AIBU to report my son for 'tuckshop selling'

[marl]

Have just found a huge stash of chocolate under DS's duvet. It transpires he is making a good £20 a week by selling this at school which is against the school rules. His argument is 'the school don't care...one boy was caught to his knowledge and he was just 'told off'...and he 'doesn't see the problem'. As part of a small catalogue of teenagerish behaviours that have been escalating in the last 2 weeks, IDP and I are now too tired to be clear-thinking.

I recognise this is not exactly class A drugs, and some people might praise entrepreneurship. But I feel uncomfortable about it : 1. if he gets caught the principle is that 'I knew' so by letting him carry on I am condoning it. 2. I wondered why he was suddenly being a flash harry with cash - he has that over-confident tendency to talk about things that I think of as luxuries as being 'cheap' which doesn't feel great. He lives another very affluent life every other weekend with ex-h. 3. He has a £30 a month allowance to include phone top up. I remove some of it occasionally as a punishment. Obv now this holds now sway at all. 4. I don't think it's a great idea to be feeding crap to your 'friends'

WWYD? Remove his allowance on that basis that he no longer needs it? Talk to the school and get them to catch him..with the risk that I continue to be the 'poor parent' in his eyes if he realises it's me? Leave him to get on with it? I didn't get very far in talking about it with him - he remains condescending and scornful which is the norm at the moment.

Though of course, the upside is, as things stand, I now have a cupboard very full of chocolate :-)

Yeah well some kids aren't good at managing their diets. Hell, plenty of adults aren't. But anyway, that's beside the point. It's against the bloody school rules. If you don't like the rules, vote with your feet and find another school that doesn't give a shit about vulnerable kids being scammed and irresponsible parents encouraging their children to do what they like. You don't get to pick and choose which rules to follow or ignore in an institution you've chosen to be part of.
But hey, since it's fine to ignore rules you don't like, I think maybe teachers should feel free to ignore the ones they don't like too.

I would have thought any kid in high school knows that too many sweets isn't good for you, surely.

I would have thought any kid in high school knows that too many sweets isn't good for you, surely.

Yes and all adults know that eating too much sugar, smoking and drinking too much booze is bad for you. The difference is that these are kids. Their parents are still responsible for trying to keep them healthy, and having their efforts to do so sabotaged by kids whose parents have raught them to do what suits them regardless of anyone else is very annoying I imagine.

It also completely undermines other parents parenting.
If a parent doesn't want their child drinking energy drinks for example, they refuse to buy them for their child, and if they pick up/drop off their child at school, or ask the shops along the way not to sell them to their child, that should be their choice. They believe their childs lunch money is spent on the healthy balanced meals the school offers. It isn't right for some kid to take that parents choices away by supplying said energy drinks to his classmates.
The healthy eating rules came in to effect during my 3rd year of highschool, and whilst it sucked i could understand why. I was probably a prime example of the need to change. There was lots of choice, there was the stand that did jacket potatoes with various fillings, and the typical sausage and chips main lunch line, but also a sandwich/crisps/chocolate/fizzy drinks bar.
The sandwich bar was right next to the table i sat at, and due to my insecurities i would only venture as far as that to get my lunch. There used to be some lovely choices, like chicken tikka, Chinese chicken, coronation chicken (well, minus the raisins in it!)etc. Sadly they were occasional flavours, the typical ones were egg and cress, tuna, and ham, none of which i like. I was nervous of eating in front of people (bullied for being over weight) so some days my "lunch" was literally 10 packets of various kinds of polo's, because i could keep them in my pocket and sneak one in my mouth now and then in class when nobody was watching. I didn't eat them all, at least a few of the packets were taken immediately following lunch by the popular kids intimidating me for them, and the rest were left in my bag and nibbled on throughout the next day up until lunch. (weird lunch hours, school day was 8:45 til 2:30, but the 2 half hour lunch periods were 12:30 -1 and 1-1:30).
Post change there were no sweets, chocolate or crisps, the only drinks on sale were awful artificial flavoured fizzy water that made me feel ill. They completely did away with any of the "interesting" sandwiches too, and from then on only did tuna, egg and cress, ham, or a salad barm. I plumped for the salad barm most days and hated it, especially once when i found a live fly in the sealed packet it was in!
It certainly helped my health and weight when the new rules came in, and i bet my parents would have been horrified yet relieved to know my "lunch" went from 10 packs of pure sugar to a salad barm.

The change was needed, and people like your son shouldn't be allowed to do as they please and circumvent the rules to make money out of the parents of other students.

Dd did this for ages she was fine until she expanded to water balloons.

The school was not impressed and her career ended at the tender age of 15.

To me it's not about what he's doing but the impression you give. Surely by condoning it you are basically saying "obey the rules unless you think they are stupid and then don't bother." That's a dangerous thing to say imo.

No that is not right...
There are good rules and there are bad rules - rules / laws are made by humans, sometimes for the correct reasons, and sometimes because of pressure-groups / self-interest / power trips etc.

one of the negatives of the general (stereotype I know!) British approach is that we obey rules without critical thought - there is a good life lesson here for all teenagers to be taught:

• if presented with a rule, understand first why the rule is there
• then understand the benefits / negatives for yourself and for others / society
• then look at the consequences of breaking the rule / how you break it
• look at how the rest of society treats that rule
• decide what kind of person you want to be
• learn when to 'play the game' (fit in with silly rules which don't hurt, are annoying, but keep others happy)
• learn when it doesn't matter to break the rules
• learn when it is important to break the rules

be self-aware / be critical / be morally and ethically based - but don't be a dumb non-thinking rule observer just because they are rules

e.g. in 2 year's when the OP's son is 17 he will learn to drive - statistically lots of 17 year olds drive too fast and crash, but the thinking needs to be more intelligent:

• why are speed limits in place
• which are most important (e.g. outside a primary school, drive below the 30mph / on a motorway 75 probably isn't an issue)
• understand that it is about safety first, second and always
• understand that the majority of the British population break speed limits
• understand that 'playing the game' means if you do - you accept the consequences
• understand that being an intelligent driver means sometimes going considerably slower, as well as not being worried in the right circumstances at going faster (after all you can do 150 in parts of Germany and you don't automatically die!)

raising children into adults is about teaching them to be critical thinkers not mindless drones - let the boy understand all the issues and then make a decision as to whether he wishes to carry on or not - and be prepared to accept the consequences - he will be a much stronger adult as a result...

A boy in my year did this at school. He made a fortune. Was caught and suspended (stupid over the top school reaction) but later used it on his Uni application for Oxford business. He got in. Last I heard he got a First and is absolutely minted now 👏🏻👏🏻

Ah good well as long as he makes loads of money who give a fuck if he breaks the rules

And people wonder why investment bankers are such entitled knobheads!?

My ds did this and made huge profits, my dd has started it too.
It shows initiative and as long as they are only making a small profit for their energy and time buying the stuff, then surely it can't be wrong.

I ask how much they charge etc and they don't rip their friends off, so no harm imo.

I agree with others that it's only chocolate....its harmless. If he gets caught and told off, then so be it.
When I was about 15, a pack of 20 cigarettes cost about £6 (or 30p per cigarette). At my school, year 11 wore black polo shirts, and all the younger year groups wore white, so the shop near school would only sell students in black shirts cigarettes. I used to sell single fags for 50p each to the younger students who couldn't get served and make a tidy £4 profit. Doing that every day used to make me £20 a week to buy my own cigarettes without my mum finding out
I'm not saying what I did was ok, because it really wasn't. But at least your son is only selling chocolate

But akkakk - being a rule follower doesn't mean you're dumb. Schools need all sorts of rules. Teachers are dealing with large numbers of kids with varied levels of maturity and intelligence and needs. The rules need to apply to all the kids, otherwise it is unfair.
Generally the kind of kids who get involved in the kind of rule-breaking mentioned in the OP are not exactly squeaky-clean in the rest of their behaviour. Most kids who persistently break the rules at school are not 'critical thinkers' and are no more likely to become critical thinkers than their well-behaved peers (probably less so). They are simply naughty kids who are more interested in pissing about and causing trouble than in getting an education. The thinkers are the ones who are learning and actually making a positive contribution to school life.

He should be applauded for his enterprise.

So everyone is completely overlooking the fact that anyone who buys multi-packs then sells them individually is breaking the law?
If a shopkeeper did it, he'd be taken to court and hit with a massive fine. It's no less illegal for some school kid to be doing it.

The least compelling argument on this thread by far.

It's not particularly entrepreneurial-it only would have been if he had thought of it. Which he didn't- he will have just taken over from someone else.

And the potential for bullying is the reason it's stamped on pretty hard at ou school. And the potential for prefiteering-particularly with the younger ones.

And selling from multipacks isn't illegal.

Ah good well as long as he makes loads of money who give a fuck if he breaks the rules
Exactly

My 7 year ild did this... but not in school

He went to our local shop fot bags of sweets for 10 and sold them outaide our house for 25p when hed sold em he went and brought more
He made 12 pounds.
Hes allways coming up with ideas.. he tried selling home made face masks.. didnt go down to well.

Tbh good on him.. id not say anything other then you get caught uou deal with the punishment

I think he's very clever! But he shouldn't be allowed to flaunt school rules (if this is one?)

OP - chill out, halve his pocket money (he doesn't need that much now), let him know that you will let him carry on but only if he accepts the consequences should he be caught. 👌🏽

It's not particularly entrepreneurial-it only would have been if he had thought of it. Which he didn't- he will have just taken over from someone else.

Since when are alternative distribution channels not entrepreneurial?

One of my DS used to do this. He made hundreds of £££. He attended a fairly rural school, pupils were allowed to leave school at lunch time and he'd jog a mile to the big supermarket on the edge of town and fill a rucksack with stuff to resell. He'd take orders too. HT told him he couldn't sell in the school grounds so he sold in the street by the gates. He also made an arrangement with the school bus driver (long bus ride to home village), a free doughnut for the driver in return for being allowed to sell doughnuts on the bus. Bus driver happy as long as DS ensured no mess, wrappers left on bus.
Against the rules? Yes, but it shows a lot of gumption and entrepreneurial skills, so we just left him to it. Now at uni, has a couple of start-up businesses... makes a bit of money, but most importantly has a great sense of "I have this idea, I'm going to do this".

My eldest is a bit of a chancer and did the same for a bit. I'm sensing it's the cavalier attitude to it and calling things you appreciate as luxuries cheap that's troubling you rather than the selling of chocolates? They all need a sharp reminder sometimes that money is hard earned (for most of us), but I don't know how you get that through to them!

Akkakk ...completely agree with you. I wpuld hate my children to blindly respect all rules. It is poor practice for adult life in any case....and for being an intelligent creative thinker

"completely agree with you. I wpuld hate my children to blindly respect all rules."

Did you read my post about hi being a cause of bullying-and that's why it's banned in our-and other- schools?