DD12 has decided to become a vegan

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My daughter who is 12 but 13 next month has decided to become a vegan.
I think she may have a friend at school who is a vegan but I am not exactly sure. She is now refusing to eat anything and before she was a very good eater. She wont eat dairy products at all, meat or chicken. She is refusing to eat breakfast too and for lunch at school today she just had plain rice and nothing else.

I don't know how to deal with this at all so any help good or bad would be appreciated. My husband tells me to just cook what I normally do and if she doesn't want it then she don't have to have it - her choice. I know he is right but at the same time she is not eating much. All she is eating at the moment is rice, noodles, pasta and jacket potatoes.

OP, you haven't said why she is vegan.

Is she passionate about animals and the environment? If so, You can hardly call this evidence of an ED; it is evidence of a young person struggling with ethical and moral issues. It is her attempt to come to terms with the impact that personal decisions have on the wider world.

I think that there are lots of conversations you can have about this, but from the tone of your OP I doubt you are all that interested.

Veganism seems to be the in thing on YouTube and Instagram at the moment.
Several well known people extolling the virtues of a vegan diet.

Nothing wrong with Veganism as such- I don't eat meat and one of my kids is dairy free so we have a fair few vegan meals by default, however it has to be done properly. That's not substituting Quorn for everything either. Having said that I do use tempeh, tofu and sextant (buy it in Chinese supermarkets as mock duck)

And for Sunday lunches, I either have Linda McCartney sausages baked in gravy or nut loaf if I can be bothered.

Sextant- seitan ffs

I don't know attackofthekillerno, I quite enjoy a good sextant and chips

Catering for a vegan is no big deal, Get a decent vegan cookbook, look at the 'nutrition' section. A vegan diet does not provide vit B12, unless added as in marmite, breakfast cereal, so best to buy her some vegan multi vits and mins. Easy vegan meals, pasta (ordinary as opposed to egg) with tomato sauce, cannelinni beans as protein, stir fry veg and tofu with rice or (non egg) noodles, baked potato, baked beans, veggies and vegan sausages or 'fish fingers' (Holland and Barrett fridge section). You can rustle up nut roasts easily. Cook some onion, mushroom in a pan, add ground nuts, breadcrumbs, some mashed parsnip, bit of soy sauce/ tamari, sack in a loaf tin, cook in oven. You can do veg stews with peanut butter as protein, goulashes with tofu or set an as protein, chickpea and aubergine stew (fry onions, green pepper, add cinnamon, ginger, garlic, chilli, add tin toms, red wine and pre fried aubergine, add chick peas, chopped coriander, lovely. You can get vegan spreads instead of butter from supermarket, loads of different 'milks'. Alpro fresh sugar free is the least strong tasting soya milk. I prefer it to dairy. Make sure she has plenty of oils in food for fat. Get her some omega 3 supplements, algae based rather than flaxseed are best (Amazon do them) It's a healthy diet if done well.

I did this!! I wanted to be a vegetarian for a long time but my mum would never "allow" it. Then when I discovered my rebellious teenaged voice I came home one day (aged 14) and said "mum, good news, I don't want to be a vegetarian anymore!"

"Thank heave..."

"...I'm a vegan and you can't stop me!"

And that was that. My dad took me out and bought me a chopping board and some knives so that I could have "animal free" food prep utensils. To this day (nearly 20 years later) those knives have never cut meat. He also got me a couple of recipe books - really threw himself into it! Dad's always been of the opinion that if you're going to do something you commit yourself to it and do it right. Good lesson for life right there.

Mum sat me down and we went through shopping lists and recipes as she wasn't going to be cooking for me, except on birthdays for example when she'd cook me a special fancy dinner. It was a special treat when mum cooked for me :D She didn't wash her hands of my nutritional needs though, and kept an eye on what I was eating, asked me about it, asked me about things like iron and calcium and made me research food sources for these things if I couldn't demonstrate to her I was eating enough of the right things.

From 14 onwards I did my own shopping, budgeting, cooking etc. I was the most prepared student once I got to university! And an exceptionally healthy eater.

And it wasn't just a fad. I was vegan for nearly 10 years. I'm a vegetarian to this day. The way my parents approached this I think was ideal; the choices you make have to be thought through and you have to prepared to put it the effort if you want to stand up for your principles. You can't just decide something and expect everyone to accommodate you if you're not prepared to do it right, but your choices will be respected and enabled if you believe in them enough to live up to what is required of you.

I was vegetarian/vegan for nearly a decade, and it's not that difficult! I actually wouldn't recommend Veganomicon, or many of the big vegan cookbooks. I find them a bit advanced, with too many speciality ingredients. Veganism doesn't have to be about spending hundreds of pounds on weird health foods. Veganomicon in particular, actually, is also very Americanised and lots of the ingredients aren't easily available in the U.K.

If you get some nice breakfast cereal with nuts for protein, and almond or soy milk, then breakfast should be pretty easy.

As for the rest, Mexican is really easy to veganise (there's a great book called Thug Kitchen), and a few recipes for bean/quinoa burgers would probably do you well. I lived off Delia's Vegetarian Collection at University; I found her meals mapped onto the sort of way I used to eat most accurately. She does a great recipe for a vegetarian shephard's pie with goats cheese mash (which is vegan if you ditch the dairy in the mash).

Peanut butter tofu stir-fry, vegan pesto, avocados, paprika roasted chickpeas, sweet potatoes and nut butter on toast were my favourite things in my vegan days.

I also got quite a lot of inspiration from Buzzfeed's vegan food posts, which you can find on google - they tend to be pretty simple.

MmmFacon it's a Greek dish, avgolemono.

I haven't had avgolemono in over 30 years since I went veggie. Mmmmm.

If she eats beef and eggs outside of the home she isnt a vegan. She;s copying someone else.
Tell her she can eat what she likes when she leaves home but you cant cater for 2 dinners every evening. See how she reacts to that.

Cooking vegan meals really isn't difficult.

Many quorn products aren't vegan.

Tesco meat free mince is vegan and great in chilli / pasta sauces etc.

Tesco soya "cheese" is surprisingly good - especially the smoked one.

Vitalite and flora dairy free for butter substitutes.

Most dried pasta is vegan.

Tesco standard white sliced bread is vegan.

Quite a lot of the linda mcartney range is vegan.

There are loads of non-dairy milks.

Perhaps she ate those foods at her Grandmother's house to be polite and not offend.
My daughter has been pescatarian for the last 18months, she's 14. When she decided she wanted to cut dairy and meat from her diet, we sat down and went through it all thoroughly. She had to research what nutrients and vitamins she would be missing from omitting those things, and provide me with alternative sources as well as recipes and ideas for things shed really like to try. I bought her dietary supplements to cover the B12 and iron as she has bad periods and the Dr recommended it.
We were supportive, her Dad was not and tried to practically force feed her roast chicken along with tons of emotional manipulation, it was horrible. So she decided to stop seeing him until they could be more supportive of her choices, with our full support. Please be supportive of your daughter and help her to make this a positive change for the right reasons, don't assume it's an eating disorder. Has she explained what her reasons are for making this decision?

Facon - not just a greek dish which is basically a clear broth with finely chopped parsley, but egg yolk beaten with lemon is a firm favourite in this family - served at the table for people to add. Helps cut down salt and makes most soups tastier and more nutritious. In the Far East they often add water -based cooked omelettes to stock, cut into strips. I think Eatsleep's family sound fantastic for their support.

Just help her, it's easy.

Discuss meals, get her to help you, lots of lovely vegan meals out there.

My faves:

Gado Gado, indonesian salad containing veg and potato and topped with spicy peanut sauce.

Greek vegetable stew (butter beans, carrot, onion, celery, spices it's yum)

Lentil soup with smoked paprika, potatoes, leek and carrot

Noodle soup with vegetables/mushroom/fried tofu

vegetable curry

I am not vegan, but we don't eat meat every day. I may go vegetarian once the DC have stopped growing.

Plain rice is NOT the way forward. Make curries/meals/ nut-bars together, it should not be about suffering.

Have fun with her exploring, and open your (and DH) mind.

Baby Ganoush, just curious, why wait till the kids have stopped growing to go veggie? My DS was over 6 feet by the time he was 15 & has always been vegetarian. He eats really well, despite people vaguely threatening me w him being short he's grown like a weed.

I went veggie that age and am still veggie now. One of the best decisions I've ever made, extremely healthy (touch wood), never any hint of an eating disorder. Maybe talk to her about compromising and seeing if she'll go veg instead? Although honestly it shouldn't be THAT hard - if you're having chicken, potatoes and veg just whack some quorn in the oven to have instead of chicken. Not everything has to be meaty. But at that age I would encourage vegetarianism instead of being a vegan simply because it will be a lot easier to cater for.

OP and her husband don't seem to be willing to permit their teenage daughter any decision making power about what she eats.

I think it's horrible for the husband to say don't cater to his daughter at all and for the OP to think it's peer pressure or an eating disorder. Hundreds of thousands of people across the world are began, why shouldn't OP's daughter be able to have a vegan diet?

I've been a vegetarian since I was 10, without ever lapsing. It's a healthy interesting varied diet. I'm glad my parents were supportive of my decision not to eat meat.

So is she eating carbs only because you're not providing alternatives? I'm confused on that point.

Husband is being unreasonable saying you should force your beliefs on your DD and not provide acceptable meals for her. Even prisons aren't allowed to do that.

Its very easy to provide Vegan options, you cannot leave a 12 year old to fend for themselves just because they have a different beliefs from you.

Just buy her some lentils and beans etc and give her a vegan cook book. Support her decision, maybe suggest that if she cooks for herself min-fri you will provide vegan meals at the weekend. Just make it clear that while you support her as long as she is making every effort to eat healthily and get all the protein etc that she needs if she isn't cooking herself proper meals that you will not support her.
I did the same thing at her age the vega isn't didn't last long and was on and off but I've been st least vegetarian ever since, 22 years now.

My friend turned vegan and has never looked healthier or stronger (her fiancé is a fitness instructor so might help!). She is writing a blog with recipes - look on Facebook for The Happy Pig. Hope your DD does it properly.

Is it just me that thinks you're the ones making a huge issue about this? I have a milk allergy so don't cook with dairy anyway, last month my DS announced he's going vegetarian which means that most of our meals are now vegan. We've had a lovely potato & chickpea curry with plain boiled rice for tea.

If it was me and sit down with her, Google vegan recipes and do your next week's meal plan together. I hate cooking if I think it's going to go to waste, I'd much rather have an appreciative audience anyway and also know that the kids are being fed properly.

Lizzie, my kids eat meat, I'll cook it for us all but once they have grown up (16 or 18 or thereabouts) it'll just be me and DH I am cooking for.

Don't want to make kids go vegetarian, unless they want to.

I am happy for now to eat meat but just eat less of it (and freerange only)

I may never go fully veggie, but quite fancy giving it a try if that makes sense, and see if I can stick with it!

Support her as much as you can. Give her liquid iron supplements. Waft as much bacon as you can under her door. Mwahahaha

No you husband is not right. She's nearly 13 and old enough to make up her mind on this. Support her and adapt your shopping to include some oat milk, dairy free spread. I'm sure your support and respect will mean a lot to her. You can't force her to eat animals and animal products if she doesn't want to. There's so much she can eat it just takes a bit of initial thought.