DD12 has decided to become a vegan

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My daughter who is 12 but 13 next month has decided to become a vegan.
I think she may have a friend at school who is a vegan but I am not exactly sure. She is now refusing to eat anything and before she was a very good eater. She wont eat dairy products at all, meat or chicken. She is refusing to eat breakfast too and for lunch at school today she just had plain rice and nothing else.

I don't know how to deal with this at all so any help good or bad would be appreciated. My husband tells me to just cook what I normally do and if she doesn't want it then she don't have to have it - her choice. I know he is right but at the same time she is not eating much. All she is eating at the moment is rice, noodles, pasta and jacket potatoes.

I made avgolemono soup once and it was indeed delish. It has chicken in it as well. It's more of a chicken soup than a 'lemon' or 'egg' soup, to be fair.

Veganism - a nuisance for others but with careful planning almost possible to be nutritionally complete. My understanding from the dieticians I have worked with is not entirely complete therefore some supplements recommended.
HOWEVER,
I would strongly consider a trip to the GP to exclude an emerging eating disorder in your DD. I work in mental health, previously with adolescents, and this story is very common in girls who develop eating disoreders. Caught early you can nip it in the bud. Do not ignore any signs of an eatign disorder, best outcomes are if treated early. Hopefully this won't be e case though. Good luck.

I was just going to say that about it being essentially a chicken soup ....:)

And in addition to what dairymilk said, you should also
ask her to seriously consider how much she wants a decent social life as an adult because as a vegan it's a fairly safe bet that she won't be at the top of anyone's dinner party list, either for the high maintenance dietary requirements or the killjoy conversation as everyone tucks into their steak and butter fest 😂😂😂

I haven't read the full thread but I think if it was my daughter, I would sit with her, research proper health details about it and plan some meals together.

Surely the best way to tell if it is an eating disorder is to make her vegan meals and see if she eats them?

Exactly.

Jelly. No I didn't miss that bit. I have an allergy to milk, so not eating anything with milk in is more of a health issue than a choice and even I've eaten meals swimming in butter because I would have been a huge Arse and caused an enormous fuss if I'd pointed out that my dairy free meal contained as much butter as it is possible to cram into a meal.

She's 12 and all of this is new. She was probably too embarrassed to refuse.

YANBU to hope that this is a phase, because it is hard work when one member of the family has different dietary requirements.

However, you would be unreasonable not to support her in her chosen diet until/unless she decides it's not for her.

Ask her to research how the normal family meals you tend to cook could be adapted to accommodate her, whilst still ensuring she has a good mix of vitamins, protein, etc. It's not unreasonable to get her to do a lot of the leg work, but it would be unreasonable to ignore her completely.

She's old enough to have an opinion on eating animals and animal products. Even if it differs to your one.

DC left Biology class because she was against dissecting a dead animal part (can't remember which one). There was several other children who also left for apparently 'similar' reasons. Conversation went something like this.

My DC: "Oh, I didn't know you were vegetarian/vegan"
Other DC: "I am not"
My DC: "So why are you out here then?"
Other DC: "because I don't like touching meat"
My DC: "But you eat meat?"
Other DC: "Yeah, I put it in my mouth, I don't touch it...duh"

I became vegetarian at 8 because I was a huge animal lovers. 12 years later I caved and ate a chicken korma but my parents catered for me and respected my choice so I would try that first and see if she is eating.

This list might help with shopping.

Mike Tyson is a vegan???

snort!

Was he a vegan when he bit off that bloke's earole?

Sometimes vegan does = arsehole!!

Don't pander to her, cook your food as normal and serve it to her. She will either have to give in and eat, or slowly starve!

Failing that, give her plain, boring food - plain rice or pasta perhaps - day in, day out, while at the same time preparing delicious meals for everyone else (you could even make delicious vegan meals, but taunt her by saying "oops, I used a tiny amount of butter in this, so you can't have any dear. What a pity!").

When she pays her own way and buys her own food she can make a choice as to what she eats. At 12 or 13, she must learn to shut up and be grateful for what she is given. Smash her spirit and bring her into line.

Smash her spirit and bring her into line

WTF? I hope that's a joke.

You do realise that vast swathes of people in other cultures are vegetarians and vegans, and perfectly healthy. Plus, it's substantially cheaper than a meat based diet. My food bill has halved, and we eat really well, lots of fresh fruit and vegetables, pulses and beans, etc. And we've lost weight too.

It's really not hard. Make pizzas, just put vegan cheese on hers (Tescos medium - looks like Red Leicester, is the nicest). Plenty of pasta dishes are vegetarian or vegan, sub red lentils in a bolognaise sauce, or for shepherds pie. Linda McCartney sausages are gorgeous (veg not vegan, but the egg is free range so she might feel ok with that). Sacla do Free From pesto.

Ask her if she'd eat eggs if they were from a local person with well cared from hens.

WLF you sound really cuntish.

Don't pander to her, cook your food as normal and serve it to her. She will either have to give in and eat, or slowly starve!

Failing that, give her plain, boring food - plain rice or pasta perhaps - day in, day out, while at the same time preparing delicious meals for everyone else (you could even make delicious vegan meals, but taunt her by saying "oops, I used a tiny amount of butter in this, so you can't have any dear. What a pity!").

When she pays her own way and buys her own food she can make a choice as to what she eats. At 12 or 13, she must learn to shut up and be grateful for what she is given. Smash her spirit and bring her into line.

-

Was you born with this much intolerance and hate, or did it grow on you?

I'd agree a compromise - that you fully support her dietary choices, but that she must eat a nutritionally balanced diet. In particular lots of vegetables, plenty of fruit, and get some fat intake from nuts and avocados, etc. Plus a B12 supplement. She'll make herself ill if she tries to exist on noodles and rice.

I eat a very plant based diet and also have a dairy allergy. I eat ALOT of things that are vegan. You will be surprised how many things are vegan by default. Sunday roast minus the meat, tomato based pasta dishes etc. Oreo biscuits, mcdonnalds chips amongst others all vegan too so can get vegan junk food.

My advise is get her to look on facebook hundreds of groups loads uk based that I am a member of they will be able to help loads plus you will see loads food and recipie ideas. Ditto with you tube videos.

All supermarkets have lists you can download of which are there products are vegan.

I also find alot of cheaper products ie. Tesco value etc are accidently vegan as they dont use cheaper ingridients so no butter or cream etc.

Specialist products usually rip you off when there is a perfectly good alturnitive readily available and accidently vegan.

Also you can get apps which I strongly reccomend for her which you put in your food and it vitamin and mineral counts for you and summerises. Espesially important when vegan. Tell you what you need to up in your diet.

Stay away from cookbooks all a bit fancy for a 14year old. Facebook is the way to go. Youtube also.

Any questions feel free to DM.

Tonight's dinner. 'Meatballs', mash, carrots, broccoli, and lingonberry jam. Took 15 minutes to make, there's egg in the Quorn meatballs, the rest is vegan. DD2's carnivorous BF is wolfing it down. Quicker, cheaper, and Jerry st as good as Ikea's

My dd (6) has recently said she wants to vegetarian. She tried for vegan but I said no. She's only 6 so a lot easier to say no than for you. We keep chickens so have eggs in the garden and are high welfare so don't have issues with that. We get organic dairy to try to get highest welfare although I know still leaves lot to be desired. It's perhaps worth discussing with your dd whether she would eat organic eggs and dairy.

I told my dd that my job as a parent is to ensure she eats a healthy diet. She can be vege but only if she eats everything I cook. I got the Anna Jones cookbook, went through it with her, and said she could only be vegetarian if she ate everything in it. It's a great book and nearly everything can be vegan. But, the food is pretty challenging for kids so I thought she would give up. I also said she couldn't have haribo etc as that has gelatine. I was a bit mean and didn't say there are vegetarian sweet options as I wanted to be sure she was really serious. Limiting what you eat when you're growing is a serious thing and has implications for the cook and the rest of the family.

I became vegetarian at 11, which my parents supported. Although my mum was really accommodating and put lots of effort into making healthy balanced meals I was nearly always anemic. I wish I hadn't been wholly vegetarian and rather eaten high welfare organic meat occasionally. The text in Hugh FW meat book is an excellent review of the morals of eating meat and our appalling farming system. I really recommend reading that with your dd and discussing her reasons. I stopped being vegetarian when I was 32 so was vegetarian for 20 years although because of my dd am now largely vegetarian again (now 40).

My dd has stuck to her promise and eats what I give her. I personally want to support her as a vegetarian diet is what we should all be aiming for, for health, animal welfare, and environment. As others have said, it is relatively easy. However, it's also easy to be vegetarian and just eat loads of pasta and not be healthy at all.

Vegan is much more challenging.

Id encourage her to read some vegan cookbooks. Or even google recipies.
Have a good look at labels on food.
For instance tescos value garlic bread is suitable for vegans
Brothers ciders are vegan
Use sunflower spread instead of butter.
Tins of chickpeas and various beans are easily found, saves on soaking and boiling time.
Vegan cheese both hard and soft are available.
Its so easy to get soya, almond, nut milks these days.
Tofu is also available in most supermarkets. On its own it can be bland but it does absorb flavours of sauces nicely.
Soups can be a great standby- lentil soup will give protein as well as veg. Soften onions, carrots , whatever veg you fancy in olive oil. Add some rinsed lentil, dried herbs water and salt pepper to taste.

I haven't RTFT yet, but I had to respond when I read this:

I imagine it will fizzle out pretty quickly. Especially once she actually tastes most vegan food.

I suppose, being kind (and I always try to be kind to the less informed), you must have had bad experiences with vegan food. That's obviously your bad luck, since most vegan food is excellent.

Then I read your post again, SlottedSpoon, and came across this little gem, which at first I was prepared to let go:

Sorry but if my child of 12 wanted to become vegan I'd be making it clear that they'd have to do all their own cooking from now on. That should cure it pretty sharpish.

That is such a revealing statement which tells us far more about you than you realise!

Firstly, it's completely prejudiced - and there's an evident lack of respect and empathy for your daughter and her choices.

Then you show your lack of understanding of vegan nutrition:

I simply do not believe that veganism is a sensible or healthy way to eat, especially not for a growing child about to go through puberty.

A read through this thread would go a long way to addressing this.

But is that enough?

It seems to me there are three reasons for going vegan - each one of them sufficient in its own right:
Concern for your own health;
Concern for animal welfare; and,
Concern for the planet:

4 families raising vegan youngsters.

Vegan Kids

Novak Djokovic is a vegan - in fact he's opened his own vegan restaurant in Monaco.

Bill Clinton went vegan to avoid having another heart attack.

It's the future, folks!

If anyone is wondering what to buy a vegan for Christmas, Dolma have a Black Friday offer on perfumes etc. I have just bought DS's partner a gift box consisting of all-vegan products.

Great post Breadandwine