To ask DH to give up football season ticket?

[BasinHaircut]

DH is a football fan and goes to all home games and likes to attend some away games for his team. I've never minded him going in the sense that we don't have to spend all of our free time together and I like to do things independently too.

However, now we have a 3 yo DS. I've accommodated him keeping up his football interests since DS's birth, and in theory it's only every other weekend for half a day (sometimes longer if he goes for a drink or whatever). I could in theory have the same amount of time to myself. BUT because I don't have a regular interest quite like this, AND obviously we tend to arrange things for us as a family to do in the time that DH isn't at football, in practice that doesn't work out.

It's starting to piss me off that every time I get invited somewhere or want to arrange something, I have to work my life around the football calendar. Whilst me and DH operate a 'first come first serve' on booking time when we need to make sure the other is around for DS, it seems really unfair that effectively half of my weekends for the year are already dictated by this.

AIBU to say to DH that him keeping this up isn't working for me and ask him to give it up?

I sympathise OP but YABU . it's really good if parents can hold in to some time doing something they love. IT'S up to you to carve out time that you enjoy as well.

The changes to fixtures winds me right up! I diligently write them all on the calendar and arrange activities accordingly, then it's "oh no, can't do that, the football's on on Sunday because Arsenal are in the Champions League" or some such nonsense. I am indeed a martyr

Massive YABU.
The season runs 7 months of the year. Depending on your league there are 19 - 23 home games a season. Which means there are 31 - 29 weeks when he does not have a game.
He's allowed some time away from you to do things he loves.
And that estimate ignores midweek fixtures, and that he does prioritize family occasions over football. We're probably talking about half a day, around 15 times per year.

I was under the impression that the football finished in May, then started again in August, well half way through each month.

So that leaves half of May & half of August add to that June & July so I make it 3 month that the football isn't being played.

Now add three months to the 7 that is being quoted here that the football is bring played, meaning we have a 10 month year

Who changed the Gregorian calendar without me noticing? Are we not running on a 12 month calendar in the UK?

I do wonder if some posters realise just how much time watching football takes. The season ticket itself is probably only a small part of this. It's not just the 90 minutes, you have to talk it over afterwards and get it out of your system. Even if he comes straight home I bet he's on the phone later, texting, reading the reports, maybe on an online forum. Then watching the highlights - if you've got Sky, that's the evening gone.

Then there are all the other matches. If the team is in the Champions League there are zillions of games, zillions I tell you - often televised; cup games too if you're lucky and get a good run. Then every other summer there's either the World Cup or the Euros - they last about a month.

Ok he doesn't go to all these but they're on the telly and I bet he wants to watch - maybe with his mates?

And all the games he doesn't go to, I bet he's on his phone all the time checking the scores, isn't he? Even if you're out trying to get some family time together.

I've been there, done all that. It's immensely time consuming and it makes you obsessive, totally inflexible and a little bit crazy. It's not fair to do it when you have a small child.

flo it's a premiership team but fortunately not champions league material! But yes then there are all of the England games. A lot of this summer was dictated by the Euros, and with it being so accessible this time he did go over a few times (which I actually didn't mind, as he would never get the chance if it were further away) but it's every other summer too with international tournaments.

Don't get me wrong he is into football and that's fine. I'm only having a moan because of the inflexibility of it and the knock on effect that has on all of our lives

I think he just needs to be a bit more flexible about missing matches for other events. So if you get invited somewhere or there's some sort of event, then it should become more normal for him to miss a game, rather than planning around the games. Compromise!

Floisme is bang on. Match of the Day, Match of the Day 2, FA Cup Match of the Day etc etc, plus having to listen to the radio when it's an away game, finding a bar to watch when we're on holiday. And I might add, pre-season friendlies in the summer, so really there is no major summer break. to all those who suffer!

DP shares a season ticket with a friend which means it doesn't take over quite so much. Would he consider that? Frees up some time and helps financially too.
I got pissed off as him and friend were useless at arranging who had which fixtures until the last minute but now they are more organised.

I wouldn't. If the happy day arrives when I finally get mine, nothing and nobody would stop me going

I think YABU. He is allowed some time to do what he wants to do. Its not all day every weekend after all. I think if you ask him not to go you may have a very unhappy husband on your hands who might get resentful.

We have a "first come first served" shared calendar as well, and it gets booked up months (sometimes years) in advance with activities for DH's hobby.

One thing I've found helpful is he now colour codes those activities - so some of them are vital (he has to go, would only miss it for a real emergency) and some are optional (he'd like to go, but if there's something else I'd like to organise instead we'll have a chat about which is the better use of that weekend).

Would that help?