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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to report my son for 'tuckshop selling'

249 replies

marl · 16/11/2016 20:37

Have just found a huge stash of chocolate under DS's duvet. It transpires he is making a good £20 a week by selling this at school which is against the school rules. His argument is 'the school don't care...one boy was caught to his knowledge and he was just 'told off'...and he 'doesn't see the problem'. As part of a small catalogue of teenagerish behaviours that have been escalating in the last 2 weeks, IDP and I are now too tired to be clear-thinking.

I recognise this is not exactly class A drugs, and some people might praise entrepreneurship. But I feel uncomfortable about it : 1. if he gets caught the principle is that 'I knew' so by letting him carry on I am condoning it. 2. I wondered why he was suddenly being a flash harry with cash - he has that over-confident tendency to talk about things that I think of as luxuries as being 'cheap' which doesn't feel great. He lives another very affluent life every other weekend with ex-h. 3. He has a £30 a month allowance to include phone top up. I remove some of it occasionally as a punishment. Obv now this holds now sway at all. 4. I don't think it's a great idea to be feeding crap to your 'friends'

WWYD? Remove his allowance on that basis that he no longer needs it? Talk to the school and get them to catch him..with the risk that I continue to be the 'poor parent' in his eyes if he realises it's me? Leave him to get on with it? I didn't get very far in talking about it with him - he remains condescending and scornful which is the norm at the moment.

Though of course, the upside is, as things stand, I now have a cupboard very full of chocolate :-)

OP posts:

bvhjcj2712 · 18/11/2016 17:42

My son was at a school where a proportion of the students were boarders. The boarders had exclusive access to a kitchenette equipped with a toaster and a kettle. At this time Pot Noodles were all the rage and all the students, including the day students, wanted to have a hot cup of sploge. So what was my son,a boarder selling to satisfy this craving. The answer was Hot Water as the day students could smuggle in the packets but not the hot water. Top price paid was £3.
The head tumbled, but one had to admire his entrepreneurship, and stopped the practice.

BratFarrarsPony · 18/11/2016 17:46

£3 for a cup of hot water?
That is pure genius....

Cubtrouble · 18/11/2016 17:47

He's 15. As long as he isn't stealing the chocolate I would allow it

BertrandRussell · 18/11/2016 17:52

3 quid for a cup of hot water? Yep- that sort of thing is why schools ban it.

HateMrTumble · 18/11/2016 18:05

I'd probably praise him for being bright and making his own money, and be thankful it's not weed or pills 🙂 If he gets a slap on the wrist from school then so be it, he'd have to accept that.

akkakk · 18/11/2016 18:38

But akkakk - being a rule follower doesn't mean you're dumb. Schools need all sorts of rules.

Understand, but that is not what I am saying...
Following rules blindly shows a lack of intelligent thought
Understanding the rules and why they are there and the impact of breaking them (their own consequence & how it affects others)
Having understood, then a decision can be made - but 'it is a rule therefore obey it' is really not the way to teach a child / grow an adult...

So in this example, it might be about understanding how breaking the rules affects teachers (another thing to deal with / hassle / etc.). Understand why the rule is there (could be good or bad reasons) and then making the decision...

No issue with obey rules - every issue with people walking blindly through life with no discernment...

Beeziekn33ze · 18/11/2016 18:54

Your young entrepreneur should go far! Saturday job on a market stall?
Isn't he about the age where groups are set the task of planning, setting up, and hopefully make profit from, their own commercial enterprise?!
Street market in a tourist town inDecember had enthusiastic boys doing a roaring trade in plastic cups of some non-alcoholic spicy mulled beverage!

Kmmac1980 · 18/11/2016 19:03

I agree wholeheartedly with MooPointCowsOpinion. I am a teacher who deals with this sort of thing a lot. It's crucial to work in partnership with the school in the best interests of your son. It may be sweets now but it could escalate. What tends to happen is the 'buyers' are often younger or more vulnerable students who blow their dinner money / bus fare on contraband in an effort to impress the older kids. It detracts from school being a healthy place. It will also distract your son. He might be selling in lessons, and even if he isn't, he should be enjoying the wider school life at breaks and lunchtimes. In my experience, 'sellers' are often late to school, preferring instead to stop off for supplies (or they go offsite at lunch). We have placed staff in Iceland before school before now as a deterrent. If the school found out you condoned it, it sends a clear message to them that you don't support their policies. Upon your son's admission to the school you would have signed a home -school agreement where you agreed to support their policies. Therefore the school would have the right to challenge you on it. I suspect my response is in line with your thoughts from the tone of your original question anyway. Good luck!

Zbag14 · 18/11/2016 19:32

I'd roll my eyes and leave him to it. At 15 i was buying drugs and turning up to school drunk... you're getting away lightly with chocolate bars OP.

MrsA2015 · 18/11/2016 19:35

Set him up with a tuck shop table after school, or a coat with loads of pockets

bvhjcj2712 · 18/11/2016 19:39

In response to Zbag14, I was kicked out of grammar school at 15 for drinking in a pub in my lunchtimes, having paid the form forger to sign a letter from my parents saying that I was taking packed lunch and spending the cash in the pub. He doesn't know this,of course, but it is all a bit frightening, this chip off the old block business.

Sendcoffeeandchocs · 18/11/2016 19:49

I am a teacher.
This caused a huge problem at our school with littering. Chocolate wrappers everywhere after break.
Plus lots of people selling energy drinks. And believe me, teaching 32 kids who've just downed a can of monster is no fun at all...

cheval · 18/11/2016 20:37

My son did this at about the same age. Got bargain bags of sweets from Poundland then sold them on at school. He bought a games console with profits. I told him it was against school rules and if caught, could be in big trouble. He carried on until he got bored with the hassle of it. Luckily never got caught. While I didn't like him doing it, didn't feel it was that bad compared to some of the things they can get up to.
Probably terrible advice, but I would turn a blind eye, warn him of consequences if caught and leave the big sanctions for any future bigger problems.

LEA1986 · 18/11/2016 20:43

I had a good laugh at this. If this is your biggest problem then my goodness your life must be good!
Just let him get on with it and make his money and be happy it's not drugs.
Chocolate dealer 😂😂😂😂 I've heard it all!

CauliflowerSqueeze · 18/11/2016 20:52

Nice. Glad you've had a good laugh.

Try telling that to the parents of a child who is too scared to come into school over issues related to this. Try telling a child whose money is being extorted that you find it really hilarious and that your advice is to just get on with it and be glad that the kids aren't (overtly) selling drugs.

CauliflowerSqueeze · 18/11/2016 20:56

Yeah my son mugs people! No I don't like it but it could be worse, he could be raping and killing them. So it's all ok because although I know it's wrong it could be worse.

Yes my child's teacher slapped him round the face but I mean really I find it all such a laugh, I mean it could've been a punch in the face and I've heard worse so just let's all laugh it off. Teachers eh?!

Yeah that's right, the shopkeeper refused to give me any change! I just fell about laughing - could have been worse she could have refused to give me what I bought as well. We had such a hoot - I left giggling away at my luck at not being treated worse.

Bettyspants · 18/11/2016 22:07

He's 15, I don't see it as a big deal. I'd reduce his allowance with the reasoning that he's doing something that isn't strictly allowed but he's obviously making a good profit.... yes it's against school rules but pretty small fry in comparison to what could be going on....perhaps take it as an opportunity to learn to invest his money?

BackforGood · 18/11/2016 22:35

I wouldn't/ don't reduce pocket money / allowance when my dc find a way to earn money. Sure way to encourage them not to bother. Their endeavours have got to have some incentive or they might as well stay in bed.

Eolian · 18/11/2016 22:37

I had a good laugh at this. If this is your biggest problem then my goodness your life must be good!
Just let him get on with it and make his money and be happy it's not drugs.

My life is good, thanks. And hopefully my childrens lives will be good too, partly because they'll have been brought up not to be trouble-making pains in the butt.

MuseumOfCurry · 18/11/2016 22:42

This caused a huge problem at our school with littering. Chocolate wrappers everywhere after break.

Surely this is a reason to not have a tuck shop, then?

Bettyspants · 18/11/2016 23:28

Backforgood, yes I see what you mean and I doubt I really would reduce allowance but just trying to ever so slightly not so I was agreeing with breaking school rules... in reality I'd be advising on that investment I mentioned...

CherryCokeFairy · 18/11/2016 23:56

My Godson does this and we praise it - 3/4 of the money goes into a pot at the end of the week so it isn't wasted and he has the rest to play with then when he wants something he just has to ask and he already has the money :)

user1475501383 · 19/11/2016 01:37

I have to say I admire your DS's entrepreneurial spirit. If I caught my DS doing this at 15 I'd be very very proud! When I was that age some of my classmates were selling cigarettes... Now that would be a problem. Let him continue and get caught by the school if he gets caught.

I think more people should have the initiative to be entrepreneurial. I certainly wish I did. Your DS has got guts and it may be against school rules but it is certainly not immoral in any way. If you want to confiscate the chocolates then at least find a replacement thing for him to spend his entrepreneurial urges on. Could be the making of the next Branson, if I remember right he started out by selling something at school like this.

I don't think it's the money making per se that inspires your DS, and babysitting for money would not replace this opportunity for entrepreneurship. He needs an outlet for his drive and initiative.

user1475501383 · 19/11/2016 01:47

Cauliflower, I don't really see how the analogies you have made are accurate in any way.

Bullying is wrong and coincidentally also against school policies. The main point is that it is morally wrong.

I can't see how someone being entrepreneurial selling chocolate has anything to do with bullying? If it does, then the bullying should be the issue that is dealt with, first and foremost.

I don't see how the 'analogies' of mugging people and slapping people on the face are relevant to this issue. I mean, seriously.

It takes the piss as someone who used to be beaten up at school for 2 years every day Get real, please.

LouisvilleLlama · 19/11/2016 01:58

This was massive business in my school, the main seller had smaller sellers who could make upto £5 commission selling. There was a story about his dad saying if he could make £1000 then he would stop smoking and he did!

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