AIBU to report my son for 'tuckshop selling'

[marl]

Have just found a huge stash of chocolate under DS's duvet. It transpires he is making a good £20 a week by selling this at school which is against the school rules. His argument is 'the school don't care...one boy was caught to his knowledge and he was just 'told off'...and he 'doesn't see the problem'. As part of a small catalogue of teenagerish behaviours that have been escalating in the last 2 weeks, IDP and I are now too tired to be clear-thinking.

I recognise this is not exactly class A drugs, and some people might praise entrepreneurship. But I feel uncomfortable about it : 1. if he gets caught the principle is that 'I knew' so by letting him carry on I am condoning it. 2. I wondered why he was suddenly being a flash harry with cash - he has that over-confident tendency to talk about things that I think of as luxuries as being 'cheap' which doesn't feel great. He lives another very affluent life every other weekend with ex-h. 3. He has a £30 a month allowance to include phone top up. I remove some of it occasionally as a punishment. Obv now this holds now sway at all. 4. I don't think it's a great idea to be feeding crap to your 'friends'

WWYD? Remove his allowance on that basis that he no longer needs it? Talk to the school and get them to catch him..with the risk that I continue to be the 'poor parent' in his eyes if he realises it's me? Leave him to get on with it? I didn't get very far in talking about it with him - he remains condescending and scornful which is the norm at the moment.

Though of course, the upside is, as things stand, I now have a cupboard very full of chocolate :-)

The realist in me says...Entrepreneurial! i did this with fags at his age but the school governor in my says 'he really should respect school rules'. Be clear to him on the consequences the school may take over his actions but also be aware that if you ban him/confiscate his stash he will most probably just continue behind your back. Depends what you you feel is more acceptable to you.

Although against school policy it is not illegal, most traders source cheaply and sell for a profit, it's how it works! And as others say, it could be fags drugs

I don't think I'd want to eat chocolate that had been kept under a fifteen-year-old boy's duvet...

My sons have done this from time to time. My youngest has a sweet tooth and generally eats his supplies himself. The eldest gets donuts on offer from the co-op and sells them on the bus. I was annoyed that he refused to offer a family discount to his brother. If they get caught they suffer the consequences.

Leave him to it.

But get him to setup and spreadsheet with costs and revenue and his profit weekly. It would be great to see how much he's made by the time he gets caught end of the year. Really make it a learning experience for him.

what GrandDesespoir said..

I think it's actually a bit unnecessary to take his allowance away (unless you were struggling to afford it?)

Ahahaha yes to Notness

Spreadsheet, single entry book keeping, business plan, profit forecasts..

Get him doing it properly!

Tell him he knows the rules, if he doesnt keep proper accounts he's in trouble with you and if he gets caught by school then thats all on him!

I know of a young teenager making a lot of money selling pez dispensers online. He buys them in bulk, and sells them at a profit. His dad owns his own successful business as well. Maybe your ds might start a successful online business?

Be glad that:

a) It's not drugs.
b) He's making his own money.
c) After all these years of you telling him to share his sweets with his friends, he's finally done it.

I would tell him he has to pay his own way now he's 'earning'.

At the minute he's an arrogant teen because making money is easy (or do he thinks) but he has none of the responsibility that earning adults have.

So tell him on his own head be it but as he's doing so well you're no longer giving him his allowance. He can cover his chocolate buying costs and lifestyle (phone etc) from the money he's making.

Let's see how he feels once money isn't just flowing to him like water down a hill

Is he selling it to them on school property or outside the school gates? If it's the second, school can't really say anything, can they?

That's impressive. Leave him to it

I used to know a woman whose son made a useful sum in the early years of secondary school by employing younger kids to stand in the dinner queue to hold a place near the front of the queue. He then charged older kids far more than he was paying the first years to stroll in and take over the place when it was time to go into the dining hall.

i haven't an entrepreneurial bone in my body so I'm always amazed and rather envious of these budding tycoons.

I'd let him get on with it.

Urgh, I didn't think of how disgusting chocolate that had been under a 15 year old's duvet would be!

Ummm this is the kind of thing we praised our DC for, good entrepreneurial spirit.
DS used to buy pens from the Library (upstairs) and sell them for twice as much in the playground. Lots of boys sold their cooking at breaktime if it was cake/biscuits etc.
Of course if he gets caught and punished then that's the consequence, and he has to put up with it.
But as long as he isn't using your money or supplies - then good to him.

Think it's very enterprising

i would leave him to it, and do you Need to withdraw his allowance?
can you suggest he puts his money made into a savings account?

Ha my brother was caught doing this last year by the school (he was 16 then) the school confiscated all his goods and gave them to my parents and then suggested he donate his earnings to a good cause, which my parents whole heartedly supported!

I think it's very enterprising and I'd be proud of him! I agree that it doesn't seem quite right to take away his allowance - that seems like you're punishing him for being entrepreneurial. I like the idea of encouraging him to save money instead.

In similar circumstances I said to my disapproving dh, "Do you, or do you not, want your daughter to develop the skills to keep you in style when you are old?" He saw the light.

Have you seen a school rule discussing this? What does it say exactly?

He'd have a pat on the back in our house.

He's 15??? I wouldn't remove the chocolate from him. He is showing initiative. Yes, he's playing the system and finding a gap in the market, but that at 15 he's trying to get a way to get extra cash and chosen that... I'd actually be relieved!!! £30 is obviously not enough for him. That said, it's £7.5 a week... not a lot for a 15 yo, once he gets a bus, he cannot do much else. He probably feels embarrassed in front of friends / exDH family and also knows you cannot afford it, so he's found a solution. I'd be proud of him, to be honest. He didn't want to nag you asking you for money you haven't got or putting pressure on you, I honestly think that this action show more positive things than negative. If you are concerned about the smuggling, sit down together and figure out a way to get extra cash in another way: eBay selling, part time work, doing chores at home, etc. Although I would let him keep the business! :'D

My DS did this with coloured badges when the school bought in a house system. He undercut the school by 10p a badge and made a reasonable profit.

I said I'd support the school if he got into trouble but as all his teachers were annoyed by having to check badges the whole time, he got away with it.

I was impressed with his entrepreneurial skills

To me it's not about what he's doing but the impression you give. Surely by condoning it you are basically saying "obey the rules unless you think they are stupid and then don't bother." That's a dangerous thing to say imo.