Aibu to hope for a thank you for wedding gift

[OfGurls]

Wedding was in September. I left gift with best man, as I assumed that's what I was supposed to do.
Other than a general thanks for all your gifts, in the wedding speeches, should I expect a card or phone call or something specific to me? What's the done thing these days?
Or should I check to see if couple even got it?

We got married in October and didn't get some of the thank yous out until the New Year. A three week honeymoon, a house move, a very ill parent and a busy job all put paid to that.

Be patient. I had to write about 80 odd letters. That took me a long time with everything else going on!

I never sent thank you cards for my wedding. Found a three weeks after wedding that exH had an affair before wedding. Yes I still think I could have/ should have sent them (and still feel embarrassed about it now) but it was such a shit time that it was the last thing on my mind. I stayed with him for a few year after and no one knew about it so people who attended my wedding may well have been on here moaning about me!

Yes usually it's because people are rude and the 'busy' excuse is rubbish but you never actually know what's going on in someone's life: misscarriage? Cancer diagnosis? Etc

I don't know why so many on this thread feel they can speak for everyone else's guests. All of them.

How can you possibly know what they'd prefer? Everyone's different. I love to get a photo of the day and would find a shop bought card somewhat meh.

Cross post with chipmunk. But exactly what they said. With bells on.

You see - we will get both from our friends. Well not a generic shop card - they took time to write a letter on nice paper. And we will get to see the photographs too, at a later date. But the thank you whilst its all still fresh in our mind was lovely.

ChipmunkSundays - no generic notes here by the way. Okay it wasn't a massive letter - but a normal letter sized piece of paper, handwritten, personalised and genuinely well meant/thought. And yes - all the guests we knew there did get a thank you letter . Granted some might not of, but knowing our friends it is unlikely. I bet they really did just spend one of the day that week, sat down and writing them - probably with a glass of fizz or two and reminiscing about the day.

And it was still more personalised than a lot of the professional photo cards you see - its still the message inside which has to be written after all.

I got married 12 years ago and didn't realise it was expected to send thank you cards so I didn't.

I wouldn't however normally expect a thank you letter that quick. I think a month or so is more normal in my experience. But it seems 3 months is more normal for some.

It does annoy me that it seems to fall on the wife to write and send the thank you cards.

I wrote ours and my DH had the single job of putting addresses on those for his friends and family. I even provided him with stamps. Stuck on the envelopes! All mine went out, but only around half of his were sent. I still find the odd one about the house now and our wedding was two years ago. He's not a child, and there's only so many nudges I'm prepared to give him. I'm sure his grandmother probably holds me responsible of not having the manners though!

The ones sent probably went out within two months.

Did you thank the organisers for the wedding do/meal etc?

I like and expect a thank you in any form so long as it's personally to me/us. Card, text etc. I once put money in a colleagues card from me personally. I directly asked her about three months later if she'd got it to which she said oh I thought you'd put in the general collection!

I don't know why so many on this thread feel they can speak for everyone else's guests. All of them. hmm

How can you possibly know what they'd prefer? Everyone's different.

Yep. It's the same drill as we always have with the Christmas card threads, though. People confidently declaiming that everyone loves receiving their cards. When the reality is that some people adore them, feel it's not Christmas without them and would resent not getting them, other people wish you wouldn't send that crap to their house and kill all those trees and keep the wifework treadmill going, and still others are somewhere in the middle. Realistically, we probably all have some of both extreme in our social circles.

Some guests really are never happy I suppose

We've got it nice and easy. Getting married week before Christmas; every family of guests is getting a Christmas card with a generic "thank you for coming to our wedding" message, which will hopefully tide them over and prevent them writing any Mumsnet threads about us until the professional pictures come back and we can do a nicer, more personal thank you card.

Oh and soon-to-be DH will end up writing them because I don't have the attention span. I managed three Christmas cards before losing interest and wandering away

I recently got one 11 months after the wedding. Total silence before that (I couldn't go to the wedding and assumed that was why I was frozen out). Surprised but better late than never. Suddenly started getting texts again and how generous I was and will I come meet the baby the day after the christening.
I honestly don't know if it was extreme ditziness and being unorganised that led to thanks nearly a year late or if it was so I wouldn't have an excuse not to send a baby present

Yes I'm being horribly cynical I know

We had a gift list so I knew before the wedding who had bought us what. That way I was able to write all those thank you letters whilst on honeymoon, leaving very few to do on return. I was brought up to always write a thank you letter. I've slacked a bit in adulthood but something like a wedding is different imo. I also always write to thank a wedding host.

Sorry Im amongst the no excuses brigade. Allow a month maximum because of honeymoon, moving perhaps etc. When I married I had a good idea of how many thanks there might need to be and prepared a good batch beforehand so just had to personalise afterwards. People dont want fancy wedding pictures on expensive pre printed cards as that kind of thing is just an ego trip they want a few simple words albeit brief but personal. Its the laxness of current life making a bit more effort than a quick text. Did you linger in sending the wedding invites out - bet you didnt?

Another one who thinks they're qualified to say what 'people' want...

Did you linger in sending the wedding invites out - bet you didnt?

I sent the invites out about 8 weeks before, in line with the generally agreed etiquette. Exactly the same approach I took to sending out the thank-yous.

I know lots of people wait for the wedding photos and use them as thank you cards

Didn't you have anything better to do on honeymoon wonderwoman?

I think it generally is a case of people by people i.e you may sent to all attendees/just immediate party/i dont want to send a damn thing . Tbh if you arent that close card isnt needed neither is extravigant gift. No expectations..best way to be (Imo)