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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to report my son for 'tuckshop selling'

249 replies

marl · 16/11/2016 20:37

Have just found a huge stash of chocolate under DS's duvet. It transpires he is making a good £20 a week by selling this at school which is against the school rules. His argument is 'the school don't care...one boy was caught to his knowledge and he was just 'told off'...and he 'doesn't see the problem'. As part of a small catalogue of teenagerish behaviours that have been escalating in the last 2 weeks, IDP and I are now too tired to be clear-thinking.

I recognise this is not exactly class A drugs, and some people might praise entrepreneurship. But I feel uncomfortable about it : 1. if he gets caught the principle is that 'I knew' so by letting him carry on I am condoning it. 2. I wondered why he was suddenly being a flash harry with cash - he has that over-confident tendency to talk about things that I think of as luxuries as being 'cheap' which doesn't feel great. He lives another very affluent life every other weekend with ex-h. 3. He has a £30 a month allowance to include phone top up. I remove some of it occasionally as a punishment. Obv now this holds now sway at all. 4. I don't think it's a great idea to be feeding crap to your 'friends'

WWYD? Remove his allowance on that basis that he no longer needs it? Talk to the school and get them to catch him..with the risk that I continue to be the 'poor parent' in his eyes if he realises it's me? Leave him to get on with it? I didn't get very far in talking about it with him - he remains condescending and scornful which is the norm at the moment.

Though of course, the upside is, as things stand, I now have a cupboard very full of chocolate :-)

OP posts:
spicyfajitas · 16/11/2016 20:52

I think he's very enterprising. Indeed leave it . It's between him and the school

MrsRhettButler · 16/11/2016 20:53

I'd go so far as to say I'd be proud of my child doing this.
Isn't this how most of the successful entrepreneurs started out?

insan1tyscartching · 16/11/2016 20:54

Ds did similar, I congratulated him on his entrepreneurial skills Blush If he plays the game he takes his chances IMO so if he gets caught and punished by the school then he'll have to suck it up won't he?

ichoosesleep · 16/11/2016 20:55

Ooooh How much does he charge now for toblerones HmmChocolate

MesM · 16/11/2016 20:55

My dad let my brother use his cash ands carry card when he realised how welll he was doing! My brother even sold his sandwiches once for £5 and this was in the 90s!

YelloDraw · 16/11/2016 20:55

I'd leave him to it and he can accept any consequences if he gets found out by the school.

Don't rat on him - it is relatively harmless! Now, if he was buying weed and bagging that up to sell... which a few 15 year olds will be!

Original poster
marl · 16/11/2016 20:56

Yes Onemorewonthurt I was thinking of that as we had been talking about babysitting as I have younger DDs and lots of friends who need that. Hassled unfortunately liaison with his dad isn't worth pursuing. He cleverly usually manipulates the situation to make me look bad, him reasonable and there is a history of an emotionally abusive marriage.

OP posts:
EveOnline2016 · 16/11/2016 20:57

I would say you will support the school if he gets caught.

Blu · 16/11/2016 20:58

Bourbon biscuits, custard creams (whole packs, sold singly for a £1 from the 3-packs they sell in Poundland) and doughnuts from multi-packs are the currency in DS's school. One boy made £50 a week on a regular basis.

I would just tell him to stop it because he needs to respect the school rules.

BratFarrarsPony · 16/11/2016 20:58

honestly marl just turn a blind eye and be happy he is making some extra pocket money for himself and using his entreprenerial skills.
Just tell him to be discreet...
As others have said there are enough 15 year olds selling pills and weed...it is only chocolate!

memyselfandaye · 16/11/2016 21:01

Leave him to it, if he gets caught he will have to deal with it.

I also think its very interprising of him.

Manupprincess · 16/11/2016 21:02

At 15 he's nearly able to leave education and get a job. I'd be pleased I have a son who's willing and able to think creatively. Clearly he doesn't need as much pocket money as he's been getting but agree with PP that you have a talk about consequences if he gets taken to task at school. I don't think it's a slippery slope from haribo to heroin, he's more likely to become a creative entrepreneur. I would also discuss with him the benefits of education to support business (maths, English etc) so he doesn't just see the immediate cash benefits and decide he doesn't need to worry anymore.
You could really turn it into a learning opportunity and get him to do something like a profit/loss spreadsheet, forecast planning etc (but then I live with a spreadsheet geek so that may not be normal for most people Wink )

Blu · 16/11/2016 21:03

I agree, I don't really think this is a big deal.
If school catch up with him he cant take the consequences from school.

Allthebestnamesareused · 16/11/2016 21:03

Is the school rule no selling or no sweets? My son was flush and it turned out he stood by the vending machine selling the same stuff but undercutting the vending machine to the queue of kids having bought it cheaper at the supermarket on the way to school.

glueandstick · 16/11/2016 21:06

Tell him that if he gets caught then on his own head be it and he'll have to face the consequences and that he needs to put half into a savings account for later.

I like his spirit.

madmomma · 16/11/2016 21:10

I'd have no problem with the selling but I'd pull him up about an arrogant attitude. Don't sweat the small stuff, and selling chocolate is small stuff. I used to work in a high school and it's quite normal for a few of the older kids to get up early and fill a rucksack at the poundshop and sell it on to peckish kids for 70% profit. Wish I could bloody do it!

ohtheholidays · 16/11/2016 21:10

I'd leave him to it but tell him that he starts respecting you at home or you'll stop him from making any more money in this way!

That should stop him being condescending and scornful to you.

TheAnswerIsYes · 16/11/2016 21:11

*Allthebestnamesareused

Is the school rule no selling or no sweets? My son was flush and it turned out he stood by the vending machine selling the same stuff but undercutting the vending machine to the queue of kids having bought it cheaper at the supermarket on the way to school.*

I hope my son grows up as enterprising as yours. I think that is brilliant and is a similar idea to a lucrative venture I have going at the moment. You should be very proud of him.

OP, leave him be. He is very enterprising and running his own little business to fill a gap in the market is educational! Don't stifle his creativity. If it is against school rules then tell him to continue to be discrete but if he is caught you will have to support the school.

ChocolateWombat · 16/11/2016 21:11

My answer would depend on the impact of what he's doing.

If this involves him spending ages going to the shops to buy the sweets when he should be doing homework, not getting to his extra curricular activities because he's selling, or spending his proceeds on unsuitable stuff, I might intervene. And by intervene, I mean simply tell him he's not to do it. As I'd expect my instruction to be obeyed and I'd hope to trust him, no need to speak to school about it. I might also do the above if this has been very clearly stated as a school rule and there is no ambiguity about it....because as a parent I am clear to help the school enforce the rules....but I wouldn't grass on him, because I'd see no need and hope telling him to stop would be enough.

If however, the buying and selling isn't causing any negative impacts in terms of his time and he doesn't seem to be using the proceeds unwisely, I'd probably just point out that if he is caught he will have to face the consequences. I might ask him what he thinks those consequences will be and how he will feel about them.

Generally, if my child is breaking school rules, i don't inform the school, but tell my child to stop breaking them. Is it a very clear and established rule?

If my child was a big rule breaker and often in trouble, plus if they were a child who always ignored what I'd said, I might then consider telling the school...but this doesn't sound the case.

MrsWombat · 16/11/2016 21:12

Double check he isn't actually selling drugs, or whatever, and has left the chocolate under his bed for you to "find" so there is a reasonably innocent excuse for the extra cash.

FluffyPineapple · 16/11/2016 21:15

YABU. I loved the school tuck shop entreprenuer at break time when I was in school, and hungry at break time. Tell him he is acting against school policy and when he gets caught he will need to face the consequences. Its all great life experience :)

YouJustWouldntLetItLieWouldYa · 16/11/2016 21:16

Meh, in all honesty i'd leave him to it, if he gets caught then on his own, head be it.

In the grand scheme of things he could be selling things that are a LOT worse. Something like this would go on my pick and choose arguments list.

An anonymous local FB group i'm on frequently has parents posting to ask what the large bag of toffee like stuff is they've found (( it's a drug called shatter, our town is infested with it ))

BratFarrarsPony · 16/11/2016 21:16

ooh Mrs Wombat you do have a suspicious mind! but in fact you make a good point.

HomeShapedBox · 16/11/2016 21:19

Crikey When I was that age kids would steal fags from their parents or get somebody older to buy a pack and then sell them individually round the back of the school!

Don't think I'd go mad if my 15 year old was selling chocolate.

MrsMandS · 16/11/2016 21:19

Tell him to swing in past the staff room. We are all desperate for chocolate and Diet Coke!

Joking aside, I really don't see the bid deal. You'd probably find that most staff members think the rules are ridiculous too.

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