this type of thread on here:
OP: My baby does not sleep. Help! What can I do?
Responses: mine doesn't sleep either. Have some flowers and hugs.#
OP: Bt what can I do to make them sleep? I am desperate.
Responses: Oh, nothing. But look at their little face! How lucky we are that we have cuddles 24/7. Actually I wouldn't mind if my baby did sleep - anyone got any ideas?
Responses: Have you tried not answering their every cry and not being their entertainment source all night?
OP: Oh no, I would not want to do that. We will all be upset.
Responses: Well, I have heard to might work.
OP: Oh no, not for us. We love our baby, therefore we are prepared to put up with sleep deprivation. You must not love your baby as much as we do.

And so it goes on....

My point is that you are saying most babies aren't persistent sleep refusers. How do you know?? Even with a sample size of 20, that's a pretty fucking small sample size compared to the number of babies born.
Actually I think the point im making is that you come across as horribly smug.

Oh god I am going through this right now with DS (2)

DD was such an easy kid. She slept through from a few weeks old and even before that she woke only once through the night, and not even every night. As such it was a shock to the system when DS came and was waking 5/6 times per night. I suspect the reason was because he was breastfed to begin with, whereas I tried my hardest with DD and it just didn't happen and she was on bottles by 2 days old as the midwives convinced me I was starving her as I had not much milk. Anyway, DS was moved onto bottles after a few weeks as it was so painful and we were both knackered constantly, along with thrush and a load of other problems. When he switched to bottles he slept a bit better, but was waking still 3 times per night. It has improved but only slightly. Hes usually up once of twice now..which I can deal with ok as I can get back to sleep easily usually. However for the past week he has had a cold, and I swear he is waking every 20 minutes. He seems over it now (meaning he is perfectly fine on a day) but is still waking constantly, its as if he has just got used to it, rather than there being a reason anymore. I feel like a zombie. I have had maybe 2 hours sleep (broken, always) per night for a week. I feel constantly on edge and I know I have been snappy but I am trying so hard not to be. DH is home tonight and will take over so I can get ONE nights full sleep..I am looking forward to it so much. I have no advice really as we haven't managed to stop the night wakings either..just wanted to let you know I share your pain. And yes, have snapped at 1/2/3/4/5am at times too.

I think a sample of about 20 is a decent indication, actually. Surely you are not saying we were nearly all lucky? That would be daft.
I accept some babies will just not sleep no matter what you do. Some babies will sleep anywhere and anytime. The vast majority fall in between the two extremes, and that's where we as parents come in, and show them good sleep habits.
Extremely old-fashioned, I know (but only the 1990s!) But our children who are 20+ now don't seem to have suffered too badly.

Not attributable to my two kidsthey've always slept wellbut I have had battles with insomnia, with a notable period last year which resulted in me sleeping 11-3 or 4 for six months straight. Believe you me, the rage was real. I live in a rural spot, so used to go to a far corner of the field and drop a few motherfuckers at full volume.

As others have said, there's a reason sleep deprivation is a form of torture, and while I function in terms of completing chores and sticking to the daily beat, the feelings of anger and resentment and worry that you'll drop dead from a lack of sleep and developing things like hand shakes--all of that is very real.

Hand tremors, I should say 😬 I wasn't ever so cordial during that insomnia episode.

Were all 20 babies ebf cathf? Because that does play a major part. Most health professionals are working on the assumption babies should sleep through from an earlier age than is natural as data is based on studies from decades ago, done on formula fed babies. New research suggests ebf babies do wake more regularly and several times a night is normal even beyond a year.

They were probably be a mix, libby, but it was not such a big deal back then. To be honest, if ebf meant I was sacrificing my sleep, I would have ff from day 1, but that's a whole different hard helmet to put on!

And before anyone says it, there's really no need to feel sorry for my children.