DD12 has decided to become a vegan

[user1473872482]

My daughter who is 12 but 13 next month has decided to become a vegan.
I think she may have a friend at school who is a vegan but I am not exactly sure. She is now refusing to eat anything and before she was a very good eater. She wont eat dairy products at all, meat or chicken. She is refusing to eat breakfast too and for lunch at school today she just had plain rice and nothing else.

I don't know how to deal with this at all so any help good or bad would be appreciated. My husband tells me to just cook what I normally do and if she doesn't want it then she don't have to have it - her choice. I know he is right but at the same time she is not eating much. All she is eating at the moment is rice, noodles, pasta and jacket potatoes.

[7SunshineSeven7]

wont eat dairy products at all, meat or chicken

You know meat and chicken aren't separate things, right?

I'd talk to her about maybe being a vegetarian - I know many people start that way and then become vegan as its very hard to go straight to vegan. Be supportive and help her manage her nutrition as others have said, she will either learn to adapt and manage a vegan diet, choose to be vegetarian instead or give the whole thing up. I think you need to sit with her and google some recipes, maybe test them out together.

[newmumwithquestions]

I don't know about ED so can't comment on that part.

Why is she wanting to be vegan? Ethics? She's (almost) a teenager and starting to want to find her place in the world. If she's looking around at the effect her actions have on other beings that's a great thing, even if her ethics aren't the same as yours.
Find out where her lines are - you may be able to negotiate as welll - for example how does she feel about free range eggs - can you find a really good local producer and buy them there?

I'd go with it. Lots of suggestions from others on recipes. Make a deal with her that if she's going to go vegan she can't then pick at food (eg she can't be vegan and not eat green leafy veg even if they are not her favourite). Involve her in the food cooking - if she wants to do this she's got to put some effort in.

It sounds like you're stuck between your husband and DD though. He may have to put the effort in if he wants to keep eating meat!

[Bloopbleep]

It's kind of fashionable among teens to be vegan because of perceived weight loss benefits (not strictly true btw) - I know a few late teens who claim to be vegan and only eat fruit. They're skin & bones. That said if done properly vegan I can be a healthy lifestyle just ensure she gets enough b12 and iron in her diet. There are loads of choices of foods and with supermarket labelling it's easy to identify meat products.
I guess just be sure she's doing it for the right reasons. I knew a "vegan" who survived on pringles & flapjack and she was far from healthy or skinny. It's hard if you don't like veg.

[Bloodybridget]

Bit weird if your DD is only eating rice, pasta and potatoes, as presumably the meals on offer also include vegetables. If she's a fussy eater she shouldn't try to be vegan, as she'll need to eat a wide variety of veg, pulses, soy-based proteins, nuts and seeds to have a healthy nutritious diet. Did you ask her about eating beef casserole and egg and lemon soup at her grandmother's?

[BoopTheSnoot]

I think you should try and support her. I don't think it's the beginning of an eating disorder, more that she isn't sure what foods can be included in a vegan diet so is restricting herself.
At this age, any diet can be a passing thing so I wouldn't rush out to buy a cookbook, but the two of you could certainly sit down together and look online for vegan recipes and meal ideas, as well as tips for maintaining good nutrition.
I'd support her on it, even if it doesn't last. Otherwise she might feel like you're trivialising it.

[OhFuckOff]

I went vegetarian at age 10, had only eaten fish for two years prior but gave fish up when I went vegetarian. I was vegetarian for 20 years before going vegan this year. Would she consider just going vegetarian to begin? Vegan is a big step for anyone, it took me 10 weeks to transition. The rest of the family are vegetarian.

[lizzieoak]

I'm a bit concerned you say she's not eating breakfast - there's loads of yummy vegan breakfasts out there (oatmeal w hemp seeds and maple syrup & chocolate chips for example).

Is it ethical or does she see it as a diet? Obviously she can't just eat carbs, that's really unhealthy. She needs veg & protein and Vitamin B12 (I'm veggie, almost vegan).

[supermumtotherescue]

Can you use this as a way to teach your daughter to cook? She needs to research recipes, plan meals, cook, learn to make extra for the next day etc; Also nutrition- the importance of vitamins and minerals, what to eat to get a good range...

Your daughter might be on to something- a plant based (vegan but not junk food) diet is now proven to be the healthiest way to eat, partly due to the nasty drugs etc that are found in meat and eggs and mercury in fish. (Read The China Study, Nutritionfacts.org, How Not To Die..).

We haven't fully committed to this yet though - as it's hard to change - but as a family we eat more variety of fruit, veg and beans, nuts and seeds.

A few recipe books to try: forks over knives, oh she glows... think great burgers, hotpots, chillis and curries/stir fries, tex mex...

Vegans can get everything they need except B12 (many meat eaters are deficient on this too BTW) but as with meat eaters, only if they eat non-processed food - eating junk food albeit vegan is not necessarily healthy! And you may not want to mention this but Quorn isn't actually vegan BTW, it contains egg white but we love it!

Get good quality B12 supplements - Solgar, Biocare...

[Ditsy4]

My daughter was veggie from 5 like one of her brothers. She became vegan at Uni. She looks far healthier than some girls her age. Lovely figure, great skin, shiny hair. Rarely gets a cold or ill.
She is very serious about it and it is difficult to eat out where we live. She lives in the south where it is much easier lots of lovely cafes and restaurants there cater for vegans.
There are great recipes on line. Lots of things are quick and easy. Stir fry then add family meat in after dishing hers up or cook meat separately.
Try making her fruit smoothies for breakfast. Bananas and avocado have lots of vitamins add Apple or orange and mango. I was given a Nutri Bullet last Christmas and it it great for vegans. Guess who organised that with her brothers!
Veg soup is really quick in it. Butternut squash, onions, sweet potato and a little cumin cooked til soft then whizzed up, yummy. Get her cooking. Her diet is very bland so if vegan she needs to eat veg! Get her on the recipe sites and working along side you. My daughter and her friend have a market stall once a month now. People have started to know and they are sold out most times. Lots bought lunch not realising it was vegan and have been back for more. These are meat eaters!

Almond milk is good and hazelnut makes a gorgeous coffee or hot chocolate. It also provides calcium.
Tell her if she is going to be vegan then she needs to do it properly otherwise she will get ill. If she won't eat these things then it sounds more like an eating disorder.
Quorn is easy but my daughter can't eat it. Quorn fillets just cook in sauce like sweet and sour. Veggie mince you can make for everyone. Wraps for lunches spread with hoummus and add veg. Dairy free marg is easy to get for crumbles, sandwiches etc. I use olive oil for cooking.
Good luck.

[Ditsy4]

Ha ha! Almost identical superman.
My daughter bought me that book I confess I haven't read it yet!

[Moomoomango]

Get behind her. She may be expressing individuality which may be short lived but to know you support her lifestyle choices is a great step in allowing her to become an independent adult. If you fight against it, you may have rebellion
Issues. Talk to her about veganism, prepare meals together etc. YouTube has made veganism very appealing to young teenagers so maybe do your own research on what this influencers and saying to their young following. In the grand scheme of teenage problems (assuming this does not become and ED) choosing to not eat meat and live compassionately is not the worst you will deal with I'm Sure. And no I'm not a vegan but know so
Many that are, the vegan community can live so passionately so being on her side will help your relationship x

[buzzlightyearsdinosaur]

The vegan society has loads of good information, so does this blog. I agree with a few other pp who have said that it is hard to go cold turkey and cut out all animal products in one go, it is far easier to do it gradually.

[MrsGradyOldLady]

My daughter is 16 and has bulimia. She's been doing it secretly for 2 years. I remember her going through a vegetarian phase too. In my daughters case it was definitely linked to her eating disorder - she seemed to think that as the vegetarians she knew were thin, then if she was a vegetarian she'd also be thin.

My daughter started "dieting" around the same age your daughter is now. The last few years have been really hard for her. She goes to an eating disorder clinic now but she's not cured. She doesn't really want to give it up as she doesn't see it as a problem.

I dealt with it the same way your husband suggested. It would probably have been better for me to cater for her diet. Try and keep an eye on her - especially after meals. My daughter would always go to her room after eating so that she could vomit in her bathroom without anyone heating. She also started over exercising at the same time.

Hopefully it's not an eating disorder but it won't hurt to keep an eye on her.

[MmmFacon]

Is nobody else questioning the egg and lemon soup the OP mentioned? EGG and LEMON? In a SOUP??

OP, a vegan diet can be very healthy if done correctly - as she is still growing I'd stress the importance of getting the right balance and help her to take some responsibility for that. Family meals are super easy to make vegan (well, unless all you eat is a plate of meat for each meal...) and you can plate up hers before adding dairy/meat for the rest of you. Things like Bolognese can be done entirely vegan with no effort - replace the mince with soy mince. I would strongly suggest supporting her - it's a tough decision to make (and if she has made it for ethical reasons rather than an excuse to eat less) one that shows she is compassionate and kind, and you should be proud of her.

[CocktailQueen]

OP, it could be eaither an ED or your dd wanting control over what she eats, but being vegetarian/vegan seems to be trendy now too, or it could be born out of a love of animals and their welfare.

Talk to her about it. Ask her why she's doing it.

Buy some vegan cookbooks and say to your dd if she's going to be vegan she has to take responsibility for what she's eating and make sure she has all the food groups in her diet. At this age dc need all the minerals and vitamins they can get.

(I'd watch out for quorn products as they can cause upset stomach/diarrohea. We find it easier to be entirely vegetarian.)

I'd cook some vegan meals with food your dd likes and see how she gets on. Does she eat them?

But she is certainly old enough to be playing an active part in what she's eating if she's maing a huge decision like this about food.

[kungfupannda]

I've been vegetarian since I was 12 (now 41) and I do the odd vegan day here and there.

Can you come to an agreement that she tries vegetarianism first, and if she shows that she can eat a balanced diet and take nutritional advice seriously, she can go vegan in a few months?

It might be worth making the point that catering for a vegetarian in the family is pretty easy, but a vegan is that much harder, so doing this on a 'schedule' would give you a chance to get used to cooking vegetarian/vegan options.

[kungfupannda]

If this is for ethical reasons, it might also be worth saying that if she goes vegetarian first, then the whole family will join her in some vegetarian meals, whereas if she's vegan, everyone else is less likely to want to join in.

I'm the only vegetarian in the family, but because I do the bulk of the cooking, everyone else eats vegetarian for most evening meals. The DSs eat meat for school lunches, and DP eats meat when he's away for work during the week, but at home it's mainly vegetarian, and they're all happy with that.

So if she is vegetarian, the family's overall meat consumption could come down, which may appeal to her ethical sensibilities.

[nooka]

I agree with those that are suggesting a conversation about a vegetarian in between step coupled with a family change and a lot of conversations about eating healthily. My vegetarian SIL is coming to stay for a week over Christmas and so we are checking out nice veggie recipes. For us it is quite a hassle/change as we only occasionally eat meals without meat or fish and so thinking about a range of nice meals is more challenging, especially as I don't really use much processed stuff so I'm not going to be buying meat substitutes (I'm not sure SIL eats them anyway). Eating together is important to us to, I'd hate to have several meals on the go every night. Cutting out cheese, butter and milk would be much more challenging, and I'd only really expect a 13 year old to be able to make fairly basic meals so that means that all the work sits with her parents.

[Trifleorbust]

Have you had a chat with her about her reasons and her understanding of what 'vegan' means? I would start there. Don't assume an ED and don't get cross with her because there may be some inconsistencies in her diet - she is only 12! Work out what you can do practically to accommodate her without things getting ridiculous and communicate this to her. Make it clear that there are some health risks associated if she doesn't eat properly and you will be monitoring this. Tell her what help you might need from her, eg if she needs to help out with cooking more because of this choice.

[NightNightBadger19962]

Highly fashionable. Nod and smile and hope its a phase (at this age, of course it is a reasonable and well founded choice in itself as a well informed adult) unless she has a personality more likely to be predisposed to an eating problem (black and white thinking, unrelenting standards - if so, panic).

[Sosidges]

i have some experience of this and my advice would be this.

Treat her as an adult
Ask her to go out to lunch, just the two of you. Tell her that you respect the choice she is making, however as her mum it is your responsibility to see that she eats healthily.
Shop for a vegan cook book and get her to make a shopping list.
Encourage her to shop and cook for herself and take responsibility for her choices.
Point out how many animal products are in treat style foods.

One of two things will happen. She will embrace the Vegan life style and be healthy. Or as in my DDs case, find that there is a lot of work involved in taking care of yourself. It is not easy to deny yourself when others around you are eating things you have forbidden yourself.

If the latter, I think it is good to talk about our food, how it is produced and see if everyone in the family can make different choices.

[Ncbecauseitshard]

Could you draw up a menu plan together?

[PeaceOfWildThings]

Dairy free is pretty easy to adopt these days. There's a good 'growing up' soya milk available, and plenty of mineral inriched ones to choose from. There's also alternatives to cheese that are nutritious.

Being fish free, egg free and cutting out red meat is a problem for some people over time, nutritionally. I get organic eggs and expect DD to eat at least half a dozen a week, and a lot of different sorts of fish and seafood that she now likes. I rarely buy chicken now, or processed meats, and I get soya, beans, tofu and meat substitutes, as well as a lot of veggies. Nut butters and houmous are staples, and peanut butter, vegemite or banana on toast is a perfectly good vegan breakfast.

[ElodieS]

I'm with Sosidges, but it's a really tough one. It sounds like she wants to be treated like an adult so I'd do all you can to do that. I think you also need to be open and reasonable with her in terms of how prepared you are to help her with this though - perhaps agree to cook 2-3 balanced vegan meals a week for the whole family, and that the rest of the week she'll need to adapt what you're having to suit or cook for herself. A good vegan cook book is a great idea!

[acquiescence]

You absolutely need to support her choices and make adjustments to your family meals to include her. Your husbands suggestion is shocking!
I'm surprised at how many people are suggesting an eating disorder on the basis that she is not eating much because she is not being given the appropriate choices. It may well be a fad and pass but unless you support her she is at risk of not getting vital nutrients at a time her body really needs it. Consider some supplements and a trip to the health food shop for things like nut butters. Good luck.