Aibu to hope for a thank you for wedding gift

[OfGurls]

Wedding was in September. I left gift with best man, as I assumed that's what I was supposed to do.
Other than a general thanks for all your gifts, in the wedding speeches, should I expect a card or phone call or something specific to me? What's the done thing these days?
Or should I check to see if couple even got it?

Normally I would say it's being silly and precious to fuss over whether you get a thank you or not. But if there's genuine reason to believe they might not have got the present (and you know them, I don't, so you're best placed to say if that's plausible) then by all means check they got it.

I don't see why it takes people 3 months to send out thank you cards. Nobody cares if they don't have a wedding photo on them!

I'm getting married next year and like to think the cards will be sent out within a few days, and certainly before the honeymoon.

Personally I would much prefer an early personal verbal thank you,text ,phone call or email.Otherwise a thank you note.No individual acknowledgement of gift is unacceptable but seems not uncommon.

I've given up hoping to get a thank you for a (cash) gift for a wedding we went to in August 2014. Haven't yet had one for a gift given at a wedding in June (but don't expect one, knowing the bride) and the last wedding we went to was at the beginning of September so I won't write that one off just yet.

Hissy said it all brilliantly!

Photo might not be important to you but is to some. I know, particularly older people we invited, don't have access to things like facebook ,don't have phones with photos on so may not actually have seen any so it's nice to share that, especially when you have spent so much money on the photographer. Everything is so easy to some but reality, and sitting down to write quite a lot of cards is a task that takes a lot of time.

And definitely takes more than an hour to write them!

so true. If you had time to organise your wedding, I can't see how you are struggling to find time to write thank you cards.

older people we invited, don't have access to things like facebook

So send those (very) few people a photo separately when the photos arrive.

The photo is really not important to the vast majority of your guests.

What some random on the Internet thinks regards photo is irrelevant if it's the done thing within your social circle and the bride and groom want to do it.

And that'll take more than a month.

And that'll take more than a month

Utter nonsense. I did send thank you cards with photos - fully aware most would end up in the bin, but that's not the point, could't find a design I liked. It took less than a month to choose the photos, order the cards, receive them, write them and send them (with a full time job).

My point was not for or against photos, but how wrong it is to use photos to delay sending polite thank you notes.

Doing the cards the way I wanted them took more than a month. 2 weeks honeymoon, 3 weeks after that to get the photos back, I designed the cards myself and wrote a (fairly detailed) personal note in each.

All the etiquette points of reference are clear that 3 months is an acceptable time frame.

If random people on the internet have a problem with that, that's their issue.

Completely agree LaurieMarlow!

I don't have a problem with that, just pointing out that taking 6 months to say thank you is rude, and 3 months unnecessary (at best). whilst still better than no thank you at all You design (or chose the design) of the cards BEFORE the wedding, so you only have to pick a photo and order! Guests are really not that bothered about the cards at all, they just appreciate a thank-you sent in a gracious time.

Christ, I had enough to do before the wedding without designing the cards too. We had a much shorter time frame than many, plus my job was stir crazy at the time. Etiquette says 3 months, that's what we worked to.

there you go, priorities. It's up to you to put the guests at the bottom of your to do list and then fuss for months to send a card. It doesn't have to take months to chose a design. I just know that guests appreciate a thank you, especially elderly relative who probably don't receive that many letters nowadays ,and are grateful that you take the time and effort to do things promptly. 6 months later, your wedding really is old news for guests.

3 months later, we had moved on to others things too, it's like sending Christmas cards at Easter Time!

Or, y'know, send out nicely designed, detailed personalised notes to people within a widely agreed acceptable time-frame

www.huffingtonpost.com/2015/03/02/send-wedding-thank-you-notes-by_n_6785528.html
www.theknot.com/content/a-complete-guide-to-sending-thank-you-notes
emilypost.com/advice/wedding-thank-yous/

if the internet says so!

I receive most thank you cards, with a very nice message inside within a month or 2 of the weddings at the most. I have also received a couple of cards months later, with a printed message inside and the signature of the bride/ groom inside . It must have taken them weeks to design the message inside I guess. Still appreciated, but it's not the same.

I just know that guests appreciate a thank you

Rather depends on the guests. Personally I find them a waste of time, effort and paper and much prefer a thank you via modern means of communication. If the couple feel the need to go beyond a face to face thank you at all, that is.

There's always a polite way to check that the gift has been received, without saying "where's my thank-you card?". You could, in the example of the doorstep delivery, say you're terribly worried that the parcel went missing as it looks as if it was incorrectly delivered.

In case of the pissed-off best man, a bit more awkward... can you not ask the best man straight out, if he handed it over?

I don't even know the best man's name so no way of asking him! The bride is an old friend but not so much lately.
It was over 100 pounds and a stretch that month, but an old friend who I thought would appreciate it. I'm not going to say anything until post Christmas. Maybe they are combining xmas/thank you cards. But will ask her in Jan if she got it after the 3 month mark.

I sent mine within a week of our wedding because we had that time before going on honeymoon.

Apparently 'some people' thought doing them that soon looked odd and, bizarrely, a bit grabby. I don't know why. Although I strongly suspect that the person who told me it was 'some people' was just being weird about it herself.

A lot of people, as we did, like to use some of the professional pictures for the thank you cards, in which case it's normally about a three month wait.

Im surprised at the time delay with some wedding thank you.

Our friends got married two weeks ago today. They sent thank you letters out before they went on their honeymoon, a few days after their wedding. - so within a week! I was very impressed at the speediness.

I'd say a month or so and they should be out ideally, (same as other thank yous) but seems I am out of touch reading through this.

I got married in June and haven't got round to sending our thank you cards yet 🙈 . We have got the cards that we had professionally made after we got our photos back. It's not that we're ungrateful, it's just that time seems to have slipped away from us with us both working full time and having 2 LOs. We thanked pretty much everyone on the day and have since thanked everyone we have seen or spoken to. I have been to a few weddings where we haven't received a thank you card

The letter we received was not some fancy professional photo. Our friends just got organised, sat down and wrote a short but personalised letter to their guests. They had about a 100 guests in total - most people were in couples, or family groups - so less than 50 letters to write, less than 25 each.

We will see professional photos later when they arrive. Plus we were there not he day oho know what they looked like at the wedding. Its not like I am going to display the photograph or anything anyway.

The important thing to send is the thank you, not the images. I can guarantee that. the whole personalised card with photo thing is just pushed by the photographers to get you to send more money, don't fall for it. Your guests will pretty much all prefer to have a thank you for their gift sooner, rather than waiting for one with a picture on it.