DD12 has decided to become a vegan

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My daughter who is 12 but 13 next month has decided to become a vegan.
I think she may have a friend at school who is a vegan but I am not exactly sure. She is now refusing to eat anything and before she was a very good eater. She wont eat dairy products at all, meat or chicken. She is refusing to eat breakfast too and for lunch at school today she just had plain rice and nothing else.

I don't know how to deal with this at all so any help good or bad would be appreciated. My husband tells me to just cook what I normally do and if she doesn't want it then she don't have to have it - her choice. I know he is right but at the same time she is not eating much. All she is eating at the moment is rice, noodles, pasta and jacket potatoes.

As a growing girl enjoying puberty, she needs iron supplements. Anemia makes you exhausted. I am not a vegetarian, but was anorexic in the past.

Is she also being vegan with regards to make up and toiletries?

And clothes and shoes!

While I'm sure it is relatively easy to change your own diet, the OP and her dh are not even vegetarians so in order to support their dd they will need to buy new products and cook new meals. It will involve extra expenses and at least some degree of hassle.

If you are the sort of family that eats the same meal together every night then one person radically changing their diet is not a small issue. The dd in question is relatively young and will need lots of support making such a big dietary change so that's another investment too.

I have a vegetarian relative staying over Christmas and have been thinking and planning for it for a while now, where I'd not really have any concerns if I was basing my meals around meat or fish as I usually do. I doubt I make a cooked vegan meal more than once a month or so so I'd have to learn a whole bunch of new dishes to accommodate a vegan dd. I'm sure some of them would be delicious, but I don't think it's helpful to say that it will be no work /easy in the OP's household.

There are fantastic vegan Instagram and Facebook accounts full of recipes and information. You become a very creative cook. As she is eating very little and not interested in learning how to cook alternatives though it does sounds as though it may be a cover story for disordered eating. It could also be that she just doesn't know where to start.

Maybe buy her a book by Isa Chandra. She has great vegan recipes and appeals to younger people. Great website as well.

Sorry but if my child of 12 wanted to become vegan I'd be making it clear that they'd have to do all their own cooking from now on. That should cure it pretty sharpish.

I don't think many 12 year olds are capable of understanding what they need to eat as vegans in order to be properly healthy, or of quite how limiting and puritanical it is going to be for them in the long haul. You have a family to cook for which is tiresome enough without having to start with this nonsense.

If she wanted to go vegetarian while the rest of you remain meat eaters, then that I would cooperate with. a) because it's easier and b) because it's much easier to make it a healthy and nutrionally complete than veganism.

I simply do not believe that veganism is a sensible or healthy way to eat, especially not for a growing child about to go through puberty. While she is still a child you have to be able to put your foot down over certain things if you do not believe that they are in her best interests, just as you would with anything else.

I'm not suggesting you force feed her food she doesn't want to eat, but I would be telling her that if she wants a vegan diet she will have plan it, shop for it (you pay obviously) and to cook it for herself and that you will be happy to help with vegetarian food but nothing more than that. And insist that you check her menu plans to make sure they are not massively deficient nutritionally.

I think perhaps she ate the food at your MILs because she didn't feel robust enough to have a discussion with her about it and did it for an easy life. Whereas with you she feels more confident about making demands at home with you and DH.

I agree with your DH, don't pander too much to her and do keep an eye out for signs of an ED. Quite honestly if you don't bend over backwards to facilitate this I imagine it will fizzle out pretty quickly. Especially once she actually tastes most vegan food.

The very real danger is that she will want to start living on sweets and crap like crisps because it's easier and less challenging than eating proper vegan food and she's hungry all the time.

Surely the best way to tell if it is an eating disorder is to make her vegan meals and see if she eats them?

We are all vegan in our house, after being Omani for 30 years and it is not a problem or difficult to cater for at all.

Jilted that's how we became almost vegan*

I have a dairy allergy, and a food intolerance to red meat. We started eating more vegan meals, found we felt healthier and had more energy, plus we felt better ethically. It's not difficult, but we do take Troo supplements (suitable for vegans).

• we eat eggs only from the lovely egg lady down the road. Her hens are seriously spoilt, and lead lovely lives. We won't buy products with egg in them, apart from LM which are supposed to be ok.

It's not possible to be vegan and post on threads here. Animal products are used in the semiconductor industry to make phones and tablets. Carcasses are rendered to make stearic acic which is used widely in computer components contained within adhesives.
Even bicycle and car tyres. contain animal products.

So you can't really call yourself a vegan if you support the use of animal products in items you buy.

roogirl.com/20-everyday-items-that-contain-animal-ingredients/

OP I would support your DD and buy her a vegan cookbook and show her how to prepare her own food. At 12 she's old enough to do her own dinners with a little bit of help so it shouldn't have to mean extra work for you.
It would do the whole family good to have a couple of meat free dinners a week. It's so much easier to be vegan these days it's less radical then some of the ideas she could have. As long as she's eating enough food I think she's old enough the make this kind of ethical decision. We're a meat eating family but I would help my daughter if she wanted to change her diet.

Love that veganism is incompatible with internet use...

If she is really wanting this and it isn't competive fussy eating or worse, fine - she finds out what is needed and makes a meal plan and shopping list. Remembering that vegans need b12, which is obtained by supplementation, fortification or animal defecation.

I simply do not believe that veganism is a sensible or healthy way to eat, especially not for a growing child about to go through puberty.

You need to educate yourself. There are plenty of good books and documentaries on how a plant-based diet is by far the healthiest for a human. Try watching Food Choices and Cowspiracy (both available on Netflix). Then maybe report back?

It is pretty easy to adapt most meals to vegan. I went vegetarian at your daughter's age, then vegan, and my daughter who I bought up vegetarian is also now vegan.
Lots of supermarkets do a vegan mince which can be used in bolognaise, Sainsbury's, Tesco & Holland & Barrett do vegan cheese, so you could do home-made pizza easily. Last night we had a thai red curry, which I made using smoked tofu.
Could you take your daughter food shopping and get her involved in choosing and preparing meals, that the whole family share?

It does sound like a risk that this is more heading towards and eating disorder than purely being an ethical choice.
For that reason I think you should be supportive of her choice and ensure decent balanced meals are available for her - vegan cheese is easily available now; as are vegan spreads and milks. She needs to ensure she gets protein from nuts and pulses.

Gosh, lots of intelligent well-informed posts about veganism here

I am a vegan and live with 3 meat-eaters. We all eat the same basic meals, they just add meat/cheese to theirs. No fuss at all. Of course, I've got supportive family. That helps

Agree with Mythical Chicken - evidence now shows that a plant based (essentially vegan with no junk or processed food) diet is by far the healthiest. Famous vegan athletes include: Venus and Serena Williams, Carl Lewis, Ultramarathon champion Scott Jurek, Mike Tyson... We are not fully plant based yet but as a family we are eating as much fresh fruit, veg, beans, whole grains nuts and seeds as we can, and everyone comments that our children are glowing with health and energy!

Why not support her and try to ensure that instead of a meal minus the meat, that she is getting the best food she can at each meal. High protein carbs, good fats, lots of vegetables, seeds, nuts etc.

There are lots of great books around.

Look at Deliciously Ella, Oh She Glows and
this is my favourite vegan breakfast ever!!

Did everyone miss the bit where she eats beef and eggs at other peoples homes?

Jelly no-one can become anything overnight. It starts off as an idea that can take time to formulate before you can become a fully fledged anything. At the moment she's obviously playing around mentally with the concept and what is might mean to her. It's like saying you want to explore religion. I doubt many people just wake up one day having found god and sign up to the nunnery the same day.

While I am no fan of veganism and never ever will be, I think you've got to make some allowances for the fact that nothing that drastic happens overnight. Up until now she hasn't even been a vegetarian.

I've eaten cake with egg in it that a good friend and colleague made - I usually refrain but it would have been heartless for me to say no in that case. I'm a vegan, not a arsehole. Op's DD may have felt scared of refusing.

Agree with Lacontessa and Slottedspoon - it's not easy being at other people's houses; the last thing you want to do is put people out or seem rude or awkward and people often don't understand what vegan is or only have limited options in the larder.

"Is nobody else questioning the egg and lemon soup the OP mentioned? EGG and LEMON? In a SOUP?? "

GARLIC BREAD?!?!?!?

It's delicious! I had it in a restaurant and learnt to make it because I loved it so much

allrecipes.co.uk/recipe/9503/authentic-avgolemono-soup.aspx

"I'm a vegan, not a arsehole"

ha ha ha I love this but I can't help picturing the Venn Diagram of Vegans and Arseholes.

(there is also a joke in there somewhere about vegans not having to eat bad sausages made mainly of anuses but I can't work it out)

Can I second the Thug Cookbook? I am not vegan but it is great food.
It is very sweary though, which might be a good thing if it makes her feel that owning her diet and learning to cook is something radical and cool

There is regrettably a little overlap in that diagram Maudlin

We have The Thug KItchen. It is tres sweary, but good!