Sleep deprivation flip out

[peardropz]

Anyone else had these? My dd has never slept great, slept through for the second time in her life night before last, I knew I shouldn't get excited but when she woke up at 1am last night I just flipped out, swore lots (not proud), couldn't get back to sleep cos I was thinking about how tired I'm gonna be when I go back to work in 2 weeks, how I just don't understand how she can do it one day and not the next, how I felt so good yesterday, so much energy, and today I'm gonna be the same haggard grumpy witch I've been for a year. I was tossing and turning angrily and inexplicably furious at my husband who has had numerous full nights sleep since she was born, swore at him a bit (again not proud).

He was telling me to calm down and I was being ridiculous but aibu to have a meltdown like this every now and again? I just need to get it out of my system. I concede that 1am is not the best time.

Also there are periods when it gets better and I don't know if I've mentioned (only one million times, clearly obsessed ) but she slept through night before last so I thought HOORAY she got there on her own!

Well I'm not going to tell you to stop bfing x

I still think your husband can be a bit more supportive than telling you to calm down . Do you co sleep? Could that be an option?

Can he help nestling her to sleep after she's fed? Or get up and fetch her? Or get up with her in the morning so you can have an extra half hour in bed?

I feel your pain.

The fact you're thinking about when you're going back to work will make it harder to cope with. I find that. Sometimes I mutter to myself "I'll sleep when I'm dead"

I've been there op. Sleep deprivation is hell and it's a special kind of hell when it's long term and caused by the very person you love most in the whole world!
My eldest slept well, my youngest didn't. He's 2 1/2 and still isn't brilliant.
Two bad episodes come to mind. Chicken pox at 4 months - he was not too bad with it compared to his brother, but was waking 1-2 hourly for 2 weeks. I was getting regular peripheral hallucinations by the end of that.
Then bronchiolitis at 9 months. He went from waking 1 2 times a night to hourly wake ups again. I think averaged 2 hours of broken sleep a night for those weeks. Hell doesn't cover it.
He's never really self settled and that's the problem. We did controlled crying at 10 month and it worked, until 14 months and it all went to pot again. Ended up co-sleeping until quite recently. He still comes in to us in the early hours maybe 1 night in 3.
Wish I could offer some advice, but I can't, just sympathy!

10mo ds was literally awake all night last night feeding. A good night for him is maybe a 2 hour block of sleep then a few hours long blocks if I'm lucky but waking often is totally normal here and I can only get through it by co-sleeping and telling myself it's not forever! Totally fine to have a breakdown every now and then but if you can try to find ways of coping / getting more support before reaching that point then all the better. I've definitely had 1am rages directly at my son so am by definition a worse mum than you already I now approach night with the expectation of no sleep and any other do get is a bonus. I've been back at work for a month and it's not actually as bad as I thought so try not to panic as you'll find ways of adjusting.

Does your DH not do any of the nights?

I get you OP.

I've got 4 DCs. Older 3 were amazing sleepers form 6 weeks onwards but youngest is a bloody nightmare for not sleeping through. I can deal with 99.9% of what parenting throws at me with a smile but I HATE disturbed sleep. I get instantly and unreasonably cross about it (not cross at DD4, just cross and tearful while sloping across the landing to and from her room or down to get her a drink ect).

DH is brilliant at wanting to do 50/50 but he does a physical full time job and i'm a SAHM so i do most of the getting up. When i've parented on my own for 12+ hours in the day i neeeeeeed a solid mental break from it for a good while or i genuinely gradually go a bit bonkers.

OP I feel your pain. My baby is a bottle refuser and only responds to being bf to sleep. DD was the same until 13 months. She's nearly three now and is going through a stage of waking up every single night crying, because she's scared of Rupert Bear Thanks for that Centre Parcs.

Six month old baby waking up constantly because he's teething and wants to chew feed on the boob. It's exhausting. To top it off I hate coffee so have to just muddle through the day like a zombie. Actually zombies have more joie de vivre about them

Oh I missed where you said you bf her back to sleep.

She's nearly three now and is going through a stage of waking up every single night crying, because she's scared of Rupert Bear hmm Thanks for that Centre Parcs.

Sorry i had to laugh at that. Same sort of thing here - DD4 is nearly three and currently her night wakings are down to ''Thinking about xmas trees'' (our tree isn't up - what's going to happen when it is??!)

Pear I get how you are feeling. My DD is 9 months but I'm also back to work in 2 weeks. She is having 1 or 2 breastfeeds a night. Most nights I'm fine, occasionally I have just had enough! I'm hoping she will sleep through naturally so I don't have to actively night wean. She gets so cross when not offered a night feed. I hope your DD remembers how to sleep through again soon

Been there OP. Sympathies.
My 3 yr old isn't sleeping through at the moment as he has a cough. He's been poorly with cold after cold for the last 6 weeks. I'm 8 months pregnant. Not feeling great! DH does his fair share though. I would suggest getting yours to help more and think about night weaning, mainly so he can help you.
Others saying they should sleep through aren't much help. Even if they're not waking to feed there will be something that wakes them sometimes.

All the posters upthread saying "no excuses, you need to sleep train" seem to be missing a vital dose of empathy this morning. Not everyone wants to leave their babies to scream themselves to sleep.

I went back to work 3 months ago and have a regular waking boob obsessed 11 month DS. His sister (now 3) was similar and now sleeps through solidly every single night. They need love and comfort in the night. I go to the whenever they cry (not when they mumble in sleep) and bf back to sleep, as long as it takes. Yes I'm tired but I am functioning fine.

I have my first night away from home this weekend, DH works FT and hasn't been doing the night wakings so far. It's a bit cold turkey for the both of them but it's only one night and I know I need a break so I'm fine with it.

Good luck OP. And remember mumsnet is here even at 3am!!!

'Farty bum', coughing, thirst, nightmare, snotty nose, teddy fallen out of bed, car horn outside, wrapped up in duvet and got hot, xmas tree thoughts (!) ... these are things DD has cried about in the last week or so.

What can you do? It's all or nothing at the mo. She either sleeps right through for 12 hours (JOY!) or wakes 3 or 4 times a night with stuff like the above. 'Getting firm' does not work with her. It winds hers up even more.

Thanks all, it honestly helps SO much to know other people have been/are going through it.

Dh is supportive I swear, I don't think 1am is a good time for either of us to be very rational TBH . And I think it took him by surprise really.

She's a bit sniffly this morning so that might've affected things.

Anyway it's Friday so that's good!

Some of these reasons for older ones waking up are making me laugh! sometimes I wish dd could speak so she could tell me what's up but then again maybe I don't

"Christmas tree thoughts"! I'm giggling into my coffee.

laiste that's hilarious. Whatever you do don't read her Mog at Christmas. DD woke a few times worried about the walking talking Christmas tree. Cue a week of reassuring her that Mr Thomas was the culprit, not the tree

I completely feel your pain. 6 mo DS has never slept for more than three hours, and with two bouts of bronchiolitis, a chest infection, and those damn immunisations it's more like every 40 mins sometimes. I could cry with rage and exhaustion when I'm trying to get back to sleep the 5th or 6th time on a night!! And yes, DH does his bit- he takes him from 9-2.
Reasons my three year old wakes up-
I had a dream that someone stole my biscuit
My covers are broken
There's a hole in the floor and it's talking to me- creepy!!
No advice, just a pat on the back for soldiering through such a hard time.

Give her water in a bottle to get her night weaned.

Yes i have flipped out too. It doesn't actually sound like you need tips or advice really. But just to say yes, in the middle of the night there have been a few odd flip out moments when tiredness and frustration have caught up with me.
Also when i worked - a job i loved but with long hours and constant deadlines then the first few days i was on holiday i would be ill. As tho my body went "ah -time to relax, don't have to keep going, i will now succumb to a cold, sore throat etc"
And with sleep deprivation i found my body's reaction after getting a good chunk of sleep would be to go more, more, more.
So to me it makes a lot of sense that you flipped out after the good night iyswim.

OP, the first time my DD slept through the night was the week before her fourth birthday. I tried everything. I beat myself up about it. When she was 2yrs old I stopped feeding her back to sleep and gave her water when she woke instead. Didn't help. The time I went against all my instincts and decided to let her cry it out, she vomited from crying so much. There was no way I was going to try that again.

I'm not saying this to depress you. I'm saying it to let you know that you're not alone, and that I know exactly how frustrating and demoralising - and criticising - it is when people tell you "oh, there's no reason they can't sleep through by the age of x months". That's bollocks.

Your DD has already slept through the night so you're ahead of the game! And it's a waiting game. She'll get there. For me, I eventually stopped beating myself up about it and just co-slept to maximise the rest I got.

She's 6yo now. She's smart and happy and generally sleeps 11hrs a night. A couple of times a week she'll wake in the night but she goes straight back over. Now my lack of sleep is due to my own insomnia...

Empathy here I'm feeling a bit down at the moment and it's a lot to do with sleep deprivation. Working long hours to pay bills then coming back to a non sleeping 5 year old.
It's so nice to read that I'm not alone. Thank you everyone

Totally normal- sleep deprivation does horrible things to you.

DP and I never argue other than in the middle of the night when DD wakes up for 25th time.

Be kind to yourself and share the load. DD is BF but will settle fine with a cuddle from her daddy so make sure he does his fair share.

Kids sure do test you- DD got so much better just before I started back at work, sleeping through, then BAM up every hour again whilst I'm also trying to be a normal human being at work.

Also laughing at the older children's reasons for not sleeping.
Last week DD4 woke twice and I ended up getting in her bed. She said "sorry mummy, I was just excited about getting bunk beds"
DS is 7 months, they'll be getting bunk beds when he goes in a bed. So at least another year or two yet