Sleep deprivation flip out

[peardropz]

Anyone else had these? My dd has never slept great, slept through for the second time in her life night before last, I knew I shouldn't get excited but when she woke up at 1am last night I just flipped out, swore lots (not proud), couldn't get back to sleep cos I was thinking about how tired I'm gonna be when I go back to work in 2 weeks, how I just don't understand how she can do it one day and not the next, how I felt so good yesterday, so much energy, and today I'm gonna be the same haggard grumpy witch I've been for a year. I was tossing and turning angrily and inexplicably furious at my husband who has had numerous full nights sleep since she was born, swore at him a bit (again not proud).

He was telling me to calm down and I was being ridiculous but aibu to have a meltdown like this every now and again? I just need to get it out of my system. I concede that 1am is not the best time.

This is completely normal and swearing and ranting is a completely normal reaction to frustration. It's also normal to be cross when you think you have cracked something, weaning, sleeping, potty training, spellings and then child seems to have lost that skill.

Do not beat yourself up about it and do not panic.

Try and work out if there was a reason, there might not be, eg super moon was so bright shining through or extra cold.

If you are going back to work then your husband needs to be able to settle back. So maybe tonight and tomorrow agree that he is on duty all night and you don't go in.

Genuine question. Those who say co-sleep, how does that help?

When baby is awake at 3am, they are awake, I don't understand how putting baby in bed with me will help.

Co-sleeping meant I didn't have to get out of bed at all so it wasn't as interrupting to my own sleep. I could doze with DD beside me.

word that's just not true for all babies. A good proportion can be trained but some just do not sleep. Ds wakes dozens of times a night. We've had a lot of investigation medically and sleep consultants/sleep doctors out to observe us. We aren't doing anything to cause it apparently. The consultant (actual medical doctor consultant not a sleep consultant with no real qualifications) told us that 1-2% of perfectly healthy kids just don't sleep.
I appreciate what you're saying - most can be helped with routine changes, but not all - and those parents who have a child like this feel terrible when they see comments like that.

Another "I hear you!" post. Totally normal for little ones not to sleep through at 12 months (mine has done maybe three or four nights around the 22 months mark; he's now 25 months and loving a 4.30 a.m. start unless I can lie completely still with my boob in his mouth - although he does usually go all the way through from 7.30).

I definitely think it's worse when you think they've cracked it then have a bad night. I also worried about going back to work but as pp have said, it's a change of scene and plenty of coffee drinking opportunities.

I go to bed very early which really helps but have had words with my DS in the early hours through sheer tiredness and frustration.

your little one will sleep... one day.

Like Anatidae we've tried everything with DD1. 2 sleep consultants have tried, and concluded that some children just don't sleep all night. Now she's 3 we're working on things she can do when she wakes so that she doesn't disturb everyone else too much.

I don't sleep through the night so don't know why I'd expect my 3 year old to.

SEsofty co-sleeping is great on nights when ds will feed then sleep, feed then sleep... even if he does that 12 times I can doze (although I get agonising pain in my back and hips from lying next to him, a fun hangover from pregnancy...). But if like last night he's just bloody awawake all night and doesn't go back to sleep after feeding then it doesn't help much. Sometimes I give up and we go to 'sleep' in the lounge so DH can actually get some rest!

Also to pp who mentioned that it's harder after you've had a good night - a thousand times yes. I actually feel fine even if I've essentially been awake from 2am onwards then had to go to work as I haven't had more than an hour or two in one go for months. If I actually got a long stretch I know I'd feel like shit when I then had to get up!

Op glad it's helpful to know others are in the same boat and hope it improves for you soon.

Thanks HurricaneSwallows. Wasn't trying to be a twat, but if someone is suffering that much from long term sleep deprivation, the very best thing to do is teach your child to sleep - isn't that logical? I was just trying to say that there are choices.

I am 39 weeks pregnant though, so maybe that's my excuse?!

My dd is also a year old, sleep training just doesn't work with her!! Have tried it all, including a sleep specialist, some babies just don't sleep!

Thanks so much again, these replies are really making me feel much better and glad the thread is helping others too.

Whenever I have these meltdowns it kind of unnerves me but it's reassuring to know it's fairly normal and TBH it's also quite cathartic, I ranted, I cried, then passed out asleep

Co sleeping just doesn't work for us anymore, she actually likes her cot and can't seem to get comfy in our bed, as much as I'd like to not have to get up especially now it's cold!

Martyr yourself if you want to, but it's a choice.

It was this bit of your post wordgetsaround, so simple, so patronising. But anyway like I said I'm not here for sleep training tips, just to have a bit of a moan and talk to others going through the same. Personally I don't think that makes me a martyr, I'm certainly not enjoying this but I also know it's part and parcel of parenting sometimes.

I think we'll just have to agree to disagree then! Feeding back to sleep every night, post 6 months, is definitely a choice, and it's not one I'd make. I need my sleep too much.

the very best thing to do is teach your child to sleep - isn't that logical?

And like I said, I've tried and failed. And trust me, I doubt you need sleep any more than I do. I've just had to learn to cope without it.
Some people think all children are just like theirs. They're not.

It is a choice, but if the child is underweight and won't stop until fed, what do you do? Ds would scream literally all night - once fed he'd drop off again. The conclusion is that Not all babies can go all night. I asked the paediatrician whether I should feed him or. It and her advice was try other things first, but if it doesn't work and you think he's hungry, then feed.
Another thing she said - you train almost any child - the point is what you have to do to do it. Routine adjustment and a couple of nights of cc are acceptable to most. But if what you have to do is break them, or CIO, then most would find that unacceptable.
Not all kids are the same. Not all people are the same. My brother finds running marathons a doddle- I don't. I found doing my PhD a doddle - he dropped out of uni. Neither of us would dream of telling the other to just try harder in order to do something we find easy.

I am currently on another thread on the SLeep board, so I might as well wade in here also.
Babies need sleep. Parents need sleep. Sometimes babies don't sleep for many different reasons.
It is our job as parents to help our babies learn to sleep properly. We do not do this by encouraging them to wake through the night to play, smile, get cuddled or get fed once they are past the newborn phase.
We do not help them to develop healthy sleep patterns by sleeping with them, so every time someone in the bed moves, everyone is awake.
We encourage them to go down in their cots awake so they can learn to self-settle and that being alone is nothing to be scared of. We do not let a tiny baby dictate its routine to the whole family.
This does not mean we love our children any less. Helping them to sleep properly is a great gift to give them.

Wow cathf are you aware how sanctimonious your tone is?

Sleep deprivation is a recognised form of torture for a reason. I really think many cases of PND are purely sleep deprivation (which doesn't make it any less serious or any less real depression). If you're not hurting anyone then a bit of swearing really isn't the end of the world.

The best thing I ever read about baby sleep is that you can't look at it as linear development, it's more like a spiral like a shell.

Sometimes you are on the top and it's good and sometimes you're on the bottom and it's awful again but you are always 'growing' outwards and building on the previous stages.

I try to remember it during my own 1am rages! My DD1 was bloody awful til she was 3 1/2 and I was totally unreasonable in the night so you are not alone in that!! Fingers crossed for tonight!

Some people are such twats.

Sanctimonious twats who think that just because their kids slept they did it right.

I had 2 sleepers (relatively good overall but with blips, which is what most people experience - one slept poorly as a very young baby but OK once mobile, one slept well from the start but had a bad phase around 9 months). I thought I knew what to do by DC3.

DC3 didn't sleep for more than 2 hours at a time until he was 2.5 and didn't sleep through til he was 3.

I realised today that I can't remember 2012 at all and have no photos printed from that year (I usually make physical albums not just online).

I remember flipping out in the locker room at DS1s swimming lesson in late 2011 because lots of people had put clothes in lickers and not put a coin in to lock them so every available looking licker was actually in use and I kept having to open them looking for one to put Ds1's stuff in. Not a reasonable reason to flip out. I also flipped out over a turnstile once...

Patronising twaty superior people on sleep threads deserve a special place in hell (without sleep).

I didn't mean to sound sanctimonious, but I do find it very frustrating when babies rule the roost and parents, although annoyed by it, do not seem to be inclined to actually tackle the problem.
It is outside of my field of reference to be quite cheerful about being woken up every night by a toddler who most probably could have been taught to sleep through months earlier.
I do know some babies just do not sleep. But most would, with a little help.

5more thanks. You sound a reasonable sort. Maybe you need more sleep?

Whether you meant to or not yes you sounded sanctimonious. Do you have the secret, then? What is that "a little help" you speak of? Please do share it. Thousands of us will be getting a full nights sleep tonight if your solution is as great as you seem to be saying it is.

And a word to the wise:don't goad people who haven't slept in months, it's pure mean.

cathf but my ds screams the minute you put him down, and gets increasingly hysterical even if you cuddle him, until he's fed. This can go on for half an hour (I haven't made it beyond that). We live in a flat so can't just leave him to scream. Not all babies react to 'help'.

cathf I get plenty of sleep these days, but I haven't forgotten what it was like. Goady sanctimonious people like you made it far worse because you seeped in everywhere so that there wasn't even a safe anonymous place for a vent and a bit of sympathy from people who actually understood.

It passes, but while it is going on the right response is tea/coffee and sympathy or to stay off the thread if you've nothing but sanctimonious twattery on offer - you clearly have no idea what a real non sleeper is like (not an easily trained baby, a non sleeper).